


teamwork makes the meme work

by ribosome



Series: group chat from hell [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Autistic Keith (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Matt Holt, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, First Kiss, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Group chat, Implied Recreational Drug Use, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Lesbian Pidge | Katie Holt, Lesbian Romelle (Voltron), M/M, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Allura (Voltron), Pansexual Hunk (Voltron), Slow Burn, Texting, Trans Female Pidge | Katie Holt, Trans Lance (Voltron), Trans Romelle (Voltron), pidge uses she/her and they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-01-18 18:11:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 59,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12393432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ribosome/pseuds/ribosome
Summary: Allura creates a groupchat for the newfound members of the Gender-Sexuality Alliance club at Voltron University. Everything goes downhill from there.KeithWhy was I never consideredShiroYou know why.KeithFor fuck’s sakeYou shank a guy once and suddenly you’re “violent” and have “anger issues”Pidgekeith you;re gonna make me piss my pantsnhdjkljdhjh





	1. it begins.

**Author's Note:**

> i......did not plan to write this. i'm just jumping onto the groupchat au bandwagon with my own rendition of it. why? bc my life is spiralling out of control.

* * *

  _You have (3) new friend requests!_

 

 

 **Katelyn Holt  
** Confirm | Delete

 

 **Takashi Shirogane**  
Confirm | Delete

 

 **Keith Kogane**  
Confirm | Delete

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

SEP 1 AT 4:42 PM

 **Lance**  
_[image sent]_  
question:  
what the everloving FUCK is going on rn

 **Hunk**  
Oh snap  
I got friend requests from them too just now!  
They’re from the GSA club right?  
Maybe they’re setting up a meeting or something.

 **Lance**  
sorry hunk but im too busy losing my shit to think about that because TAKASHI SHIROGANE SENT ME A FUCKING FRIEND REQUEST  
@god, let me relax for once in my life

 **Hunk**  
He’s a real dilf

 **Lance**  
DBFJDDHJHGJKGDFJ NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN

 

* * *

  **Allura, Katelyn, Keith, Takashi, Hunk, Lance**

 

SEP 1 AT 4:49 PM

_Allura created the group._

**Allura**  
Hi everyone!! You all remember me from the club fair on Wednesday I hope?

 **Keith**  
Yeah

 **Katelyn**  
what’s up

 **Lance**  
how could i forget 😏

 **Allura**  
Tone it down, Lance  
So I hope I didn’t interrupt anyone, I just wanted to make this group for private projects regarding the club and perhaps for us all to get to know each other better as well!

 **Takashi**  
Sounds good to me.

 **Hunk**  
Super good!

 **Allura**  
Since we’ve not yet had a club meeting, I was hoping we could introduce ourselves here more easily. Start with our preferred names and pronouns, year at the university, major, etc.  
Anything else that you might be comfortable sharing is also welcome!  
I go by Allura, I use she/her pronouns, I am a sophomore, and I’m pursuing a major in Communications. I also really like sparkly things.  
Anyone else can jump in!

 **Hunk**  
Sup everybody.  
My friends call me Hunk, which you all can too. I’m he/him, a freshman, and majoring in Mechanical Engineering.  
I actually wanted to study the culinary arts as a kid, but mechanics is where it’s at. I’m still a big foodie though!

 **Lance**  
💪😔  
if it werent for hunk i’d probably be eating out of a trashcan tbh

 **Hunk**  
True  
Since you spoke after me I volunteer you to go next.

 **Lance**  
unfair  
the names lance, i use he/him/his, and im majoring in astronomy. thinking of switching to marine ecology tho  
and im a freshman  
extra fact: hunk is my bf

 **Hunk**  
Brofriend?

 **Lance**  
brofriend 👨‍❤️‍👨

 **Takashi**  
You seem like quite the pair.  
You can all call me Shiro, I use He/Him pronouns, I’m currently in my second year at grad school to get my Master’s in Aviation.  
I don’t think I have any special facts?  
Keith should go next. :^)

_Allura Altea set the nickname for Takashi Shirogane to Shiro._

**Keith**  
Don’t use that face  
My name is Keith, I use he/him, I’m a sophomore and I’m studying biopsychology.  
Shiro’s special fact is that he accidentally bleached the front of his hair like an idiot

 **Shiro**  
This is about you, not me.

 **Keith**  
Admit your mistakes

 **Katelyn**  
i guess this leaves me  
my name is katie but i like to go by the nickname pidge, i’m she/her but i tend to prefer they/them. i skipped a few grades so i’m a 16 year old freshman what up

_Allura Altea set the nickname for Katelyn Holt to Pidge._

**Pidge**  
i’m majoring in technical sciences and i like peanut butter

 **Lance**  
crunchy or smooth

 **Pidge**  
why choose when i could just have both

 **Lance**  
i like this one

 **Hunk**  
You skipped two grades? That is so cool!!

 **Pidge**  
yeah well……don’t really like to Toot My Own Horn, but i’ve excelled in the sciences for as long as i could remember

 **Lance**  
cant realte

 **Keith**  
Saem

 **Hunk**  
Msut be nice

 **Lance**  
hunk literally shut up ur a genius  
also @keith are u trying to mock my typo?? fight me

 **Keith**  
Whatever

 **Lance**  
u got something to say? Say It, Out Loud.

 **Hunk**  
Vampire.

 **Lance**  
ily

 **Hunk**  
💘

 **Allura**  
Well, now that we’ve gotten introductions out of the way, I’d like to ask a question  
Do most of you know each other?

 **Lance**  
ive known u since i learned to dream cariño

 **Allura**  
I will call your mother and tell her you threw out the mittens she knitted for you

 **Lance**  
my gzifdiodis OK OK JEEZ

 **Pidge**  
seems like you two are pretty familiar with each other

 **Allura**  
I went to the same high school as Lance and Hunk.

 **Hunk**  
Yeah Lance had a crush on Allura since freshman year

 **Allura**  
Old news

 **Lance**  
wow.

 **Pidge**  
this gc is one big roast

 **Shiro**  
To answer your question, I take a few classes with Pidge’s brother Matt but I’d never actually met Pidge herself.  
And Keith is my brother.

 **Keith**  
Adopted brother  
I would never be blood related to you

 **Shiro**  
You promised you would drop the emo act.

 **Lance**  
sjdkdjsldjdkkdkf

 **Pidge**  
oh sshhd  
YOU’RE matt’s study buddy!!  
how the hell do you do it. i can barely stand him on the days that i only see him for 10 minutes

 **Shiro**  
I let him tire himself out so by the time we’re ready to study, he’ll be working his energy up with coffee. It's when he's his calmest.

 **Pidge**  
i lived with the dude and i didn't even know this  
you are a god among men

 **Shiro**  
I do what I do.

_Lance named the group LGBT Sandwich._

**Pidge**  
creative

 **Lance**  
thnx

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Matthew Holt**

 

5:27 P.M.

 **matt cosplay**  
so i met your study buddy

 

5:50 P.M.

 **OG Holt**  
Are you talking abt shiro

 **matt cosplay**  
yup

 **OG Holt**  
Don't annoy him  
I give him enough of that treatment as it is  
But lets get down to the meat and bones of this convo……how in the living hell did you meet shiro

 **matt cosplay**  
that GSA club you suggested i join  
he's in it

 **OG Holt**  
He  
He's in the what now

 **matt cosplay**  
i’m like 99% sure he's not straight

 **OG Holt**  
holy shit

 **matt cosplay**  
go. have your bi crisis. be great

 **OG Holt**  
Good lord please stop

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

5:27 PM

 **Shiro**  
How are you feeling about the whole club situation now?

 **Keith**  
Eh

 **Shiro**  
That is obscure and I am too old to decrypt it.

 **Keith**  
Excuses  
But really, idc much for it right now. As long as they don't badger me.

 **Shiro**  
Nice going riling up that other boy by the way.

 **Keith**  
He annoyed me

 **Shiro**  
I wouldn't take it too personally. He seems like a dramatic person in general.

 **Keith**  
Sure

 **Shiro**  
Are you getting dinner soon?  
Don't say ramen.

 

5:48 PM

 **Keith**  
Sorry what I can't hear you

 **Shiro**  
I’m going to come over and help you cook something healthy, okay.

 **Keith**  
Okay mom

 **Shiro**  
Don't sass me.

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Lance McClain**

 

5:54 PM

 **Hunk**  
Dude  
Isn't Keith the guy that bumped into you at the club fair

 **Lance**  
yes  
and now i have a vendetta against him

 **Hunk**  
I guess we didn’t see him approach the table Allura was at for the GSA  
Maybe it’s a different Keith

 **Lance**  
the keith we saw at the club fair reeked of emo and so does this one  
coincidence? i think NOT  
like whenever i think of him i see him crossing his arms and frowning

 **Hunk**  
So you’ve been thinking of him, huh

 **Lance**  
irrelevant.

 **Hunk**  
He's pretty attractive  
Why don't you ask him out?

 **Lance**  
hukn are u CRAZY  
UR GOING FUCKING BONKERS MY DUDE  
he wouldnt be able to handle my sheer unbridled beauty

 **Hunk**  
You got me there

 **Lance**  
im just glad that allura is the one running this whole shebang  
beautiful + woke club moderator? sign me the FUCK up

 **Hunk**  
Yeah I’m real excited to meet up with everyone!!  
I can't wait to meet Pidge. They seem real cool.

 **Lance**  
u guys could be like nerd buddies or smth

 **Hunk**  
YES  
I need one of those, there are so little people around here that are taking science majors!

 **Lance**  
as much as i love and appreciate u buddy i hear enough about science from my required labs and lectures so pls,, no cussing (science talk) around the baby (me)

 **Hunk**  
Coward

 


	2. waffles vs pancakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy belated birthday keith you are loved and you are perfect
> 
> aaaand heres another chapter of buffoonery

* * *

**Lance > LGBT Sandwich**

 

SEP 2 AT 1:02 PM

 **Lance** ****  
so since we are all getting to know each other and junk i wanted to ask a very telling question  
waffles or pancakes

 **Keith** **  
** How is this telling

 **Lance** **  
** Answer the question, Keith.

 **Hunk** ****  
Oh boy he’s using good grammar  
You know I love both

 **Keith** **  
** Waffles

 **Lance** **  
** hm

 **Keith** **  
** What?

 **Pidge** ****  
i like waffles more than pancakes  
lov the cronch

 **Lance** ****  
interesting  
i appreciate the usage of an ageless meme to support your stance

 **Pidge** **  
** i’m mildly concerned about the intentions of this question

 **Allura** **  
** Pancakes 5ever

 **Lance** **  
** ur perfect and i love u

 **Allura** **  
** I know

 **Lance** **  
** shiro?

 **Keith** **  
** He’s at work right now

 **Lance** ****  
disappointing  
but i have 80% of my answers  
so now i must go and analyze the data

 **Hunk** **  
** Ohh where does Shiro work?

 **Keith** **  
** Volunteers at a senior center on the weekends

 **Allura** **  
** How sweet!

 **Lance** **  
** just when u think a man cant get any more perfect

 **Pidge** **  
** that’s fucking adorable as hell

 **Hunk** **  
** Language!!

 **Pidge** **  
** that’s fucking adorable as heck

 **Keith** **  
** I admire you, Pidge

 **Pidge** **  
** everyone does

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

2:11 PM

 **Lance** **  
** wanna go to the movies tonight

 **Hunk** **  
** What are we watching?

 **Lance** ****  
idk i just wanna go to the movies  
no WAIT  
LETS WATCH THE NEW ANNABELLE MOVIE

 **Hunk** **  
** Yeah no

 **Lance** **  
** COME ON

 **Hunk** **  
** NO

 **Lance** ****  
u fucking recluse  
u can hold my hand hold thru the scary parts  
just dont crush it like last time

 **Hunk** **  
** I said I was sorry

 **Lance** ****  
semantics  
come on plsssssss can we watch it

 **Hunk** ****  
Every time we watch a ghost/demon movie you end up having nightmares for a week  
Why do you do this to yourself

 **Lance** **  
** bc i have Crippling Depression

 **Hunk** **  
** Fine

 **Lance** ****  
!!!!!!!!!!!!  
IT’S A GREAT DAY 2 BE ALIVE

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Hunk Garrett**

 

2:20 PM

 **Katelyn** **  
** hi hunk! i hope this isn’t too forward or anything but do you happen to take modern physics with prof. barba?

 **Hunk** ****  
Yeah actually I do  
How'd you know?

 **Katelyn** ****  
i didn't lmao  
it’s just one of the classes i’m looking forward to this semester and you seemed like a really smart person so i maybe wanted to ask if we could be study buddies??

 **Hunk** ****  
Omg  
No, this is totally fine! I’d love to have a new study buddy  
Well, I don’t love studying. It’s pretty boring sometimes. But studying with someone makes it easier!

 **Katelyn** ****  
i must be an alien  
i hecking love studying

 **Hunk** **  
** You’re the real cryptid of this society

 

* * *

**Keith > LGBT Sandwich**

 

2:43 PM

 **Keith** **  
** Can somebody tell me when and where we’re meeting up for the club next week

 **Pidge** **  
** it’s on the flyer

 **Keith** **  
** I lost it

 **Lance** **  
** smh

 **Keith** **  
** Anyways

 **Lance** **  
** wednesday at 2 pm in the students lounge of the main building keither

 **Keith** ****  
Okay  
Thnaks ig

 **Lance** **  
** Thnaks

 **Pidge** **  
** Thnaks

 **Hunk** **  
** Thnaks

 **Keith** **  
** Jesus fucking Christ

 **Lance** **  
** karma

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

3:01 PM

 **Keith** **  
** Left a container of mac and cheese in your mini fridge btw

 

4:17 PM

 **Shiro** **  
** Thnaks

 **Keith** **  
** I’m blocking you

 

* * *

**Lance > LGBT Sandwich**

 

4:20 PM

 **Lance** **  
** blaze it

 **Allura** **  
** No

 

4:26 PM

 **Shiro** **  
** Hey everyone! I just got out of work.

 **Lance** **  
** gods work

 **Shiro** **  
** You could call it that too.

 **Lance** ****  
heCK  
so shiro waffles or pancakes  
this is the moment of truth

 **Pidge** **  
** can’t wait to hear this

 **Allura** **  
** I’m a bit curious as well

 **Shiro** ****  
Well  
Although I do enjoy the crunchy texture of waffles I feel that pancakes give a much softer and smoother experience.  
Waffles are good, but I guess I have some bias because I ate pancakes more as a kid.

 **Keith** **  
** You’re so extra just fucking say pancakes

 **Allura** **  
** Another point for pancakes! Welcome to the club :D

 **Lance** ****  
im in love. im in love, im in lo v e  
shiro will u marry me

 **Shiro** **  
** Sorry, it’s illegal to marry kids.

 **Pidge** **  
** shot DOWN

 **Lance** **  
** DAMN IT

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

4:35 PM

 **Keith** **  
** Does Lance have a crush on you or something

 **Shiro** ****  
I guess so.  
I think it’s more of an admiration though.  
They did call me the golden boy at the Garrison you know.

 **Keith** **  
** I know. Everyone knows Shiro

 **Shiro** **  
** ;D

 **Keith** **  
** Stop that

 

5:33 PM

 **Shiro** **  
** Are you okay?

 **Keith** **  
** Why do you ask

 **Shiro** **  
** Because I took your knife from your room and you haven’t even asked for it back.

 **Keith** ****  
Just tell me you didn’t use it to cut vegetables or something  
That’s not what it’s for

 **Shiro** ****  
I’m not a Neanderthal.  
I used it to cut fruits.

 **Keith** **  
** SHIRO

 **Shiro** ****  
I’m joking. I can joke!  
Seriously, what’s wrong?

 **Keith** ****  
I guess, idk  
I don’t think they like me

 **Shiro** **  
** They, as in the people from the GSA?

 **Keith** ****  
Yeah  
It feels like I don’t match up to their sense of humor and all that

 **Shiro** **  
** Well I don’t either, honestly.

 **Keith** **  
** Yeah but they like you a lot

 **Shiro** ****  
I’m assuming they’ve heard about me before. Especially Lance.  
But you just need to let yourself get comfortable.  
I’m not saying you have to tell them your life story but opening up a little bit wouldn’t hurt!  
I don’t think they dislike you, I think they want to be your friend but can tell how guarded you are. It’s not a bad thing.

 **Keith** ****  
Yeah  
You’re right

 **Shiro** **  
** So?

 **Keith** **  
** I’ll give it a few more chances

 **Shiro** **  
** That’s what I like to hear. Perseverance!

 **Keith** **  
** If you promise to stop embarrassing me

 **Shiro** **  
** I could never promise that and you know it.

 

* * *

**Lance > LGBT Sandwich**

 

SEP 3 AT 3:09 AM

 **Lance** **  
** h……hewwo?

 **Pidge** **  
** christ

 **Keith** **  
** Literally what the fuck are you doing up

 **Hunk** ****  
He can’t sleep  
Why? Because he saw a movie I told him not to

 **Lance** **  
** u have been saying “i told u so” for like 5 hours can u chill

 **Hunk** **  
** Me? Chill? Lance LISTEN TO YOURSELF

 **Lance** ****  
fucc ur right  
but wtf are u guys doing up too

 **Pidge** **  
** i haven’t slept before midnight since i was in the womb

 **Lance** **  
** same

 **Hunk** **  
** You’re so fake you sleep around 10 every night like a baby

 **Lance** **  
** stop embarrassing me in front of my fucking friends dad

 **Keith** **  
** You sure know how to make a conversation out of thin air

 **Lance** **  
** do u have a Problem with that

 **Keith** **  
** I guess so

 **Lance**  
turn on ur location

 **Hunk** **  
** Keith you’ll have to excuse Lance he’s bi so he likes unnecessary conflict

 **Lance** **  
** tru

 **Keith** **  
** I’m only up because I accidentally set my alarm for AM instead of PM

 **Lance** **  
** why do u………have an alarm for 3 pm

 **Keith** **  
** I take naps in the afternoon sometimes

 **Lance** **  
** alarms are for dweebs

 **Hunk** ****  
Lance every time you attack someone you know I have to knock you down a peg  
Again: why do you do this to yourself  
You have like six alarms

 **Pidge** **  
** bfjhklljhfjhfhd

 **Lance** **  
** BUT THEY ARE PURPOSEFUL ALARMS

 **Pidge** **  
** purposeful like what

 **Lance** **  
** well theres the alarm i set up for taking off my binder in the evening

 **Pidge** **  
** understandable have a good day

 **Lance** **  
** but the other ones are for my naps in btwn classes or making sure hunk remembers to pay attention to me

 **Keith** ****  
At least I only have two  
Guess I’m less of a dweeb than you

 **Lance** **  
** ur a dweeb just because i said so

 **Keith** **  
** And what if I reject what you say?

 **Pidge** **  
** boy is it hot in here or is it just me

 **Lance** ****  
keith………u dont want it buddy  
u dont want none of This

 **Keith** **  
** Wasn’t asking for it

 **Lance** ****  
btich  
u just PROVOKED ME HOW DARE U SIT HERE AND DENY IT  
HUNK HE PROVOKED ME RIGHT

 **Hunk** **  
** Well…he only asked a question

 **Lance** **  
** with INTENT

 **Pidge** **  
** lance it’s okay we know you like drama

 

9:10 AM

 **Hunk** **  
** Lance, you’re grounded

 **Shiro** **  
** I second that motion.

 **Allura** **  
** As do I.

 **Lance** **  
** i hate this fucking family

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Takashi Shirogane**

 

10:12 AM

 **Matt** **  
** So a little birdy chirped by my window the other day

 **takashit** **  
** A little birdy?

 **Matt** **  
** And the little birdy said to me “shiro is in the GSA”

 **takashit** **  
** Oh god.

 **Matt** **  
** Now you know i don’t like to pry

 **takashit** **  
** Matt, you wake up prying.

 **Matt** ****  
BUT  
if you’re comfortable with telling me, i would like to know if the reason you joined is because you Are Not a straight ally?

 **takashit** **  
** I joined mostly to help Keith meet new people but I’m also gay.

 **Matt** **  
** SHDIRIIROO

 **takashit** **  
** Jesus

 **Matt** ****  
HOW COULD YOU KEEP THAT FROM ME!!  
ME, A FLAMING BISEXUAL

 **takashit** **  
** Flaming?

 **Matt**  
Yeah, a bisexual in flames  
As fellow gays we gotta stick together shiro

 **takashit** **  
** I have to go meet up with Keith to get breakfast, can we discuss the flames later?

 **Matt** ****  
Of course  
Go. Be great.

 **takashit** **  
** I said that to you once last year, can you give it a goddamn rest.

 **Matt** **  
** No that was the funniest fucking thing you’ve ever said

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Katelyn Holt**

 

10:20 AM

 **Keith** ****  
Hey Pidge?? Um I’m sorry I don’t really know how to approach people like this  
I just wanted to ask if you knew where the Advisement Office was??  
I threw out my guide because I thought I wouldn’t need it

 **Katelyn** ****  
you are absolutely fine keith  
it’s room 109 in the main building  
can i ask why you didn’t go to shiro?

 **Keith** **  
** Because he’s the bane of my existence

 **Katelyn** **  
** Big Same

 **Keith** ****  
Every time I do something irresponsible he just, gives me that look  
You know, the disappointed dad look

 **Katelyn** **  
** i barely remember what shiro looks like but that is fucking hilarious

 **Keith** ****  
Yeah  
Sorry to bother

 **Katelyn** **  
** keith i’ve only known you for two days but if anything were to happen to you i would kill everyone in the room and then myself

 


	3. and so they meet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these comments you guys are leaving really warm my fuckin heart i wanna hug each and every one of you.......i dont deserve this kindness
> 
> happy last day of halloween stay safe yall

* * *

**Coran Smythe > Allura Altea**

 

SEP 6 AT 10:29 AM

 **Coran** **  
** Are you excited for the club meeting today? I haven’t seen you so jittery since I accidentally gave you a cup of Redbull instead of juice on your thirteenth birthday.

 **Allura** **  
** You what???

 **Coran** ****  
Nevermind that!  
How are you feeling?

 **Allura** ****  
A bit concerned now, thank you  
But I’m great actually!  
I won’t admit it to him but I’ve missed Lance since I graduated, Hunk as well  
It’ll be great to see them again!

 **Coran** **  
** Be sure to give Hunk a hello from me!

 **Allura** **  
** And Lance?

 **Coran** ****  
I’ll be seeing Lance fairly often!  
Considering I teach his Astronomy course.

 **Allura** **  
** OH MY WORD

 

* * *

**Allura Altea > Lance McClain**

 

10:40 AM

 **pip pip cheerio <3** **  
** Lance, darling, how are you?

 **Lance** ****  
im..........good  
how are u doing, lovely?

 **pip pip cheerio <3** **  
** A bit peeved, actually :)

 **Lance** ****  
i knew this was too good to be fucking tru  
what did i do this time

 **pip pip cheerio <3** **  
** So when did you plan on telling me that Coran teaches your Astronomy course?

 **Lance** ****  
he fucking WHAT  
ARE U SERIOUS

 **pip pip cheerio <3** **  
** Cut the cheddar, Lance!

 **Lance** ****  
,jddsjfjfjfkjkqw  
THATS MY LINE  
ANYWAY I TOTALLY DIDNT KNOW I SWEAR

 **pip pip cheerio <3** **  
** How could you not know who your professor is when you went to their class?????

 **Lance** ****  
my astro course is on thursdays  
since classes started last friday and today is wednesday ive not yet gone to my astro course :)

 **pip pip cheerio <3** **  
** Oh

 **Lance** **  
** ive done nothing wrong and i deserve a goddamn apology

 **pip pip cheerio <3** **  
** Question: how did you not see his name as the professor for your course when you registered

 **Lance** **  
** look i didnt care who tf professor smythe was ok i just wanted a class that was scheduled at a reasonable hour on a reasonable day

 **pip pip cheerio <3** **  
** :(

 **Lance** **  
** i deserve an apology and yet something about u makes me want to beg for forgiveness

 **pip pip cheerio <3** **  
** :D

 

* * *

**Pidge > LGBT Sandwich**

 

11:40 AM

_Pidge named the group small booty hoes._

**Shiro** **  
** Why.

 **Lance** **  
** :/// i have a thick ass thanks

 **Hunk** **  
** Where

 **Pidge**  
IMFNSJDJSJDHDJD

 **Lance** **  
** cOME ON

 **Allura** **  
** Well, we’ll all be the judge of that when we meet this afternoon

 **Pidge** ****  
heck yeah  
i’m STOKED and ready to meet all you losers + allura

 **Shiro** **  
** Why am I grouped in with the losers?

 **Pidge** **  
** all men are losers

 **Lance** **  
** n,,,n..........n

 **Hunk** **  
** It’s his first words! I wonder what he's going to say!

 **Lance** **  
** n........#NotAllMen

 **Pidge** **  
** YOU ARE BOTH SO EXTRA

 **Lance** ****  
srsly tho i am SUPER excited to meet u guys today  
sans hunk and allura ofc

 **Allura** ****  
I am too!!!  
When we meet up today, I’ll introduce you lot to the basics of what we’ll be up to for the next few months  
In any free time we have, we can do other LGBT related things like watching a gay rights movement documentary or movies with LGBT characters or we could even read up on some classic LGBT literature!!  
I may have started up the club but all of you will mold it into something great!

 **Lance** **  
** allura ur the purest and most wonderful person i know

 **Pidge** **  
** this is the gayest thing ever i love it

 **Keith** **  
** I heard gay and I came running as quick as possible

 **Hunk**  
Ahdkdkflsjdkfkf

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

11:48 AM

 **Keith** **  
** When somebody keysmashes after you say something that means it was funny right

 **Shiro** **  
** You are too pure for the world.

 **Keith** ****  
Sure I am.  
Let's go with that

 

* * *

**Allura Altea > Lance McClain**

 

12:58 PM

 **pip pip cheerio <3** **  
** If I asked for your help, would you let me down

 **Lance** ****  
id never let u down  
u only ever deserve to be raised up my goddess

 **pip pip cheerio <3** ****  
You never fail to please  
I wanted to ask what you think we should do for our first day?  
We are already past the basic introductions so I want to do some ice breakers!

 **Lance** ****  
well  
maybe we could state what our reason for joining the gsa is? if theyre comfortable sharing

 **pip pip cheerio <3** **  
** Okay, you know what? This calls for a third opinion

 

* * *

**Allura, Lance, Hunk**

 

1:04 PM

_Allura created the group._

**Allura**  
You two will be my consultants

 **Hunk** **  
** Idk what's going on but I’m in

 **Lance** **  
** club idea group

_Lance McClain set the nickname for Hunk Garrett to muscle man._

_Lance McClain set the nickname for Allura Altea to ROYALTY._

_Allura Altea set the nickname for Lance McClain to sharkboy._

**sharkboy** **  
** YES

_sharkboy named the group brown & beautiful. _

**muscle man** **  
** I love it

 **sharkboy**  
perfection

 **ROYALTY** **  
** Okay, let's get down to business!

 **muscle man** ****  
Oh oh! I’ve always wanted a pin with the pan flag on it  
Can we make those at some point?

 **ROYALTY** **  
** I do happen to be in possession of blank pins

 **sharkboy** **  
** why

 **ROYALTY** **  
** Coran was going to make galaxy pins for his satchel

 **sharkboy** **  
** coran coran the Gorgeous Man

 **muscle man** **  
** So we’re rolling with it?

 **ROYALTY** **  
** I don't see why not!

 **muscle man** **  
** HECK YES

 **sharkboy** **  
** let hunk curse 2k17

 

1:17 PM

 **muscle man** **  
** Lance and I are coming early

 **sharkboy** **  
** i have a stack of uno cards prepared

 **muscle man** **  
** We are not playing Uno

 **sharkboy** **  
** and y the fuck not

 **muscle man** **  
** Because you always cry when you lose

 **sharkboy** **  
** i have never cried a day in my goddamn life

 **ROYALTY** **  
** Bring the Uno deck and prove it then.

 **sharkboy** **  
** i will

 

* * *

**Allura > small booty hoes**

 

1:35 PM

 **Allura** **  
** You guys need to see this Lance is crying

 **Lance** **  
** IM NOT FUCKNG CRYING

 **Hunk** **  
** Dude there are legit tears running down your face

 **Lance** **  
** goddkfd SHUT UP

 **Pidge** **  
** what??? the fuck?? what is happening

 **Hunk** **  
** Lance got last place in Uno

 **Keith** ****  
Wow  
Sounds about right

 **Lance** **  
** u are really boiling my fucking rice right now keith

 **Keith** **  
** I??????? WHAT

 **Pidge** **  
** imsjdfdhgdfjk

 **Lance** ****  
so anyways  
when r u guys gonna get here

 **Allura** **  
** He’s crying on my shoulder as he types :(

 **Lance** **  
** can u let me fucking live for once

 **Pidge** ****  
good lord  
well i'm omw there now

 **Lance** **  
** cant w8 to meet the famous pidgey pidge

 **Pidge** **  
** can’t wait to meet the crying lancey lance

 **Lance** **  
** we r not friends anymore

 

1:41 PM

 **Shiro** **  
** You’re still a winner in my book, Lance. :)

 **Lance** ****  
fuCK,,  
thats it guys my depression is cured and my crops are watered

 **Keith** **  
** Why are you feeding him lies

 **Lance** **  
** the real question is why do u want me to fight u so bad

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

1:44 PM

 **Lance** **  
** hey keith quick question

 **Keith** ****  
Uh  
Sure??

 **Lance** **  
** why do u like waffles

 **Keith**  
Idk they just taste good

 **Lance** **  
** better than pancakes?

 **Keith** ****  
I don’t like how soft pancakes are  
For that I’d just buy a muffin or something

 **Lance** ****  
a mufifndnsdhhf  
ok thanks

 **Keith** **  
** Why’d you ask

 **Lance** **  
** curiosity duh

 **Keith** **  
** Sure

 **Lance** **  
** are u suggesting that im not being 100% honest

 **Keith** **  
** Maybe

 **Lance** **  
** ur customer service is terrible i want to speak to the manager

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Katelyn Holt**

 

1:46 PM

 **Lance** **  
** hey pidge quick question

 **Katelyn** **  
** no

 **Lance** **  
** the fucking audacity of u waffle lovers

 

* * *

**Pidge > small booty hoes**

 

1:58 PM

 **Pidge**  
i’m outside the door motherfuckers + allura

 **Hunk**  
Now the fun has REALLY begun

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

3:12 PM

 **Lance** ****  
i still cant believe i saw his mullet in person  
it stared me dead in the eye  
that mullet came into my house and threatened the lives of my children

 **Hunk** **  
** Sigh

 

* * *

**Allura Altea > Coran Smythe**

 

3:15 PM

 **Allura** ****  
I think the first meeting went quite well  
Lance damn near fought one of the club members but what else is new

 **Coran**  
That boy was always a fighter.  
So tell me, what did you younglings do?

 **Allura** **  
** There’s a grad student in our midst so we aren’t completely unsupervised

 **Coran**  
Well, thank the heavens!

 **Allura** ****  
We actually made use of those pins you left in your study.  
We made them into the flag colors of our orientations.  
Mine is already attached to my purse :D

 **Coran**  
That’s absolutely wonderful!

 **Allura**  
I’ll make one for you soon enough :)

 **Coran** **  
** Please include a tiny drawing of me slaying a dragon in the corner.

 **Allura**  
No matter how much I love you I will do no such thing

 

* * *

**Lance > small booty hoes**

 

3:28 PM

 **Lance**  
PDIGE UR SO SMALL

 **Pidge** **  
** enough.

 **Lance** **  
** UR SO TINY LIKE A BUTTON

 **Pidge**  
i will destroy you

 **Lance**  
with ur baby fists ok sure

 **Pidge**  
these baby fists will punch out your fucking kneecaps you tall ass string bean

 **Hunk**  
Pidge you remind me of a dolphin  
Everyone thinks they’re cute, but they’re secretly brutal

 **Lance** ****  
if u think dolphins are cute u can hit that unfriend button real quick  
sharks for the win

 **Pidge**  
never would’ve pegged you for a shark guy

 **Lance**  
*sharkboy

 **Hunk**  
Pidge you should join our animal documentary nights  
Please  
I can’t watch them alone with him anymore

 **Lance** **  
** ur being dramatic but whatever

 **Pidge** ****  
sounds ominous  
i’m in

 **Lance**  
nice  
im gonna have a new human armrest

 **Pidge** **  
** i will personally assassinate you

 **Lance**  
that doesnt make any se

 **Hunk**  
Pidge killed him before he could finish

 

3:46 PM

 **Shiro**  
Pidge, your brother won’t stop screaming about my pin. Help me.

 **Pidge** **  
** if i have to deal with it then so do you

 **Shiro**  
And I thought we were friends.

 **Lance** **  
** my phone died u bitch

 **Shiro** **  
** Well

 **Lance** ****  
oh my g  
i would never call u a bitch shiro that was directed to hunk

 **Hunk**  
Rip Lance 1999-2017

 **Shiro**  
Lance, you’ve officially been cancelled.

 **Keith**  
Who the hell did you even learn that term from

 **Lance** **  
** shiro cancelled me which basically means i shouldnt leave my dorm for ten years see u all in the next life

 **Keith**  
So long, space cowboy

 


	4. the one with the mattress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so theres no confusion, the format of the messaging is
> 
> first name/nickname > group name
> 
> full name > full name (even if they have nicknames)

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Keith Kogane**

 

SEP 13 AT 3:04 PM

_Katelyn Holt set the nickname for Keith Kogane to keef._

**keef** **  
** What

_Katelyn Holt set their own nickname to pidge._

**pidge**  
let me ask you something

 **keef** **  
** Okay

 **pidge** ****  
moon landing  
real or faked

 **keef**  
Obviously faked  
No discussion to be had

 **pidge** ****  
congratulations  
i’m listing you as the first person on my will

 **keef**  
I’m honored

 **pidge**  
you should be  
it’s not everyday i put someone on my will  
the only other name on it is my dog bae bae

 **keef**  
Bae bae?

 **pidge**  
yeah

 **keef**  
I can respect it

 **pidge**  
if you didn’t i’d have to eliminate you probably

 

* * *

**ROYALTY > brown & beautiful**

 

3:34 PM

 **ROYALTY** ****  
For Christ’s sake, Lance  
Stop picking fights with Keith

 **sharkboy**  
ive never picked a fight with anyone anywhere

 **muscle man**  
I wouldn’t call it picking a fight so much as riling him up

 **sharkboy** **  
** THANK you

 **muscle man**  
Didn’t mean that in a good way buddy

 **sharkboy** **  
** im choosing to ignore the fact that ur not on my side

 **muscle man**  
I am on your side!  
And being on your side entails wanting the best for you  
The best for you is helping you realize your faults

 **sharkboy**  
wow  
why dont u think about what u just said to me the next time u go thru my diary

 **muscle man** **  
** I’ve never gone through anyone’s diary anywhere

 **ROYALTY**  
Hunk! Tell me he isn’t serious

 **sharkboy** **  
** IM DEAD SERIOUS

 **ROYALTY**  
How could you go through his diary and not even tell me what you read????

 **muscle man** **  
** I’m sorry you’ve just been so busy!

 **ROYALTY**  
No excuses!  
I want a direct apology + the details the next time we meet at the cafe

 **sharkboy** **  
** alright what the fuck just happened here

 **muscle man** **  
** Nothing

 **sharkboy**  
first of all,  
allura i thought we had something but obviously i was wrong

 **muscle man**  
We been knew

 **sharkboy**  
s,jdfdjhfsjksld  
dont u DARE interrupt me  
not after the double betrayal u just pulled on me  
second of all!!!!  
hunk have fun sleeping on the fucking couch

 **muscle man**  
Lance I have my own bed

 **sharkboy**  
not anymore

 **muscle man** **  
** What

 **ROYALTY**  
I’m.....concerned

 

* * *

**Hunk > small booty hoes**

 

6:20 PM

 **Hunk**  
Hey everyone who wants to be my new best friend

 **Lance**  
lol

 **Pidge**  
what’s...........happening

 **Hunk**  
Long story short!  
I came back to our dorm from my evening class to find my bed mattressless, and Lance lounging on his suspiciously taller bed

 **Pidge**  
lance you did not

 **Lance**  
oh i DID

 **Keith**  
I’m not getting this

 **Pidge**  
this blue doritohead put hunk’s mattress on top of his own

 **Hunk**  
_[image sent]_

 **Lance**  
god i look gorgeous

 **Keith**  
Brb think I’ve gone blind

 **Lance**  
rude  
i think u could handle some bare legs keith its 2017 for hecks sake

 **Pidge**  
jesus you even put your sheets onto it neatly and everything  
what did he do to deserve this

 **Lance**  
he actively refused to support me and revealed that he exposed my secrets to an Anonymous Person in this group

 **Allura**  
I’m the anonymous person

 **Hunk**  
Lance don’t make me do it

 **Lance**  
the couch is perfectly fine for u to sleep on stop being dramatic

 **Hunk**  
You’ve forced my hand  
Everyone,

 **Lance**  
what are u doing

 **Hunk**  
Lance’s last relationship ended because he sneezed on her face when she was about to say I love you

 **Lance**  
wrkgkrkl,

 **Keith**  
Oh my god

 **Pidge**  
OH MY GOD???  
GIVE ME MORE

 **Lance**  
hunk PLS STOP

 **Hunk**  
Once in 9th grade he bought a rose for Allura but lost his nerve so he just straight up ate it before she saw him with it  
And then he vomited in the bathroom an hour later

 **Allura**  
OH MY GOODNESS  
LANCE!!!

 **Lance**  
hey hunk guess what im going to kill you in cold blood

 **Pidge**  
i need more  
give me more

 **Keith**  
Give the lady what she wants

 **Lance**  
u two STAY OUT OF THIS AND NOT ANOTHER WORD FROM U KEITH I FUCKING SWEAR

 **Keith**  
Pidge is talking too

 **Lance**  
yeah but u just really grind my gears

 **Pidge**  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Lance**  
dont do that

 **Keith**  
How did you make that face

 **Lance**  
hunk im sorry and u were right  
u can have ur mattress back just pls..................no more  
come home :(

 **Hunk**  
I’m just in the bathroom

 **Lance**  
its too far  
and also im hungry

 **Hunk**  
Then order something

 **Lance**  
STOP BEING PETTY  
WE BOTH NEED TO EAT

 **Pidge**  
this is absolutely fuckin surreal

 **Keith**  
Seriously how did you make that face

 

7:02 PM

 **Hunk**  
Update: we forgave each other

 **Keith**  
Did you get your mattress back

 **Hunk**  
We were too tired to put it back so we just made a fortress on the floor

 **Lance**  
feels like we’re 12 again  
the good ol days

 **Keith**  
So you guys got into a fight and made up in the same day??

 **Hunk**  
Yeah

 **Lance**  
p much

 **Keith**  
Well...okay then

 **Lance**  
communication is key

 **Hunk**  
Why don’t you come on over Keith!  
It could be like a sleepover :D

 **Keith**  
Is Lance still wearing those shorts

 **Lance**  
that i am

 **Keith**  
Then no

 **Lance**  
jeez

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

7:19 PM

 **Lance**  
hhheyyyyyy

 **Hunk**  
You are literally just in the bathroom

 **Lance**  
so in other news keith probably thinks im ugly

 **Hunk**  
Dude...  
You? And ugly? In the same sentence?  
Unfathomable

 **Lance**  
i know but still  
uhjghhggh i just wanna deck him in the fricking head

 **Hunk**  
You never acted like this with Allura

 **Lance**  
well yeah but thats bc allura is a Goddess that is eons out of my league  
and keiths out of my league too but hes........oblivious i guess

 **Hunk**  
No one’s ever out of your league dude  
Trust me on that

 **Lance**  
doesnt change the fact that he thinks im repulsive!!!!!  
me!!! repulsive!!!! can u believe that bullshit

 **Hunk**  
I know you’re doing that thing where you cover up your insecurity with a false bravado but trust me I think he’ll come around

 **Lance**  
cover up my what with a what now

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

8:14 PM

 **Shiro**  
If I’d seen the groupchat earlier I would’ve dragged you to their dorm myself.

 **Keith**  
I would’ve wormed out either way

 **Shiro**  
What stopped you from going?  
The “””””””shorts””””””””?

 **Keith**  
What’s up with the fucking quotation marks  
And kind of ig

 **Shiro**  
Oh.

 **Keith**  
He just  
His legs are really long  
Dangerously so

 **Shiro**  
Oh my goodness.

 **Keith**  
What happened

 **Shiro**  
Tell him you like pancakes.

 **Keith**  
What????

 **Shiro**  
Just do it, trust me.

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

8:28 PM

 **Keith**  
Hey  
So when I said pancakes were too soft I may have been generalizing them a bit  
I guess pancakes can be good when you make them right

 **Lance**  
holy fucking shit

 **Keith**  
What is it

 **Lance**  
ok  
ok ok im cool im calm

 **Keith**  
I mean I still don’t think they’re better than waffles  
But I could give them a chance

 **Lance**  
i..........can respect that  
ur no longer on my hitlist

 **Keith**  
So Pidge is on your hitlist too?

 **Lance**  
hell no are u fucking crazy  
pidge could kill me with her fucking thumb i would never try to target her

 

* * *

**Shiro > small booty hoes**

 

SEP 15 AT 1:02 PM

 **Shiro**  
Keith just put his pin on his backpack.  
It’s a little rainbow on an entirely black surface.

 **Pidge** **  
** IRONIC YET SYMBOLIC

 **Lance** ****  
the backpack represents his emo self  
the rainbow is his walled up heart

 **Keith** ****  
You do not get to psychoanalyze me  
Shiro, I’m gonna eat your fucking mac and cheese

 **Shiro**  
Do not touch my mac and cheese.

 **Keith**  
Tastes great.

 **Lance** **  
** does it sound like good pussy

 **Hunk** **  
** LANCNE

 **Lance** **  
** WELL DOES IT

 **Keith** ****  
I wouldn’t know  
But neither would you I suppose

 **Pidge** **  
** i.........................

 **Hunk** **  
** Hey Keith? Marry me

 **Lance** **  
** im calling the fucking police how fucking dare u fucking christ i fucking,

 **Hunk** **  
** He’s dead for the second time this month and you killed him Keith

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

5:30 PM

 **Keith** **  
** Can I ask you something

 

5:36 PM

 **Lance** **  
** after u deliberately disrespected me in my own home? interesting

 **Keith** **  
** If I apologized would that shut you up???

 **Lance**  
.......perhaps

 **Keith** ****  
Fine  
Sorry

 **Lance**  
LIKE U MEAN IT

 **Keith**  
Jesus  
I’m sorry I called you a virgin

 **Lance**  
well considering virginity is a social construct and no one should be ashamed of whether or not they still have theirs i guess i can forgive u

 **Keith** ****  
Wow  
Can I ask my question now

 **Lance** **  
** yes yes im shaking with anticipation

 **Keith** **  
** Ha ha

 **Lance** **  
** that was the scariest sarcastic laugh ive ever seen anyone type

 **Keith** **  
** How come you remembered me from the club fair

 **Lance** ****  
srsly **  
** there was a big sticker on ur back that said hello my name is keith

 **Keith** **  
** What the fuck

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

5:41 PM

 **Keith** **  
** At the club fair did you put a fucking nametag on my back

 **Shiro** ****  
Well, you weren't going voluntarily introduce yourself to other people.  
What was I supposed to do?

 **Keith** **  
** I could introduce myself to others on my own I’m not a baby

 **Shiro** **  
** You're still a child in my eyes.

 **Keith** **  
** I’M ALMOST NINETEEN

 **Shiro** ****  
Yes  
A very big toddler.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks again for all the comments! theyre all so sweet, you beautiful lemon kiddies. i mean, 330+ kudos????? unbelievable and i dont deserve it
> 
> have a great thanksgiving yall <333


	5. i'm only 26

* * *

**Keith > small booty hoes**

 

SEP 21 AT 4:01 PM

 **Keith** **  
** Why is it, that Lance curses like a sailor through text and censors himself like a grandpa in person

 **Lance** **  
** why are u calling me out like this

 **Hunk** **  
** He has a lot of nieces and nephews so he never really cursed out loud until he was like 14 or something

 **Lance** **  
** i can curse out loud  
_[voice clip sent]_

 **Keith** **  
** That was the softest “fuck” I’ve ever heard  
Step your game up

 **Lance** **  
** _[voice clip sent]_

 **Keith** **  
** Fuck you too Lance

 **Hunk**  
Aw Lance you sound so bashful

 **Lance** **  
** bashful my ass

 **Keith**  
Next time we meet up for the club I dare you to curse like this out loud

 **Lance**  
ok!!!! no problem!!!  
ur fucking on

 **Shiro**  
Please don't curse around the security guards again.

 **Lance** **  
** actually, u know what i could go for right about now  
some more wild stories about keith

 **Keith** **  
** What the hell do you mean more

 **Shiro** **  
** Haha

 **Lance** **  
** roll out the anecdotes shiro  
but this time, for Everyone to hear

 **Keith**  
Shiro

 **Shiro**  
I haven't done anything.  
Anyway, I should tell you guys about the time Keith challenged his first crush to a sword duel.

 **Lance**  
oh my godfsdjfdkfhkj

 **Keith** **  
** FUCKING STOP

 **Lance** **  
** KARMA

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Takashi Shirogane**

 

SEP 25 AT 6:09 PM

 **Matt** **  
** My dad keeps asking me why you won't accept his friend request???  
My question is why he cares more about being your friend than telling me that he made an account in the first place

 **takashit** **  
** Sam overloaded me with dad jokes the other day so I’m giving him the cold shoulder.

 **Matt** **  
** Well to be fair you are a dad in training

 **takashit**  
What’s that supposed to mean?

 **Matt** **  
** You're a dad

 **takashit** **  
** Is this another obscure inside joke

 **Matt**  
How are you so unaware  
Everything about you screams “father figure”

 **takashit**  
Is that how people see me?

 **Matt**  
It's not your fault shiro it's very natural most men your age go through the same thing

 **takashit** **  
** I’m only 26.  
...Oh god

 **Matt** **  
** :/ Do you need a shoulder to cry on during your early-mid-life crisis

 **takashit** **  
** I just need a second to recollect.

 **Matt** **  
** Whenever you're ready

 

6:40 PM

 **takashit** **  
** Do people really see me as a father figure????

 **Matt** **  
** I’m not even gonna lie this is fucking hilarious

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

6:42 PM

 **Shiro**  
Hey Keith.

 **Keith** **  
** Yeah what's up

 **Shiro** **  
** Do I feel like more of a brother or father figure to you?

 **Keith** **  
** Honestly a blend of both  
Why are you asking me this

 **Shiro** **  
** No reason. Just curious.

 **Keith** **  
** Okay...  
Are you having a midlife crisis or something

 **Shiro**  
I’m only 26!!!

 **Keith**  
Sure

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Hunk Garrett**

 

6:47 PM

 **Shiro** **  
** Hunk, do I seem like a father figure?

 **Hunk**  
Oh yeah absolutely

 **Shiro**  
What, seriously?

 **Hunk** **  
** Yeah you've got that aura  
The tired, exasperated dad that does his best to wrangle his energetic kid (Keith)

 **Shiro** **  
**...I guess I can see that.

 **Hunk** **  
** That, and you're the oldest person in the group so you're the parent by default

 **Shiro**   **  
** I’m only 26.

 **Hunk**  
Exactly

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Katelyn Holt**

 

6:55 PM

 **shirt** **  
** Pidge, do I seem like a father figure?

 **Pidge**  
yeah

 **shirt** **  
** Why??

 **Pidge** **  
** you're the only person in the group with a sense of morals

 **shirt** **  
** Okay, I see what you mean, but you and Allura have a good sense of morals too.

 **Pidge**  
allura, sure, but i came to terms with the fact that i will always be a deviant  
you have your Morality + your Age

 **shirt** **  
** My age??

 **Pidge**  
yeah you're like 30

 **shirt** **  
** I’M ONLY 26

 

* * *

**Pidge > small booty hoes**

 

7:05 PM

 **Pidge** **  
** guys i think it's intervention time  
all those who have been approached by Father Shiro say i  
i

 **Hunk** **  
** I

 **Keith** **  
** I

 **Lance** **  
** i

 **Shiro** **  
** I can verify I did not go to Lance because he would have made a daddy joke.

 **Lance**  
THAT IS so true yeah i wouldve

 **Allura** **  
** What's the matter Shiro?

 **Shiro** **  
** Nothing’s wrong, I swear! I just asked them a question.

 **Keith**  
I can physically feel the stress radiating off of you from your apartment

 **Lance**  
dude.......are u going through a Crisis

 **Pidge** **  
** he is and i bet every sweat gland in my body that matt was the catalyst for it

 **Shiro** **  
** I’m not going through any crisis.

 **Allura**  
Denial is always the first stage

 **Shiro** **  
** I’m not in denial! I’m not even old enough to go through a crisis.

 **Pidge** **  
** yes of course you're only 26

 **Keith** **  
** Only 26

 **Hunk** **  
** Only 26

 **Shiro** **  
** All of you? Grounded.

 **Hunk**  
Maybe you're having a mini crisis because you've already gone into your late twenties? I mean when you think about it after 25 there's no more birthdays to look forward to when you were growing up and now all that's ahead of you is a certified adult life and taxes and a career and before you know it, retirement and receiving your pension and looking out the window as you lounge on your rocking chair and watch your grandchildren play in the grass

 **Lance**  
u just made my life flash before my fucking eyes

 **Keith** **  
** Hunk what the hell  
Are you okay

 **Shiro**  
Wow.

 **Hunk**  
Well that's just one theory

 **Lance** **  
** shiro.........we now understand ur pain

 **Shiro** **  
** I’m not in pain?

 **Keith** **  
** Denying it won't make it go away

 **Shiro** **  
** Well, look who's talking.

 **Keith**  
Shut up.

 **Allura** **  
** I think you need a warm cup of coffee to cheer you up, like it helps Pidge!

 **Pidge** **  
** caFFEINE BABY

 **Allura** **  
** You're only as young as you feel! Your youth is in your heart, Shiro

 **Keith**  
Yeah, you're not getting any younger but you are still young you know

 **Shiro** **  
** That...actually makes me feel a bit better.  
Thanks Allura, Keith.

 **Hunk**  
And HUNK for making the breakthrough

 **Pidge** **  
** and pidge for initiating the intervention

 **Lance** **  
** and lance for generally being a beautiful and warm entity that makes anyone within a 5 mile radius 200% happier

 **Keith** **  
** Sounds fake but okay

 **Lance** **  
** dont start

 **Shiro** **  
** Yes, thank you all as well.  
You guys are very...forthright. Especially you, Hunk.

 **Hunk** **  
** I say what I feel and I feel what I say

 

7:44 PM

 **Shiro** **  
** I have something to confess.

 **Lance** **  
** oh?

 **Shiro**  
I didn’t accidentally bleach the front of my hair.  
...I was growing gray hairs due to stress so I dyed it white.

 **Keith**  
What hte fuckdsjkl

 **Lance**  
WHSHDGSDFHJ

 **Pidge** **  
** secrets unleashed: episode 104

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Matthew Holt**

 

7:56 PM

 **matt cosplay** **  
** hey asshole i know you’re out of class  
what did you do to shiro

 

8:15 PM

 **OG Holt**  
What are you talking about

 **matt cosplay** **  
** that’s what a person who knows exactly what i’m talking about would say

 **OG Holt** **  
** Ok i may have some idea of what you’re talking about  
But to be fair i thought he was self aware

 **matt cosplay** **  
** apologize. now.

 **OG Holt**  
BUT I DIDN’T MEAN TO

 **matt cosplay**  
i have mom on speed dial

 **OG Holt**  
Ok ok jesus christ

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Takashi Shirogane**

 

8:22 PM

 **Matt** **  
** So i hear you’ve gone through at least 8 panic attacks since our conversation two hours ago

 **takashit** **  
** Jeez. Word spreads fast.

 **Matt** **  
** That, and you also directly contacted my sister which automatically links the situation to me

 **takashit**  
...True.

 **Matt** **  
** I just came to say  
I’m sorry for making you feel old

 **takashit** **  
** I’ve felt old since I was twelve.  
It’s not your fault.

 **Matt** **  
** Can i quote you on that

 **takashit**  
No

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Allura Altea**

 

SEP 26 AT 3:26 PM

 **Lance** **  
** why are u never online????

 **heart eye emoji** **  
** What do you mean?

 **Lance** **  
** idk it feels like we barely ever talk

 **heart eye emoji** **  
** Oh, Lance  
You miss me!

 **Lance** **  
** OF COURSE I DO

 **heart eye emoji** **  
** In a non-romantic way?

 **Lance** **  
** never ;)

 **heart eye emoji** **  
** Suuuuuuure

 **Lance** **  
** i mean we talked way more before i graduated this summer

 **heart eye emoji** **  
** That’s true...  
While I do moderate the GSA, I also have two more courses that I attend this semester.  
The workload is very demanding.

 **Lance** **  
** jeez louise.........now i feel bad for complaining  
thanks a lot allura

 **heart eye emoji** **  
** It’s always nice to see that genuine soft side from you, Lance.

 **Lance**  
sorry cant hear u  
anyways i wanted to ask why u started the group if ur workload’s so heavy then

 **heart eye emoji  
** Group bonding is important to having a successful and thriving club!  
Even if I’m not always there, I’m glad to see you all becoming so much closer and comfortable with each other.

 **Lance**  
me? close and comfortable with keith? Think Again.

 **heart eye emoji** **  
** I’ve been meaning to talk to you about him in private...

 **Lance** **  
** oh god  
dont tell me u have a thing for him

 **heart eye emoji**  
No?? He’s gay  
And I’m not the one with the Thing for him

 **Lance**  
what u talkin bout willis

 **heart eye emoji** **  
** I may not always participate in the conversation, but I’m there...watching, observing.

 **Lance**  
WAIT  
UR THE ONE THAT ALWAYS LEAVES ME ON READ

 **heart eye emoji** **  
** Ha  
So I’ve noticed, you have this sort of schoolboy crush on Keith.

 **Lance**  
ok im gonna stop u right there  
a little healthy rivalry does not equal crush

 **heart eye emoji** **  
** _[gif sent]_

 **Lance**  
allura bskdjfhkhsfhslf

 **heart eye emoji** **  
** You know you’re in denial when I have to send you the Conceited gif

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

3:58 PM

 **Lance** **  
** Allura Knows.  
ALLURA KNOWS

 **Hunk**  
Well you’re not exactly subtle

 **Lance** **  
** UR NOT HELPING

 

* * *

**Lance > small booty hoes**

 

SEP 27 AT 11:09 AM

_Lance named the group ISSA BADDIE HAVE U SEEN HER_

**Hunk**  
Just a couple of dudes bein guys

 **Lance**  
just a couple of guys bein dudes

 **Hunk** **  
** Just a couple of dudes bein Gay

 **Pidge**  
i’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going

 **Keith** **  
** Joining this convo midway through with no context is the wildest fucking experience

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a deleted scene shows keith cursing furiously about how cute lance sounded when he tried to curse in the voice clip


	6. oh my god they were study buddies

* * *

**Pidge > ISSA BADDIE HAVE U SEEN HER**

 

OCT 1 AT 12:04 AM

 **Pidge** **  
** i’m changing the group name

 **Lance** **  
** rip (pussy game that was on katrina)

_Pidge named the group SPOOPY HOES._

**Lance** **  
** i fucking approve so hard

 **Hunk** **  
** I’m not a hoe sadly

 **Lance** **  
** well i sure am

 **Pidge** **  
** lance you should be sleeping, you fucking baby

 **Lance** **  
** all of first,

 **Hunk**  
No

 **Pidge** **  
** time for the halloween anthem to reign supreme  
SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS  
_[video sent]_

 **Lance** **  
** play this song at my wedding

 **Hunk** **  
** You mean OUR wedding

 **Lance** **  
**.......are u asking what i think ur asking

 **Hunk** **  
** Lance,

 **Lance**  
oh my god this is too much we’re just kids

 **Hunk** **  
** I didn’t even ask yet

 **Lance**  
this is so sudden but yes

 **Hunk** **  
** Sweet

 **Keith** **  
** What the fuck just happened

 **Lance** **  
** hunk and i got engaged what else

 **Keith** **  
** Are you two actually dating

 **Hunk** **  
** Nah

 **Lance** **  
** he doesn’t have the privilege of dating me, no  
but i do love him

 **Hunk** **  
** :’) Same

 **Pidge** **  
** ohh nice

 **Lance** **  
** hunk is my queerplanetonic partner  
planentioc

 **Pidge** **  
** it’s okay take your time

 **Lance** **  
** platnoc  
however the fuck u say it  
hunk’s my qp partner

 **Hunk** **  
** Tag yourself I’m planentioc

 **Pidge** **  
** i’m the crushing weight of existence on the shoulders of everyone in this group

 **Lance** **  
** i mean ur not wrong

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

11:10 AM

 **Keith** **  
** Somebody left their jeans in one of the aisles in the library???  
_[image sent]_

 **Lance**  
MOOD  
why are u in the library on a sunday morning

 **Keith** **  
** It’s almost noon

 **Lance** **  
** too early

 **Keith** **  
** I’m writing my essay for Psych

 **Lance** **  
** ugh dont even remind me of essays  
i have one due at midnight tonight

 **Keith** **  
** And have you actually started it yet

 **Lance** **  
** well  
i plan to

 **Keith**  
Of course

 **Lance**  
look i can pop out a 5 page essay in an hour if i really tried

 **Keith** **  
** Would it be good

 **Lance**  
well,,,

 **Keith**  
Why haven’t you started it yet

 **Lance**  
distractions  
dickstractions

 **Keith**  
Gonna ignore that last part  
Where do you usually write your essays

 **Lance** **  
** in my dorm  
why are u asking so many questions this is so unlike u

 **Keith** **  
** Just come to the library  
Write it here

 **Lance** **  
** oh my go,,,,,

 **Keith**  
What

 **Lance** **  
** are u asking me to hang out

 **Keith** **  
** No I’m suggesting you write your essay at the library

 **Lance**  
oh my god ur asking me to hang out

 **Keith** **  
** NO  
You don’t even have to talk to me or anything just write your essay

 **Lance** **  
** keith its ok we are friends after all

 

11:41 AM

 **Lance**  
omw to the library now  
prepare urself

 **Keith** **  
** For what

 **Lance** **  
** my awesomeness of course

 **Keith** **  
** Just hurry up

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Lance McClain**

 

11:54 AM

 **Hunk** **  
** Hey uh where the heck are you

 

12:28 PM

 **Hunk** **  
** Helloooooo  
I know you have your phone with you

 

12:53 PM

 **Hunk** **  
** Wait maybe you don’t  
Shoot what if you broke it or something  
I told you to be more careful with your phone Lance how the frick am I supposed to know if you’re okay when YOU WON’T RESPOND

 

1:15 PM

 **Hunk** **  
** I’m going to kill you.

 **Lance**  
hunk jesus christ

 **Hunk**  
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

 **Lance** **  
** THE LIBRARY

 **Hunk** **  
** Sorry for a second there I thought you said the library

 **Lance** **  
** i did >:((((

 **Hunk**  
What. Are you doing. THAT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU COULDN’T AT LEAST TELL ME YOU WERE OKAY

 **Lance** **  
** ok first im gonna need u to quiet down

 **Hunk** **  
** For 8000 dollars a month, I will stop,

 **Lance** **  
** SECOND,  
im writing my essay,,,,,,,with keith and whatever

 **Hunk**  
??!?!!??!  
BRO

 **Lance** **  
** and i had my phone in my bag jeez

 **Hunk** **  
** You put your phone away for more than an hour???  
Who are you

 **Lance** **  
** anyway i wasnt even gone for that long

 **Hunk**  
You’re literally never out of bed before noon on the weekends you gave me an actual physical heart attack

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Keith Kogane**

 

1:29 PM

 **pidge**  
i know texting isn’t your strong suit but it’s 1 in the afternoon and you still haven’t responded to my cocktober chain message

 **keef**  
I’ve been writing my essay  
And literally never send me another one of those messages ever again

 **pidge**  
no promises  
& must be a really difficult essay

 **keef**  
It’s the one for my psych class  
But I’ve got four pages so far

 **pidge** **  
** already? you started writing that one like yesterday

 **keef** **  
** Well I got some help on it

 **pidge** **  
** really  
and who helped you

 **keef**  
Lance  
What of it

 **pidge** **  
** nothin

 **keef** **  
** Okay...

 **pidge** **  
** so what have you guys been up to today

 **keef** **  
** We’ve just been writing together for an hour or so

 **pidge** **  
** interesting  
i leave you alone for one day and suddenly you're on a date

 **keef** **  
** It's not????? A date???????

 **pidge** **  
** INTERESTING

 **keef** **  
** Whatever you're thinking, stop

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

6:33 PM

 **Lance** **  
** ive got 3 pages so far!! fucc im on a roll

 **Keith** **  
** Just 2 more to go

 **Lance** **  
** thanks  
for helping me out today

 **Keith** **  
** You returned the favor so consider it an even score

 **Lance** **  
** so what im hearing is.............theres a score?

 **Keith** **  
** Draw your own conclusions

 **Lance** **  
** ok so i have 1000 points and u have like 2 got it

 **Keith** **  
** Wtf no  
The score is even

 **Lance** **  
** sorry but u will never reach my level

 **Keith**  
Yes I will  
What the fuck am I even saying I’m beyond your level

 **Lance**  
ur nowhere NEAR my level

 **Keith** **  
** I’M THOUSANDS OF POINTS PAST YOUR LEVEL

 **Lance** **  
** NO  
IM 1000 AND UR 2

 **Keith** **  
** How did you get so many fucking points??????

 **Lance** **  
** by existing

 **Keith** **  
** I’m done with this conversation bye

 

* * *

**Pidge > SPOOPY HOES**

 

OCT 4 AT 10:20 AM

 **Pidge**  
it’s a they/them day folks

 **Hunk** **  
** Say no more

 **Shiro** **  
** Owning who you are will make you a better student.

 **Pidge**  
shiro i’m going to punch your kneecaps

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Keith Kogane**

 

11:21 AM

 **Hunk** **  
** Okay dude  
_[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_  
Which cookie design should I use?

 **Keith** **  
** I like the skull cookies  
In the second pic, the spider cookies don’t look creepy enough

 **Hunk** **  
** I don’t want them to look creepy I want them to look cute :(

 **Keith** **  
** Well they’re still a bit plain  
So...maybe try giving them big eyes??

 **Hunk** **  
** Hmm

 

11:40 AM

 **Hunk**  
Okay!!  
_[image sent]_  
Ultra super duper cute spider cookies with googly eyes

 **Keith**  
Did you give them blush

 **Hunk** **  
** Maybe

 **Keith** **  
** ...Nice touch  
You’re bringing these in for the club today?

 **Hunk** **  
** Right you are

 **Keith** **  
** Why are you just now finishing them

 **Hunk** **  
** Well,

 **Keith** **  
** I mean isn’t that how it works  
You decorate them and store them overnight

 **Hunk** **  
** I did make cookies yesterday night, yes

 **Keith** **  
** Alright

 **Hunk** **  
**.....Buuuuuuut I totally botched them because I was kinda tipsy.

 **Keith** **  
** I’m sorry but you seem like the last person on Earth to drink underage

 **Hunk** **  
** You can blame Lance  
He’s a horrible influence

 **Keith**  
Wtf

 **Hunk** **  
** Yeah I know

 **Keith**  
No I mean  
Lance is the last person I’d expect to drink as well as you

 **Hunk** **  
** Well the first time he drank alcohol was his seventeenth birthday and he tried to down a shot of liquor and coughed so hard he almost threw up

 **Keith** **  
** Why does every story end with him throwing up

 **Hunk**  
Because he does dumb stuff

 **Keith** **  
** You got me there

 

* * *

**Allura > SPOOPY HOES**

 

9:47 PM

 **Allura** **  
** Is anyone up?

 **Pidge** **  
** it's barely ten who would be sleeping

 **Hunk** **  
** Lance passed out half an hour ago

 **Pidge** **  
** damn i forgot he was still alive smh

 **Keith** **  
** What's going on

 **Allura** **  
** I need some recommendations!

 **Hunk** **  
** Recommendations for what?  
I woke Lance up

 **Keith** **  
** Unfortunate

 **Allura** **  
** Okay, what are your favorite restaurants?

 **Lance** **  
** dave n busters  
& fuck u keith

 **Allura**  
Wow I’ve never been to Fuck U Keith before

 **Lance** **  
** yeah it opened up like last month  
im the owner

 **Pidge** **  
** so your favorite restaurant is your own

 **Lance** **  
** self love is bi culture

 **Keith** **  
** Mine's Outback steakhouse

 **Pidge** **  
** jesus christ

 **Shiro** **  
** I’d have to say I love Outback too.

 **Keith** **  
** Copycat much?

 **Lance** **  
** bfjfkdjskfd

 **Hunk** **  
** I really love the Sugar Factory

 **Lance** **  
** uve been there once

 **Hunk** **  
** Quality over quantity

 **Lance**  
lmao u said titty

 **Keith** **  
** Are you high or something

 **Lance** **  
** yeah

 **Shiro** **  
** What???

 **Hunk** **  
** No  
He's just sleepy

 **Shiro**  
Oh, okay.

 **Lance** **  
** stop EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING FRIENDS DAD

 **Allura** **  
** Hey Lance, it's alright  
You're the fiercest rebel I know :)

 **Lance** **  
** whwhj  
NUT

 **Allura**  
Thank you all for the answers!  
I’m leaning towards the Sugar Factory.

 **Lance** **  
** u got sugar factory money???

 **Allura** **  
** No but I’m determined and that’s what really matters.

 **Hunk** **  
** Tell me about it

 **Shiro** **  
** So what’s the occasion for the restaurant?

 **Allura** **  
** I may or may not have a date :$

 **Lance** **  
** uhh?

 **Hunk** **  
** Ohoho I think I know who it might be

 **Pidge** **  
** i need a name allura

 **Allura** **  
** Her name is Shay  
She’s a very sweet girl who studies politics

 **Lance** **  
** woah, ur going on a date with shay?

 **Allura** **  
** Yes!!!

 **Hunk** **  
** NICE  
Called it since day one

 **Keith** **  
** That’s really cool, Allura

 **Allura** **  
** THANK YOU KEITH

 **Keith** **  
** Relax

 **Allura** **  
** I’m sorry I’m just so happy

 **Keith** **  
** Here’s to hoping all goes well

 **Allura**  
YES  
Lance, can we do face masks this weekend? I need to be glowing.

 **Lance** **  
** idk  
i have to see if i’m free

 **Allura** **  
** Sunday at noon?

 **Lance** **  
** i’ll probably have to work on my presentation for public speaking

 **Allura** **  
** Okay! Let me know if anything clears up.

 **Lance** **  
** will do

 

* * *

**Allura Altea > Lance McClain**

 

10:41 PM

 **Allura** **  
** Please tell me you’re still awake

 

10:48 PM

 **Lance** **  
** yeah what’s up

 **Allura** **  
** Are you alright?

 **Lance** **  
** yeah  
i'm good, why

 **Allura** **  
** Hunk told me you were crying.

 **Lance** **  
** that fuckign traitor

 **Allura**  
Lance...

 **Lance** **  
** its not that im not happy for you  
i 100000% am happy for you, i mean, shay??? the embodiment of all that is good and pure in this world???? Amazing.  
i just, i dont know

 **Allura**  
You can tell me how you feel, you do know that right?

 **Lance** **  
** well its hard when its ABOUT you

 **Allura** **  
** It’s okay, you can talk to me.

 **Lance** **  
** you were the first person i ever fell in love with  
there, i said it!!!  
and even if im not totally in love with you now i kind of always will be, in a way???  
and knowing youll be with someone else now, it........really hurts  
but i know its not your fault, so dont blame yourself

 **Allura** **  
** I understand.  
I’m still sorry for hurting you :(

 **Lance** **  
** hey man its ok  
ill bounce back somehow  
and you got a beautiful soon-to-be gf i hope  
do you still wanna do the face masks on sunday? ill even get up early for you

 **Allura** **  
** !!!!!! Yes  
It’d be nice to finally see you outside of the club

 **Lance** **  
** ugh yes i know im such a delight  
now the next thing on my bucket list is to get a s/o before anyone Else in the group does

 **Allura** **  
** Well Keith is still single

 **Lance** **  
** ok im going to sleep bye never message me or my son ever again

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i. love. Every Goddamn One Of You. thank you for the comments they keep me alive


	7. enter: matt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi just wanted to pop this one out before finals week rawed me dry please enjoy and i love you all

* * *

**Hunk > SPOOPY HOES**

 

OCT 13 AT 6:07 PM

 **Hunk** **  
**Announcement!!!  
Movie night tonight and you are all invited

 **Pidge** **  
** what’s the movie

 **Lance**  
we’re still deciding between nightmare on elm street or friday the 13th

 **Pidge**  
i say friday the 13th

 **Hunk**  
Or! How about a more family friendly halloween movie like Twitches :D

 **Lance**  
it isnt fair for u to fucking tempt me like that  
u know that twitches is my favorite nonscary halloween movie

 **Pidge**  
hunk don’t be a wuss

 **Lance**  
YEAH HUNK  
DONT BE A WUSS

 **Hunk** **  
**FINE  
IF WE HAVE TO CHOOSE I SAY NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

 **Pidge** **  
** seriously?? that seems like the scarier one of the two if i’m being honest

 **Hunk** **  
** Friday the 13th has more visual gore :(

 **Lance** **  
**dude freddy literally cuts his fucking fingers off in a scene  
and the gore effects in both movies are shit bc they were made like a hundred yrs ago

 **Hunk** **  
** WELL THE VIOLENCE IS STILL SCARY

 **Pidge** **  
** okay but the end scene of nightmare on elm street is fucking hilarious

 **Hunk**  
Can’t argue with that

 **Keith** **  
**I can’t make it to your dorm tonight  
Maybe another day

 **Hunk**  
We’re not watching it in the dorm  
Well me and Lance are but we’re watching it through rabb.it

 **Keith** **  
** Oh

 **Hunk** **  
** You have an account?

 **Keith** **  
** No, but I could make one

 **Shiro**  
I have one.

 **Hunk** **  
** Allura???

 **Allura** **  
** I am literally already in the chatroom.

 **Lance**  
ive been talking to allura in the chatroom for the last 10 minutes everyone step the fuck up

 **Hunk**  
Okay everyone join Lance’s Room when you get on

 **Lance** **  
** ISSA PARTY LADS

 

* * *

**lance mclovin’s Room**

 

– Today –

 **lance** 6:31 pm  
yeah but then i told her i dont suck toes

 **Allura** 6:31 pm  
Woah :o

 **pidge** 6:32 pm  
jesus christ

 **Shiro** 6:32 pm  
Lance.

 **lance** 6:32 pm  
ok ok we’re just kidding  
welcome everyone to my Humble Abode

 **Keith** 6:32 pm  
It’s a chatroom

 **lance** 6:33 pm  
if u want to rain on my parade the door is right there keith

 **pidge** 6:34 pm  
have we decided on the movie yet

 **Allura** 6:34 pm  
Yes! We’ve decided on Nightmare on Elm Street

 **Keith** 6:36 pm  
I haven’t actually seen that before

 **lance** 6:37 pm  
its a classic my guy  
dare i say..........a Masterpiece

 **Hunk** 6:37 pm  
You only say that because you gush over Johnny Depp everytime we watch it

 **lance** 6:37 pm  
well i mean he was fucking hot what do u expect

 **Keith** 6:38 pm  
Can we please, for the love of god, start the movie

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

8:30 PM

 **Lance** **  
** so what did u think of the movie!!!

 **Keith** **  
**It was alright  
I liked his fingerblades they were cool

 **Lance** **  
** well gee that’s surprising

 **Keith** **  
** The end scene was really fucking weird

 **Lance** **  
** yeah its really........somethin

 **Keith** **  
** I thought you don’t do well with scary movies?

 **Lance** **  
** i dont but i love watching them

 **Keith** **  
** Masochist

 **Lance**  
keith thats kinky  
but older scary movies dont affect me that much bc its easy to tell that its fake  
newer ones.....with better cgi and shit.....those are the ones that Get To Me

 **Keith**  
Guess that makes sense

 **Lance** **  
** u are indifferent to everything

 

8:40 PM

 **Keith** **  
** I am not

 **Lance** **  
** u were gonna type “i guess” werent u

 **Keith** **  
** That’s none of your fucking business

 **Lance** **  
**dude  
lets play a game

 **Keith** **  
** And this is my cue to leave

 **Lance** **  
**NO  
U STAY HERE U EMO FUCK

 **Keith** **  
** I’M NOT EMO

 **Lance**  
denial.  
and its not actually a game i just want to ask u questions

 **Keith** **  
**...Questions  
About what?

 **Lance** **  
** well IM GLAD U ASKED

 **Keith** **  
** I already feel stressed out by this

 **Lance** **  
** what are you passionate about

 **Keith** **  
**Okay, that was...a deeper question than I thought it would be  
I don’t know? Can’t really think of anything

 **Lance** **  
** well what really butters your eggroll

 **Keith**  
Never say that to me again

 **Lance** **  
**come on, work with me here!!!  
what do you LOVE

 **Keith** **  
**I really like knives.  
Swords, blades in general

 **Lance** **  
**wo w...... W O W ......totally DID NOT know that At All  
its not like you carry a knife in your holster that you literally sharpen given any chance

 **Keith** **  
**Okay you’re exaggerating  
I’ve never sharpened it in front of you  
I don’t know what else to say

 **Lance** **  
**how about this  
why did you choose to study biopsychology

 **Keith** **  
**Oh. That  
Idk, I wanted to learn more about how the body and brain affects emotions and development and all that stuff  
Considering I am,  
On the spectrum

 **Lance**  
oh! i didnt know

 **Keith** **  
**It’s not exactly something I announce  
...Do you have a problem with it?

 **Lance** **  
**of course not  
my nephew has autism too  
but i dont mean that in the “i know someone whos like this so im automatically not problematic” way  
while we are on the subject of mental things i have adhd!

 **Keith**  
Huh. That doesn’t surprise me  
You're really fidgety  
You have a fidget cube right

 **Lance** **  
**YES I LOVE MY FIDGET CUBE  
and i have this habit of pacing when i need to stim

 **Keith** **  
** I used to scratch my arms and the backs of my hands a lot

 **Lance**  
valid  
have u watched those stimming ig videos of the paint and the slime

 **Keith** **  
** I don’t like those

 **Lance** **  
**um I DO  
theyre so soothing to watch

 **Keith** **  
** Watching them makes me irritated

 **Lance** **  
** well ur just an angry person

 **Keith** **  
** I mean you’re not wrong, for once

 **Lance** **  
**ill let that one slide for now  
hunk has anxiety so he watches those step by step cooking videos to calm down sometimes

 **Keith** **  
** I’ve seen those too

 **Lance** **  
**hhhn and i love makeup videos  
watching somebody finesse their face like a beautiful canvas........good shit right there

 **Keith** **  
** You like a lot more artsy stuff

 **Lance** **  
** well i also like videos of, fuckin smashing buildings and cars crashing into shit and violence and stuff

 **Keith** **  
** Don’t give in to toxic masculinity

 **Lance**  
fucc ur right

 

* * *

**hunky > science sluts**

 

OCT 15 AT 1:00 PM

 **hunky** **  
** HELLO MATT

 **doormatt** **  
** HELLO HUNK

 **hunky** **  
** HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS FINE AFTERNOON

 **doormatt** **  
** I’M FARING QUITE WELL, AND YOURSELF?

 **hunky**  
JUST DANDY

 **doormatt** **  
** I AM GLAD TO HEAR THAT

 **hunky** **  
** AND I, AS WELL

 **pidger**  
why do you two do this every fucking afternoon

 **doormatt** **  
** Don’t ruin the flow pidge

 **hunky**  
Come on Pidge :/

 **doormatt** **  
** Come the fuck ON PIDGE

 **hunky**  
JESUS CHRIST PIDGE

 **doormatt** **  
** For FUCK’S SAKE PIDGE

 **pidger** **  
** i am 9 years old and if you continue i will not hesitate to contact the police

 

* * *

**Pidge > SPOOPY HOES**

 

7:07 PM

 **Pidge** **  
** whomst else in this group wouldst have midterms this week

 **Lance** **  
** me binch

 **Shiro** **  
**I’m helping out with some of the free tutoring sessions in the next few weeks.  
Maybe you guys could stop by.

 **Lance** **  
** SWEET

 **Pidge** **  
**wait don’t tell me–  
matt’s going to be there as a tutor too isn’t he

 **Shiro**  
He was actually the one who convinced me to do it.

 **Lance** **  
**whos matt  
is he cute

 **Pidge**  
he’s my brother  & no he’s disgusting

 **Lance** **  
**ohhh ok i remember you mentioned him once like ten yrs ago  
i think hunk has met him right

 **Pidge** **  
** understatement of the year

 **Lance** **  
** hunk is he cute

 **Pidge**  
okay that’s not fair he’s practically hunk’s boyfriend

 **Lance** **  
**incorrect  
IM hunks boyfriend

 **Pidge** **  
** tru

 **Hunk** **  
** Yeah he’s kinda hot

 **Pidge**  
HUnK WHAT

 **Hunk** **  
** I’M BEING TOTALLY OBJECTIVE

 **Lance** **  
**oh YES OK  
pidge can i get ur blessing

 **Pidge**  
never in my life

 **Lance** **  
** hunk add him

 **Pidge** **  
** Pardon Me.

 **Lance** **  
** HUNK ADD HIM

 **Hunk**  
OKAY

 **Pidge** **  
** i swear to GOD

_Hunk Garrett added Matthew Holt._

**Pidge**  
Hey Hunk? You Better Watch Your Fucking Back.

 **Matthew**  
What is this  
Oh my god is this the gay groupchat

 **Hunk** **  
** Yes

 **Matthew**  
Hi everyone I’m aggressively bisexual

 **Shiro** **  
** Well, I wouldn’t say aggressive. More like passionate.

 **Lance**  
HI MATT I AM ALSO BISEXUAL

 **Matthew** **  
** BISEXUAL

 **Lance** **  
** B I S E X U A L

 **Pidge** **  
** this is horrible

 **Keith** **  
** What did I miss

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl i lowkey highkey ship hatt. munk?? idk man all the ship names in this fandom are fucked


	8. disgustening birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year everyone!!! 
> 
> there's matt/hunk now because it's a wholesome ship and i have zero self control

* * *

**Hunk > SPOOPY HOES**

 

OCT 20 AT 9:32 PM

 **Hunk**  
Hello can anyone with a car offer a quick ride

 **Pidge**  
hell yeah

 **Matt** **  
** Do not take my car

 **Pidge** **  
** god i forgot you were in this fucking group

 **Keith**  
I did too tbh

 **Matt** **  
** Wow i actually focus wholeheartedly on my studies for three (3) days and suddenly i don’t exist

 **Pidge** **  
** pretty much

 **Hunk** **  
** Guys!!! Car!!!!

 **Matt** **  
** I’ll pick you up  
Wya

 **Hunk**  
The movie theater just off campus  
Lance doesn’t have enough for a lyft or uber

 **Matt** **  
** Cuz lance is WACK

 **Lance** **  
** umm BINCH!!!!!!!

 

9:46 PM

 **Lance** **  
** look at this fucking loser  
coming to pick us up in his lame ass volvo  
_[image sent]_

 **Keith** **  
** You're such a hater

 **Matt** **  
** I don't care about my haters and if you wanna fight me, then FIGHT me

 **Shiro** **  
** Please don't do this.

 **Pidge** **  
** what up i'm pidge i'm 16 and i never fuckin learned how to R e a d

 **Allura** **  
** Actually MEGAN, I can't sit anywhere, I have  
H E M O R R H O I D S

 **Hunk** **  
** What up, it's ya boy uhhhhhhhhh S K I N N Y P E N I S

 **Keith** **  
** CHRIS, is that a WEED  
I’M CALLING THE POLICE

 **Lance** **  
** SOME GUYS WILL JUST FEED U LIES, BUT ILL TAKE U TO MICKEY DEEEEEEEEEEEES

 **Matt** **  
** You know, the fact that shiro recognized the vine that i quoted is.........interesting

 **Shiro** **  
** Okay I’m not eighty years old.  
I did use Vine.

 **Keith** **  
** Yeah we know you're only 26

 **Pidge** **  
** and the correct term for what shiro’s going through is in fact a Quarter Life Crisis  
they do exist apparently

 **Shiro** **  
** Why are we still discussing this?

 **Pidge**  
to be fair keith only knows that vine because i showed him a vine comp and that was his favorite one

 **Keith** **  
** It's humor at its finest

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

OCT 23 AT 9:25 AM

 **Shiro** **  
** Morning, Keith!  
Wanna stop by the mess hall before class?

 

9:31 AM

 **Keith** **  
** Uh yeah sure  
Are we doing anything else today

 **Shiro** **  
** No.  
Why would we?

 

9:44 AM

 **Keith** **  
** No reason lmao

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Katelyn Holt**

 

9:51 AM

 **keef** **  
** You doing anything today?

 **pidge** **  
** yeah, why

 **keef** **  
** Oh  
Just wanted to see if we could hang out

 **pidge** **  
** yeah no hunk and i are working on a project together today

 **keef** **  
** Okay

 **pidge** **  
** another day?

 **keef** **  
** Sure.

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

10:14 AM

 **mulletface** **  
** Hey

 **Lance** **  
** hey?  
whats up

 **mulletface** **  
** Are you busy today

 **Lance** **  
** unfortunately yes  
ive got a book report to work on

 **mulletface** **  
** Cool  
Maybe I could help you with it in the library?

 **Lance** **  
** oh its ok u dont gotta go thru the trouble  
im gonna try to go at it on my own  
practice makes perfect and all

 **mulletface** **  
** Oh, well alright

 **Lance** **  
** maybe tomorrow!

 **mulletface** **  
** Of course, yeah

 

* * *

**shoro > Disgustening.**

 

10:46 AM

 **shoro** **  
** Guys, I don't think I can keep this up.

 **podge** **  
** yes the Heck you can

 **lonce** **  
** come on shiro weve been planning this for too long for it to go down in flames this early

 **shoro** **  
** I can feel his heart breaking from where I stand.  
I’ve never forgotten his birthday before!

 **lonce** **  
** THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS

 **podge** **  
** NOW YOU'RE SPEAKIN MY LANGUAGE LANCE

 **lonce** **  
** fucc yeah  
hunk hows the cake lookin

 **honk** **  
** All that's left is the icing and then I’m gonna stick it in the freezer!

 **shoro** **  
** Chocolate?

 **honk** **  
** Yes siree

 **lonce** **  
** and what of the decorations?

 **allora** **  
** Taken care of!  
Matt and I snuck into Shiro’s flat to drop everything off.

 **shoro** **  
** You did what now.

 **lonce** **  
** sweet!  
ill swing by soon with the hbd banner

 **shoro** **  
** How do you know where I keep my spare key????

 **mott** **  
** Lol you never invite anyone over but you have a welcome matt  
Where else would it have been  
Also........i am very welcome, thanks

 **shoro** **  
** I have a thousand headaches.

 **allora** **  
** Don't worry, we won't look through your things.  
Well, I won't.

 **mott** **  
** I only won't if allura tells me not to

 **lonce** **  
** mood as hell

 **allora** **  
** I told him not to.

 **mott** **  
** You're safe, shiro............for now

 **shoro** **  
** You’re just lucky I won’t be home until this evening.

 **mott** **  
** You just threatened me and idk whether i should feel flattered or scared

 

2:13 PM

 **shoro** **  
** Keith should be getting out of his second class right about now.  
Do we have our distraction ready?

 **allora** **  
** Yes!

 **lonce** **  
** hows this gonna go again  
i kinda zoned out when u were explaining it

 **shoro**  
Allura is just going to join Keith at a seminar for sophomores and juniors and all she has to do is make sure Keith is occupied until 5 rolls around.

 **allora** **  
** And then he’ll get a spontaneous text from Shiro telling him to come and pick up a jacket he left at Shiro’s flat.  
The jacket that Pidge just so happened to acquire a few days ago and discreetly slip into Shiro’s bag.

 **lonce** **  
** how do u discreetly smuggle a leathery biker jacket  
it mustve been stretching like crazy

 **shoro** **  
** Well, we managed to do it and that's what matters.

 **lonce** **  
** i gotta admit  
this is really making me feel bad

 **honk** **  
** Me too! :(

 **podge** **  
** me too  
we all kind of just......swerved him  
but at least we can use the fact that he never explicitly told us his birthday to our advantage

 **shoro** **  
** He feels like it calls too much attention to himself.  
He'd rather just try to spend the day with someone who he feels comfortable around.

 **lonce** **  
** that makes sense haha

 **podge** **  
** k wtf  
you either say lmao or you keysmash what the hell was that “haha” bullshit

 **lonce** **  
** a guy cant broaden his fucking horizons around here anymore

 **allora** **  
** :)

 **lonce** **  
** so shiro whens UR birthday

 **shoro** **  
** Well, honestly, it's nothing big.

 **mott** **  
** Shiro is six years old

 **shoro** **  
** I am within an inch of harming you mentally.

 **podge** **  
** okay...we’re gonna come back to this subject later

 

* * *

**Allura Altea > Keith Kogane**

 

2:27 PM

 **Allura** **  
** I hear you're headed to the seminar at 3 today?

 **Keith** **  
** Yeah, I am  
Why?

 **Allura** **  
** I wanted to come join you!  
I hadn't really planned on leaving my dorm today, but I supposed the seminar would be plenty helpful for me :)

 **Keith** **  
** Okay  
Yeah  
I wasn't really going to go honestly but I’ll make the trip to go with you

 **Allura** **  
** Really?

 **Keith** **  
** Yeah just meet me at the front doors of the atrium

 **Allura** **  
** Wonderful!  
Would you care to go eat afterwards? I’m absolutely starving.

 **Keith** **  
** Yes  
That'd be cool

 **Allura** **  
** Say no more.

 

* * *

**allora > Disgustening.**

 

2:59 PM

 **allora** **  
** We are a go! Subject is successfully distracted.

 **lonce** **  
** in that case im booking it to shiros apt  
matt u wanna help a bro out

 **mott** **  
** Pardon me

 **lonce** **  
** give a nondriver bro a quick ride to shiros apt

 **mott** **  
** Sorry but i don't drive fake friends

 **lonce** **  
** are u fuckingfjdk  
ok UR VOLVO IS COOL THERE I SAID IT  
NOW CAN I GET A RIDE

 **mott** **  
** ........Yes  
I’ll just pick you up with allura later  
I’m assuming hunk will come along as well

 **honk** **  
** No, actually I’m already at Shiro’s

 **mott** **  
** Uhhh no you're not because i’m at shiro’s

 **shoro** **  
** Okay can everyone who is in my apartment say I.

 **mott** **  
** I

 **honk** **  
** I

 **podge** **  
** i

 **mott** **  
** Wait what the fuck  
Pidge where are you

 **podge** **  
** on top of the fridge where else

 **mott** **  
** What the FUCKJCJCJCC  
OKAY THEY REALLY ARE ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE  
BUT THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY I HAVEN'T SEEN HUNK

 **podge** **  
** he got here when you were still in the bathroom belting out celine dion

 **honk**  
I’ve been in his guestroom working on my essay with Pidge before we had to start setting everything up!  
Shiro you have some really nice work desks

 **shoro** **  
** Thank you.

 **mott** **  
** Do you mean the pidge that's literally on the fucking fridge

 **podge** **  
** google docs  
look it up  
do you even internet bro?

 **honk** **  
** Pidge no

 **mott** **  
** Good fucking god no

 **shoro** **  
** I have a thousand and one headaches.

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Allura Altea**

 

4:05 PM

 **Lance** **  
** hows the coffee date going

 **aloola** **  
** It's going well.  
Being alone with Keith is not as awkward as I imagined it would be. Even though he's mostly kept to himself he makes good conversation.  
And he's quite funny.

 **Lance** **  
** yeah he is  
he doing ok?

 **aloola** **  
** Hm  
He seems fine at the moment.  
Why are you asking me and not him?

 **Lance** **  
** bc it would sabotage the plans goddammit  
hes quick to pick up on shit ok he would suspect i was hiding something in 2 seconds flat

 **aloola** **  
** Of course, of course.

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

4:48 PM

 **Shiro**  
Hey, you left your jacket at my place. Wanna come pick it up?

 **Keith** **  
** I’ll get it tomorrow

 **Shiro** **  
** Well  
It’s getting pretty cold out, you know. I think you should pick it up as soon as you can.

 **Keith** **  
** I have other jackets

 **Shiro**  
Yeah, but this one’s your favorite.  
The one that matches your vans!

 **Keith** **  
** It can wait  
Besides I’m busy rn  
Like everyone apparently is today

 **Shiro**  
Keith, I seriously suggest you come get your jacket.

 **Keith** **  
** I said I’ll get it tomorrow.

 **Shiro**  
Where are you?

 **Keith**  
I just left the cafe  
What does that matter?

 **Shiro**  
The one we go to for breakfast?

 **Keith**  
Yes

 **Shiro**  
I’m picking you up.

 **Keith**  
What??  
What’s the deal with the fucking jacket???

 **Shiro**  
I’ll be there in ten minutes.

 **Keith**  
Whatever

 

* * *

**allora > Disgustening.**

 

5:11 PM

 **allora**  
Update: Lance and I are being driven to Shiro’s flat by Matt and Shiro should be picking Keith up right about now.

 **honk**  
Okay, everything is set up!  
Woo! I’m excited

 **mott**  
hey guys i am a fucking turd  
everyone block me

 **podge**  
not even gonna question it

 **honk**  
Lance leave Matt’s phone alone

 **lonce**  
fine  
matt says he loves u  
which, while understandable, is disrespectful to say in front of me, ur husband

 **honk**  
There’s enough of me to go around!

 **lonce**  
NO!!!!!!

 **podge**  
okay can you idiots + allura hurry up i’m getting restless

 **lonce**  
dude shiro drives like a grandpa we dont have to worry about getting there too late

 **honk**  
Bdksdjfjkdglk

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Keith Kogane**

 

5:12 PM

 **Hunk**  
Hey how’s everything?

 

5:18 PM

 **Keith**  
Just fine

 **Hunk**  
You sure?

 **Keith**  
Yup

 **Hunk**  
Dude I know a lie when I see one

 **Keith**  
I told Shiro I didn’t want to go to his place and he comes and picks me up anyway  
I just don’t want to be around him right now

 **Hunk**  
Ohh, I see  
What’d he do?

 **Keith**  
Nothing I guess  
I shouldn’t even really be mad

 **Hunk**  
Your feelings are valid!!!!!!!  
But don’t worry I think things may take a turn for the better

 **Keith** **  
** If you say so

 

* * *

**shoro > Disgustening. **

 

5:25 PM

 **shoro**  
We are walking up the stairs everyone get into position NOW

 **podge**  
FU C K

 **lonce**  
ITS TIME

 **shoro**  
EVERYONE SHUT UP QUICKLY

 **honk**  
OH MY GO

 **mott**  
Shiro fucking killed him

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

8:28 PM

 **Keith**  
I'm sorry

 **Shiro**  
What? What for?

 **Keith**  
I was really rude to you when we hung out this morning and, all day really

 **Shiro**  
Keith...  
You thought I forgot your birthday. I would be a little angry, too. 

 **Keith**  
To be fair your birthday doesn't exist three years at a time

 **Shiro**  
:^) Anyways,

 **Keith**  
I really am sorry  
You didn't deserve it

 **Shiro**  
Again, not your fault.  
I'm just glad you're happy.

 **Keith**  
Yeah yeah don't get all mushy

 **Shiro**  
Love you, too, Keith. 

 

* * *

**Keith > SPOOPY HOES**

 

8:36 PM

 **Keith**  
Thank you guys  
For everything you did

 **Pidge**  
anything for my best bud

 **Allura**  
You deserved it! ^.^

 **Matt**  
Yeah it was seriously no trouble

 **Keith**  
Thanks  
Hunk, the cake was great

 **Hunk**  
FANTASTIC  
I was really hoping you’d like it!!

 **Matt**  
Your cake made me see angels

 **Hunk**  
Aw shucks :$

 **Matt**  
Golly gee whiz ;)

 **Hunk**  
Holy moly :*

 **Matt**  
JEEZ LOUISE  <3

 **Pidge**  
this literally burns my eyes to read

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

8:40 PM

 **Lance**  
my heart is soaring pls make it stop

 **Hunk**  
Aww

 **Lance**  
didnt u see the tears in his eyes when we shouted “surprise”  
i wanted to fucking perish at that very moment

 **Hunk**  
Yeah I’m pretty sure everyone's heart kinda shattered

 **Lance**  
ok its official  
i officially have a Real thing for him  
like legit  
for real

 **Hunk**  
Oh wow  
If I’m being honest I didn't think you'd develop feelings for him

 **Lance**  
what why not

 **Hunk**  
Well if you don’t act on your feelings for your crush they usually dissipate in a while  
Like with Matt

 **Lance**  
ok...u may have a point  
but anyways id never ask matt out  
hes ur territory ;)

 **Hunk**  
Uh haha what’s that supposed to mean

 **Lance**  
thats supposed to mean that u guys have the hots for each other and the only way u deal with it is by jokingly flirting with each other

 **Hunk**  
That’s not even  
Okay you sound a little bonkers dude

 **Lance**  
hmmmmmmmmmmmm......sure i do  
MY MY HOW THE TURN TABLES

 **Hunk**  
I’m starting to understand how Shiro gets headaches so easily

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may be a lance stan but FUCK do i love keith!!!


	9. halloween type beat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my fic got recommended on tumblr with over 100 notes and i screamed so loud i actually physically died??
> 
> thank you for all the sweet comments!! i feel like the comments for the last chapter were particularly Pure and man....my heart flows with joy. 
> 
> enjoy <3

* * *

**Hunk > SPOOPY HOES**

 

OCT 27 AT 5:45 PM

 **Hunk** **  
** Hey guys

 **Pidge** **  
** you are so fucking valid

 **Lance** **  
** dont steal my line

 **Hunk**  
It's so good to be loved  
I wanted to ask; what are everyone's halloween costumes???  
Lance and I were thinking of going as the Spy vs. Spy dudes

 **Lance**  
im the white spy

 **Allura**  
I’m going to be Princess Zelda :D

 **Lance**  
yo,u are so fucki ng Valid

 **Allura**  
Thank you, I try

 **Pidge**  
which version?

 **Allura**  
Breath of the Wild

 **Lance**  
FUCC

 **Pidge**  
duly noted  
matt wants him and i to go as fucking mario and luigi

 **Lance**  
thats literally genius

 **Matt**  
But we’re still looking for a peach

 **Pidge**  
i never said i was going through with this

 **Matt**  
You still will

 **Pidge**  
i legitimately will Not

 **Lance**  
lmao prof zarkon would be bowser

 **Hunk**  
Lotor as Bowser Junior

 **Pidge**  
okay now i’m warming up to this idea

 **Lance**  
HAGGAR AS PEACH

 **Pidge**  
and now i quite literally want to die

 **Matt**  
No no he’s on to something

 

* * *

**hunky > science sluts**

 

OCT 28 AT 12:59 PM

 **hunky**  
GOOD AFTERNOON, MATT

 **doormatt**  
GOOD AFTERNOON TO YOU AS WELL, HUNK

 **hunky**  
HOW’S THE DAY TREATING YOU, MY FRIEND?

 **doormatt**  
MY ENDEAVORS HAVE GONE QUITE WELL

 **hunky**  
I’M GLAD TO HEAR OF YOUR EASE

 **pidger**  
i’m gonna stop this before it gets weird

 **doormatt**  
You haven't let us finish for like a week  
This is just unfair

 **hunky**  
Not cool, Pidge

 **pidger**  
you and matt? not cool? oh yes of course i already know that

 **hunky**  
Hey I am SUPER cool  
Lance says so!

 **pidger**  
lance mixes lucky charms and reeses puffs in one fucking bowl hunk

 **doormatt**  
Wh?????

 **hunky**  
Okay, solid point, but I’m still cool

 **doormatt**  
I truly believe hunk is the smartest person to have ever been born

 **hunky**  
Dude.......don't make me tear up

 **doormatt**  
B.....Bro.....

 **pidger**  
you two can eat a tide pod bye

 **hunky**  
NO  
HOW COULD YOU WISH THAT UPON US  
Matt maybe we should stop the afternoon banter

 **doormatt**  
No...i can't let her win

 **pidger**  
i won the moment i was born

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Lance McClain**

 

1:22 PM

 **pidgeypie**  
hey are you free rn

 **Fucking Loser**  
yeah y

 **pidgeypie**  
call me

 _Fucking Loser called pidgeypie._ _  
_ _6 mins 12 secs_

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** never talk to me again ever in ur life

 **pidgeypie**  
all i did was emotionally expose you

 **Fucking Loser**  
EXACTLY

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

OCT 29 AT 2:30 PM

 **Lance**  
hey hoe

 **mulletface**  
?? Wtf

 **Lance**  
u never said what u were going to be for halloween

 **mulletface**  
Well Shiro gave me an idea the other day  
And it’s really cheap so

 **Lance**  
ooo what is it

 **mulletface**  
I’m gonna be Wade Walker from Cry-Baby

 **Lance**  
get the FUCK OUT OF TOWN  
I LOVE THAT MOVIE

 **mulletface**  
Is that so  
Never noticed

 **Lance**  
what??   
theres no way u didnt know i obsess over old johnny depp movies

 **mulletface**  
Nope  
I had no idea

 **Lance**  
well its an awesome costume  
if u could even call it that  
i mean all u have to do is slick ur hair back and wear a black leather jacket, which is what u do everyday anyway

 **mulletface**  
I don’t use hair gel everyday

 **Lance**  
the grease in ur hair slicks it for u  
i mean seriously what shampoo do u use  
is it axe

 **mulletface**  
No?? Fuckface

 **Lance**  
stupidface

 **mulletface**  
It’s old spice

 **Lance**  
wHat

 **mulletface**  
It’s old fucking spice

 **Lance**  
im sorry im just picturing u in place of literally every guy in the old spice commercials

 **mulletface**  
Okay this conversation is over

 

* * *

**Pidge > SPOOPY HOES**

 

OCT 31 AT 12:01 AM

 **Pidge**  
_[video sent]_  
HAPPY HALLOWEEN

 **Lance**  
cant wait to shove a pumpkin up my ass

 **Hunk**  
It’s time to BONE some skeletons

 **Lance**  
B O N E !

 **Matt**  
B O N E ? ! ? !

 **Hunk**  
B O N E ! ! !

 **Lance**  
ok im tired goodnight

 **Pidge**  
weak

 

9:20 AM

 **Shiro**  
Happy Halloween, guys.  
...Those are interesting phrases?

 **Hunk**  
BDFHJSFJSK

 **Matt**  
Get into the halloween spirit shiro!

 **Pidge**  
question: who here likes candy corn

 **Matt**  
Literally no one

 **Keith**  
I do

 **Pidge**  
whatthefuckdksjd  
the Betrayal

 **Keith**  
What? They’re good

 **Shiro**  
They’re like...really sweet kinetic sand.

 **Allura**  
You’ve eaten kinetic sand

 **Shiro**  
I never said that.

 **Allura**  
It was implied

 **Pidge**  
oh my god shiro ate kinetic sand

 **Hunk**  
I 96% believe Shiro ate kinetic sand

 **Keith**  
Would not be surprised if Shiro ate kinetic sand

 **Shiro**  
I DID NOT EAT KINETIC SAND.

 **Lance**  
what in the living fuck are u guys talking about

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Shay Balmera**

 

9:53 AM

 **Hunk**  
Hey Shay  
Are you coming out with us tonight?

 **Shay**  
hi hunk!!! yes, i am.   
i didn’t really have the resources for a costume but i hope you’ll enjoy my company

 **Hunk**  
Um how could I NOT??  
Besides, I haven’t seen you and Allura in action as girlfriends  
I bet you guys are all cute and blushy and dopey

 **Shay**  
my goodness  
we are not!!   
well, i mean, perhaps we are, but she’s so very pretty! can you blame me?

 **Hunk**  
No, you’re right, she’s ethereal  
But so are you!   
Aw man, I’m so excited for tonight

 **Shay**  
it’ll be the first time we’ve all been together since her senior year!

 **Hunk**  
I always sensed some chemistry between you two  
I’m never wrong about these things

 **Shay**  
hunk please you’re making me bashful.

 **Hunk**  
Look, all I’m saying is don’t hold out on the affection because I’m 100% there for it

 **Shay**  
okay okay!!  
i’ll make a note of it :>

 

* * *

**Allura Altea > Hunk Garrett**

 

10:10 AM

 **Allurabura**  
Stop! Badgering! My! Girlfriend!

 **Hunk**  
Sorry, I can’t hear you  
The connection’s terrible :/

 **Allurabura**  
Stop!!!!!!  
Actually, I’ll counter this attack  
So.....Matt, huh?

 **Hunk**  
Okay bye

 **Allurabura**  
Omg

 

* * *

**Matt > SPOOPY HOES**

 

5:42 PM

 **Matt**  
Status: currently holding two spies, a princess, and my accomplice Mario in my car  
Waiting for Danny Zuko and his dad to pop out so we can drive to the city at long last

 **Lance**  
ok first of all its wade walker u fucking DIP

 **Matt**  
Same difference

 **Lance**  
NO!! BIG DIFFERENCE, ACTUALLY!!!!

 **Keith**  
We’re on our way down  
I’m gonna ride with Shiro and then we’ll pick up Shay

 **Allura**  
Okay then I’ll join you two in Shiro’s car

 **Hunk**  
NO ALLURA STAYS  
SHRIO DON’T LET HER IN YOUR CAR

 **Shiro**  
Okay?  
Why not?

 **Hunk**  
Because I need to be a front row witness to the Shayllura cuteness when it begins

 **Lance**  
shayllura....i dig it

 **Allura**  
OKAY  
FINE

 **Hunk  
** S W E E T

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

5:48 PM

 **Lance**  
bro WHATTTTTTTT  
HE LOOKS! FUCKIN! woah

 **Hunk**  
Yeah dude he’s a looker

 **Lance**  
dude......  
i think i have a kink for leather jackets  
he had the little curl of hair on his forehead!!!! bitch WHAT

 **Hunk**  
If you had a kink for leather jackets you’d die everytime you ever laid eyes on Keith

 **Lance**  
i mean lets be honest i lowkey do

 

* * *

**Pidge > SPOOPY HOES**

 

10:34 PM

 **Pidge** **  
** tell lance i said fuck you

 **Hunk** **  
** He said f*** you too

 **Matt** **  
** God you're pure

 **Shiro** **  
** Pidge, it's not his fault he passed out so early.  
Honestly, it's pretty late. I would've ended the night then, anyway.

 **Pidge** **  
** shiro it's late to you because you pay taxes  
as far as i’m concerned there are At Least six more hours left in the night

 **Keith** **  
** Pidge, please  
The baby needs his rest

 **Lance** **  
** shut ur fuckigmouth

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

10:38 PM

 **Lance** **  
** BEING THE WHITE SPY WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA  
NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL

 **Hunk** **  
** Hey, man  
How would you have known?

 **Lance** **  
** it's hard to track it now bc im on T but I SWEAR I THOUGHT IT WAS GONE  
A WHITE SUIT MAN  
do u think anyone noticed??

 **Hunk** **  
** No they just think you're being a sleepy baby  
Which you are, secondarily

 **Lance** **  
** shut up  
now i have to put this goddamn suit in the wash  
i’ll be back in the dorm in 5 mins

 **Hunk** **  
** You're using that suit again??

 **Lance** **  
** it was a fucking investment hunk im not just going to waste money

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Allura Altea**

 

10:45 PM

 **Hunk** **  
** Interaction between you and Shay was very cute, very swag, very adorable  
A++ 1000/10 would witness again

 **Allurabura** **  
** I want to eviscerate you.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tune in next time for the shiro bday reveal smh


	10. gasp! matt has emotions!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a lot of fun writing this one smh

* * *

**Shiro > SPOOPY HOES**

 

NOV 1 AT 9:27 AM

_Shiro named the group THANKFUL HOES._

**Matt**  
Oh my g...oodddd............

 **Hunk**  
Binch WHAT!!!!!!

 **Pidge**  
character development

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

NOV 8 AT 4:01 PM

 **mulletface**  
Hey...are you alright?

 **Lance**  
yes? why do u ask

 **mulletface**  
Idk you just seemed quiet today in the club

 

4:10 PM

 **Lance**  
im good

 **mulletface**  
You don’t sound good

 **Lance**  
ok  
im not totally good  
but u dont have to worry about it  
im like a rubber ball. know why

 **mulletface**  
Do I have to ask why

 **Lance**  
because i BOUNCE BACK

 **mulletface**  
Well...okay  
But if you wanna talk, I’m all ears

 **Lance**  
thanks but no need  
i dont associate with............scorpios

 **mulletface**  
Shut the hell up you fucking leo

 

* * *

**Hunk > THANKFUL HOES**

 

NOV 14 AT 2:20 PM

 **Hunk**  
Hey lads  
You guys wanna hang out after the club tomorrow

 **Matt**  
Yes!  
Well i’m not in the club but you know  
I love clubs  
Would love to be a part of one someday

 **Hunk**  
Just show up dude

 **Allura**  
Yes, your attendance would be wonderful Matt!  
Even though we are one month away from the end of the semester

 **Matt**  
ANYTHING FOR YOU ALLURA

 **Hunk**  
Hey!!!

 **Matt**  
Yeah yeah so i’ll come to the club tomorrow  
I’d love to see what you suspicious figures have my sibling doing every week

 **Pidge**  
drugs and alcohol

 **Lance**  
yes we get drunk on Respect LGBT of Color Juice

 **Hunk**  
Amen to that

 **Matt**  
Sounds good and gay i’m in

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Takashi Shirogane**

 

NOV 15 AT 4:12 PM

 **Matt**  
I think....i want hunk to physically crush me with his biceps

 **Shiro ate kinetic sand** **  
** Oh my GOD.

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Katelyn Holt**

 

7:02 PM

 **matrick star**  
Hey  
I need to talk to you abt something

 **Soil** **  
** ?? is something wrong  
my internal kill bill sirens just went off

 **matrick star** **  
** No it’s nothing bad  
I don’t think it is??  
Man i don’t know

 **Soil**  
okay matt please spit it out for the sake of my aged heart

 **matrick star** **  
** Ok so  
Today, i was just looking at hunk and, like  
I just wanted to  
Hug him  
Forever  
You ever felt like that?

 **Soil** **  
** you’re asking if i’ve ever wanted to touch a man in any way ever  
matt.............i’m a lesbian

 **matrick star**  
I thought you were american

 **Soil**  
yeah no but seriously i get that you’re attracted to him  
you’re attracted to every person with toned arms  
example: allura  
and remember your little crush on shiro last year

 **matrick star** **  
** Yeah and then i saw him reading newspapers during class breaks and i realized that he was literally fifty years older than me

 **Soil** **  
** thank god for that

 **matrick star**  
But the thing is it’s not just that  
I’m not JUST attracted to hunk

 **Soil**  
....what are you saying

 **matrick star**  
I think i like him?

 **Soil**  
oh  
okay

 **matrick star**  
I haven’t really liked anyone in a while

 **Soil**  
yep

 **matrick star**  
I get these weird butterflies when he says my name and when i see him smile it’s like i’m happy almost immediately  
And he’s so smart!!  
Idk  
Maybe it’s just that he’s such a great person that i feel honored to be his friend and i’m misunderstanding my own emotions?  
No i definitely like him

 **Soil**  
maybe

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Lance McClain**

 

7:35 PM

 **pidgeypie** **  
** hey are you up

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** haha very funny asshole

 **pidgeypie** **  
** look i need to talk to you

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** oh god ur scaring me

 **pidgeypie** **  
** does hunk have feelings for my brother?

 **Fucking Loser** **  
**.....uuuuuuuuhhh....

 **pidgeypie** **  
** i’m gonna need a concrete answer.

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** why do u want to know?

 **pidgeypie** **  
** i don’t have to tell you.

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** pidge whats going on  
i am legitimately scared

 **pidgeypie** **  
** okay nevermind

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** nO NONO COME ON  
PLS TELL ME  
im an amazing secret-keeper

 

8:10 PM

 **pidgeypie**  
fine

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** OHOHO?

 **pidgeypie** **  
** don’t make me change my mind

 **Fucking Loser**  
ok im sorry my lord

 **pidgeypie**  
listen you can’t tell anyone i told you this  
because i’m not sure who else he’s told  
but matt just confessed that he might have feelings for hunk

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** oh ymfnjkfsksdjsl

 **pidgeypie**  
so i want to know whether hunk reciprocates or not.

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** IM SO GLAD U CAME TO ME

 **pidgeypie** **  
** i don’t want him to know unless he reciprocates  
so can you Please Answer My Fucking Question

 **Fucking Loser**  
ohhhh man uh  
okokokok its just  
like i dont want to violate his trust bc he hasnt outwardly admitted it but i just KNOW bc ive known him for so long  
and i KNOW how he is when he likes someone  
so i do believe he has feelings for matt

 

8:40 PM

 **pidgeypie**  
okay.

 **Fucking Loser**  
pidge......are u good

 **pidgeypie** **  
** why wouldn’t i be

 **Fucking Loser**  
bc ur vibe right now screams I’m Going To Annihilate Everything In My Line Of Sight

 **pidgeypie** **  
** i just  
don’t want to see matt get hurt  
and i know hunk isn’t that kind of person  
but a part of me is just scared that matt will get hurt in some way  
his last relationship didn’t end well  
so i guess knowing if hunk liked him back gave me some kind of security...because then i know how to assess the situation

 **Fucking Loser**  
omg ur opening up to me

 **pidgeypie** **  
** bye

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** COME ON

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Takashi Shirogane**

 

8:30 PM

 **Matt**  
I think pidge is mad at me

 **Shiro ate kinetic sand**  
What makes you say that?

 **Matt** **  
** I told them that i may have a eeniemeenietinyminiscule crush on hunk  
Or maybe a big one  
And they were really.....distantly responsive

 **Shiro ate kinetic sand** **  
** Oh wow. **  
** I had no idea you were capable of human emotion.

 **Matt**  
Did you just make a JOKE

 **Shiro ate kinetic sand**  
Yes!! I can joke!!!

 **Matt**  
The same way i can feel emotions you buttface

 **Shiro ate kinetic sand**  
Okay I see your point.  
Hm  
Well, you are their brother.  
I would assume they need to adjust to you liking someone they’re friends with.

 **Matt**  
Makes sense  
Thank you, father shiro

 **Shiro ate kinetic sand** **  
** Please stop.

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Katelyn Holt**

 

9:46 PM

 **matrick star**  
Hey i’m outside your dorm building come down

 **Soil**  
what the fuck  
what the hell are you doing out there

 **matrick star**  
Just come down here so i can tell you i love you in person

 **Soil**  
wh???? NO

 **matrick star**  
I’m gonna give you a big fat warm hug

 **Soil**  
STOP!!!!

 **matrick star** **  
** Gonna ENGULF you in emotion

 **Soil**  
GUARD!!! GUARD!!!!

 **matrick star**  
I LOVE MY SIBLING!!!!

 **Soil**  
matt SHUT UP

 **matrick star**  
Get the FUCK down here please it’s cold as balls and i didn’t bring my coat

 **Soil**  
FINE

 

* * *

**Lance > THANKFUL HOES**

 

NOV 17 AT 5:05 PM

 **Lance**  
_[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_ _  
_ _[gif sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_

 **Keith**  
Do you ever get tired of sending pictures wildly out of context

 **Lance**  
does that question even warrant an answer honestly  
FUCK! HOLD UP

 **Keith**  
What???

 **Lance**  
keith u sly FUCKER

 **Keith** **  
** I’m?? Confused??

 **Hunk** **  
** Yeah I’m not following either

 **Lance**  
do u guys remember the day we all met

 **Keith** **  
** Yeah you stubbed your toe walking out of the club and then ran around the corner so no one would see you cry

 **Pidge**  
IS THAT WHAT HE DID  
i just thought he had the Runs

 **Lance**  
NOT IN PERSON  
and fuck u both i didnt cry

 **Keith** **  
** Whatever makes you feel better babe

 **Lance** **  
** i was talking about the first groupchat EVER???  
we all had to give special facts about ourselves and guess who skipped out on himself  
Mullet Man Himself

 **Pidge**  
ooooooooooh

 **Keith** **  
** Okay, to be fair, Shiro also skipped out on himself

 **Lance** **  
** ALSO TRUE

 **Allura** **  
** Shiro. Rise.

 **Keith** **  
** Wtf

 **Shiro** **  
** Hello

 **Lance** **  
** SWEET  
ok i demand it now  
both of u have to give us ur special facts

 **Shiro** **  
** Keith said my special fact for me!

 **Pidge**  
actually,  
he told us you accidentally bleached your hair, which turned out to be a false claim when you uncovered the truth on september 25th at 7:46 p.m., revealing that you had in fact been developing gray hairs and purposely bleached it as a last resort  
so we have no choice but to rule that special fact as an Invalid Entry

 **Matt** **  
** Shiro WHATSKSJFJKFD

 **Shiro** **  
** K bye.

 **Allura**  
OMGGG

 **Lance**  
NO SOMEBODY STOP HIM  
but in the meantime keith tell us ur fact

 **Keith** **  
** I like knives

 **Lance**  
again, common knowledge  
work with me here

 **Keith**  
Okay fine  
I Hate Lance  
Thanks for coming to my ted talk

 **Lance**  
ASSHOLE

 **Allura**  
Keith!!!! LET’S GO WE’RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER

 **Keith**  
OKAY ALRIGHT  
I LIKE HIPPOS  
THEY’RE MY FAVORITE ANIMAL

 **Lance**  
imsdjkshsdfhdfd

 **Allura**  
THAT IS PRECIOUS!

 **Keith**  
NO  
THEY’RE HARDCORE ANIMALS

 **Lance**  
THEY’RE BIG FAT N CUDDLY

 **Keith**  
Okay cannot argue with the cuddly part  
I would cuddle a hippo

 **Pidge**  
please don’t cuddle a hippo

 **Keith**  
You literally can’t stop me  
AND LIKE I SAID THEY’RE METAL AS FUCK

 **Lance**  
u know, keith  
a guy with stupid hair once spoke some wise words to me  
“dont give in to toxic masculinity” he said

 **Keith**  
I’m going to kill you.

 **Lance**  
what im TRYING to say  
is to embrace the cute side as well as the hardcore side  
hippos r great m8

 **Hunk**  
Wow dude  
I feel kinda proud of you

 **Keith**  
...Okay, you MAY be right this one (1) time  
Dirty move, using my own words against me

 **Lance**  
what can i say  
im just an enlightened, amazing, handsome genius

 **Hunk**  
Now THERE’S a FACT!

 **Allura**  
I have successfully wrangled Shiro

 **Lance**  
OWO WHAT’S THIS?  
YARF!

 **Pidge**  
literally Why do you have to ruin moments like this

 **Keith**  
I’m leaving. Block me.

 **Shiro**  
My birthday is February 29th.

 **Keith**  
I’M BACK. UNBLOCK ME.

 **Lance**  
is this a joke

 **Pidge**  
yeah Ha Ha now can you tell us the fact before lance’s bedtime

 **Lance**  
im revoking our friendship card

 **Matt**  
He’s not joking

 **Lance**  
.......what  
im confused

 **Pidge**  
wait  
he’s NOT JOKING

 **Lance**  
so he was born on a day that doesnt exist  
WAIT  
A LEAP YEAR

 **Pidge**  
A LEAP YEAR

 **Allura**  
Oh my lord  
A leap year

 **Lance**  
shiro DOESNT FUCKING EXIST FOLKS!

 **Pidge**  
IM SCRSMAmSJJSD

 **Hunk**  
NO WAY

 **Matt**  
No he does exist he’s just 6 and a half yrs old lmfao

 **Lance**  
im pissin g my fcucking pants

 **Pidge**  
SHIRO HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU LET ME THINK I WAS THE YOUNGEST CLUB MEMBER HERE

 **Keith**  
This is the best day of my life

 **Shiro**  
:^)

 **Hunk**  
SHIRORDJDSJKSSD

 **Shiro**  
I am actually dying inside.

 **Pidge**  
sTOpt TALKING

 **Lance**  
i havent laughed this hard since hunk told me he thought he was straight

 **Matt**  
LMAOOOOO

 **Allura**  
Big Mood

 **Keith**  
I want to personally thank each of you for being yourselves

 **Pidge**  
bitch don’t make me tear up!

 **Hunk**  
YOU’RE WELCOME

 **Keith**  
Except Lance

 **Lance**  
this is biphobia

 

10:55 PM

 **Lance**  
wait did u just call me babe

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: wrote the second half of the chapter blasting Born This Way on a loop at max volume


	11. thanksgiving type beat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: transphobia/dysphoria is discussed
> 
> also; when someone is removed from a group they're not shown who it was that kicked them out. from their perspective they'd see “you have been removed”
> 
> bear with me

* * *

**Pidge > THANKFUL HOES**

 

NOV 17 AT 11:00 PM

_Pidge named the group KEITH CALLED LANCE BABE._

_Keith named the group Trader Joes._

**Hunk**  
I’m gonna screamsdjfhsdf

_Lance named the group Bitch Don’t Dodge The Question._

_Keith named the group Hm? What? What did you say? Hum? Pardon?._

_Allura named the group Keith Has A Meltdown: Series 1._

_Lance named the group I WANT ANSWERS._

_Keith Kogane has left the group._

**Pidge** **  
** OH MY GDO

 **Lance**  
im gonna fucking HOLLER

_Lance McClain added Keith Kogane._

**Keith**  
I’m sorry, what? What are we talking about?

 **Lance**  
_[image sent]_

 **Matt**  
You pulled out that receipt so quick jesus

 **Keith**  
That is a fake screenshot. Bye.

 **Lance**  
i demand the truth

 **Keith**  
It was a typo

 **Lance**  
ok so what were u originally going to say

 **Keith**  
I was  
Gonna say  
I was gonna say gabe

 **Lance**  
gabe  
as in the nickname for gabriel

 **Keith**  
Yes  
Why is everyone so silent all of a sudden

 **Pidge**  
don’t mind us. continue.

 **Hunk**  
Please, go on

 **Lance**  
nope thats all i need

 **Keith**  
...Seriously?

 **Pidge**  
wtf seriously

 **Lance**  
yeah thats it

_Pidge removed Lance McClain._

_Pidge removed Hunk Garrett._

**Allura**  
Wait why’d you remove Hunk

 **Pidge**  
he’s lance’s best friend. a liability.

 **Allura**  
I understand  
Proceed

 **Pidge**  
okay spill the fucking beans keith

 **Keith**  
???? THERE’S NO BEANS TO SPILL

 **Matt**  
I’m just gonna say what everyone’s thinking  
Tell us you like him

 **Keith**  
Wtf??  
All this just because I accidentally called him babe??

 **Pidge**  
everyone knows you like him we just want you to use this public slip as an opportunity to come clean

 **Keith**  
I DON’T LIKE HIM

 **Allura**  
SUREEEEEE

 **Keith**  
I DON’T!  
Of course Shiro chooses now to disappear

 **Allura**  
It’s his talent lol  
Liking Lance isn’t a bad thing! We support you Keith :)

 **Keith**  
That’d be nice if I liked him  
Which I don’t  
What the fuck is this, middle school

 **Pidge**  
okay okay we’re done  
everyone follow my lead

 **Keith**  
What

 **Allura**  
Okay

_Pidge named the group THANKFUL HOES._

_Pidge added Lance McClain._

_Pidge added Hunk Garrett._

**Lance**  
wtf Was THAT  
WHY WAS I REMOVED

 **Pidge**  
yeah what the FUCK  
who removed me!!

 **Allura**  
I’m confused as to why I was also removed :/

 **Hunk**  
My feelings are hurt

 **Matt**  
It’s ok we were all removed

 **Keith**  
...Yep

 **Lance**  
who kicked us out

 **Shiro**  
I just wanted to cleanse the group.  
I apologize for removing all of you temporarily.

 **Keith**  
Where the FUCK did you even come from

 **Lance**  
shiros officially cancelled

 **Shiro**  
Guess I shouldn’t leave my room for the next ten years.

 

* * *

**Lance > THANKFUL HOES**

 

NOV 22 AT 9:48 AM

 **Lance**  
my momwoke me up early as SHIT how yall doin

 **Hunk**  
Howdy...........pardner

 **Lance**  
ok bye

 **Keith**  
Is it even morally possible for you to be up this early  
Because whenever you are, bad things seem to happen

 **Lance**  
oh ya  
like WHAT

 **Pidge**  
well there's the time you got your arm stuck in that vending machine at 8 a.m. because you didn't see your bag of chips fall

 **Lance**  
I HAD EYE BOOGIES AND I COULDNT SEE SO THATS NOT VALID

 **Keith**  
Boogies

 **Pidge**  
lance are you 4 years old  
you scared of the BOOGIEMAN?

 **Lance**  
no thats ridiculous  
im scared of ghosts

 **Keith**  
Good god

 **Lance**  
for FUCKS SAKE keith WHAT

 **Keith**  
You know what? Nothing  
Loser

 **Lance**  
when we get back to uni im legitimately gonna fight u

 **Keith**  
That a threat or a promise

 **Pidge**  
okAy SO! ANYWHO!

 **Matt**  
ANYweenie...  
Lance what'd your mom wake you up for

 **Lance**  
last minute thanksgiving shopping  
we need more pernil and liquor and my brothers are preparing the rest of the food for tomorrow while we're out

 **Pidge**  
does your mom let you drink with them

 **Lance**  
yeah totally

 **Pidge**  
you're the worst liar i’ve ever met

 **Lance**  
whaTever

 **Pidge**  
my dad says he's letting matt drink with them just because he's a year away from being legal  
which, quite frankly, is BULLSHIT

 **Matt**  
When i turn 21 next yr it's over for EVERYONE  
I WILL BE.........GETTING TURNT

 **Keith**  
White people

 **Lance**  
ADGJHXJDJHFLDJFJF

 **Matt**  
Can't argue with that

 **Lance**  
hunk is already eating breakfast in my kitchen........the fucking monster  
AND MY MOM SERVED IT TO HIM ON THE GOOD PLATE??? THE FUCKING MONSTER

 **Keith**  
There's a good plate?

 **Lance**  
yeah these plates have been thru so much........only one emerged unscathed

 **Hunk**  
She said she's letting me eat from it as many times as I want  
I’ve missed her so much

 **Lance**  
it be ur own family

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

8:56 PM

 **Lance**  
hey u know how u said u were all ears for that problem i had 43627 years ago

 **mulletface**  
Uhh yes

 **Lance**  
are u still all ears

 **mulletface**  
Yes  
I’m listening

 **Lance**  
ok GOOD BC IM LOWKEY A WRECK RN

 **mulletface**  
What's bothering you?

 **Lance**  
ok im just gonna say it

 **mulletface**  
Okay

 **Lance**  
im trans, its common knowledge  
and my immediate family is super supportive!! my Extended Family, however............

 **mulletface**  
Oh...I see

 **Lance**  
my extended family also thinks that im confused about my sexuality, as well as my older sister bc shes gay  
but theyre more.....upfront with their transphobia  
and nights like tomorrow when its a huge family party makes me so happy but also unbelievably Dreadful  
they deadname me like CRAZY and they criticize my clothes etc etc its just a mess  
and it sucks bc im really close to some of them in particular but theyre so IGNORANT

 **mulletface**  
I can't imagine how you must feel

 **Lance**  
i know....im sorry  
i must sound spoiled as hell

 **mulletface**  
You don't  
I’m just not really good at this stuff??? I don't know the right thing to say exactly  
But I support you

 **Lance**  
ur doing great kid

 **mulletface**  
So this is why you've been a little off all month?

 **Lance**  
yes and no  
yes, bc its a big factor  
no, bc the problem was more about my dysphoria than it was about my family

 **mulletface**  
Oh  
Pidge talked to me about this before  
Did something trigger it?

 **Lance**  
on halloween i guess i was  
reminded  
of my body and stuff  
not a great feeling

 **mulletface**  
Sorry  
It's alright if you don't want to talk about it

 **Lance**  
it's ok binch!!!!!  
seriously it's ok i swear  
talking about it eases the feeling a little  
i talked about it with hunk when we got on the bus a few days ago  
and hunk, of course, just made me remember the amazing and flawless human being that i am

 **mulletface**  
Yeah sure  
I think you'll do fine tomorrow  
Family can be toxic, it's okay to withdraw when they don't treat you with the respect you deserve  
Just stick to the people that accept you

 **Lance**  
wow....thank u for preaching mr. kogane

 **mulletface**  
I mean it  
Don't let them get to you  
You're a guy no matter what  
Albeit an annoying, obnoxious guy

 **Lance**  
im ignoring that last part bc i obviously possess no imperfections  
thanks for bearing with me and also for the supportive words

 **mulletface**  
I know this must've been pretty serious for you  
Considering you're up past 9

 **Lance**  
when will u guys let this shit go  
im being BULLIED FOR HAVING NORMAL SLEEPING HABITS

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Lance McClain**

 

11:54 PM

 **pidgeypie**  
! wake up !  
! hoe ! wake up !

 

11:58 PM

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** whatdhd

 **pidgeypie**  
i’ll be honest i didn't expect you to respond

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** my phne is on Sound bc i forgot to mute my convos  
u woke my ass tf up  
wat is it

 **pidgeypie**  
keith told me that you weren't feeling okay  
he didn't say why but i already had a hunch  
and i wanted to address it before, but i just didn't really know how to i guess

 **Fucking Loser**  
???@? U DIDNTN KNOW HOW 2 DO SOMETHING  
THEWORLD IS ENDING

 **pidgeypie**  
god you type like you're drunk  
but i know how bad dysphoria can feel, especially in an uncomfortable environment

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** omg  
OMG PIDGE  
ALL THRU OUT THIS MONTH

 **pidgeypie** **  
** do not say it

 **Fucking Loser**  
thats why u put so much emphasis on my pronouns everytime we went out  
AND THATS WHY U WENT SHOPPING WITH ME

 **pidgeypie**  
okay that was part of the reason and also because all of your sneakers are worn and dirty

 **Fucking Loser**  
its PART OF THE AESTHETIC  
BUT WOW  
WE WERE BONDING THIS WHOLE TIME AND I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE

 **pidgeypie**  
believe it or not  
i care about you  
and even though i’m mostly secure about my body now i am also here to aid you

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** ohmy godddhdh  
the reason i didnt come to u was bc i thought i would seem.......weak about it, compared to u  
ur always so confident in ur gender

 **pidgeypie**  
you don't have to feel that way anymore  
you're weak, but for reasons unrelated

 **Fucking Loser** **  
** and here i thougt we were having a bonding moment

 **pidgeypie**  
now you know how keith feels

 **Fucking Loser**  
LOOK I SERIOUSLY DONT REMEMBER HOLDING HIS HAND THAT ONE TIME

 

* * *

**Matt > THANKFUL HOES**

 

NOV 23 AT 8:48 PM

 **Matt**  
Well FUCK Gotdamn  
FUCKKKKK

 **Pidge**  
relax kid

 **Shiro**  
Please tell me none of you are drunk.

 **Matt**  
CANT SAY!! NOP

 **Lance**  
oh yes i am also heavily intoxicated  
Bing Bong  
woah. what a typo

 **Pidge**  
you’re horrible

 **Hunk**  
My moms and Lance’s parents are literally screaming out on the patio

 **Keith**  
You have two moms?  
Why are they screaming

 **Hunk**  
Yes I was blessed

 **Lance**  
his moms are real life angels so jot that down

 **Hunk**  
They’re playing some drinking game  
We’re gonna cut the turkey soon  
Which I perfected, might I add

 **Lance**  
its not thanksgiving without ur bomb ass turkey bro

 **Matt**  
I WSIH I COUD TASTE THAT TURKEY  
YOUR FOOD!! FuCK

 **Hunk**  
Okay come down to Florida and get a piece then

 **Matt**  
Already in my fuckign car  
I’m Not a coward

 **Pidge**  
UM? SIR

 **Hunk**  
GO BACK HOME

 **Pidge**  
nevermind  
he’s not in his car he just sat on the toilet seat and passed out  
_[image sent]_

 **Shiro**  
Jesus  
How do your parents feel about this?

 **Pidge**  
my dad’s prohibiting him from drinking at family functions from here onwards  
but i’m pretty sure my mom is lowkey proud of him

 **Lance**  
colleen gets TURNT

 **Pidge**  
keep my mom’s name out of your dirty mouth

 **Lance**  
thats not fair  
u called my mom by her name last week when i was on the phone with her

 **Pidge**  
because unlike you she’s actually a saint

 **Lance**  
ALSO UNFAIR

 **Allura**  
How about Shiro and Keith  
What are you boys up to?

 **Shiro**  
Keith wants to cut the turkey.

 **Keith**  
Dad won’t fucking let me

 **Hunk**  
Are you talking about Shiro or your actual dad

 **Keith**  
BOTH

 **Shiro**  
Anyway,  
Keith is adorable in his dinner suit.

 **Keith**  
It’s NOT A SUIT

 **Pidge**  
pics or it didn’t happen

 **Lance**  
i second that

 **Keith**  
Stay out of this thot boy

 **Lance**  
whsdsdhsffkj

 **Keith**  
Oh for FUCK’S SAKE SHIRO

 **Shiro**  
_[image sent]_ _  
_ Look at this dashing young man!

 **Lance**  
BYE  
KEITH WHAT IS UR HAIR IM SCREAMING

 **Pidge**  
_[image sent]_

 **Keith**  
DON’T ZOOM IN ON MY FACE YOU DEMON

 **Hunk**  
His eyes are so dead omg

 **Allura**  
They look seething with rage to me

 **Keith**  
Allura is right, as usual  
I’m just glad Lance didn’t use another one of his fucking furry phrases

 **Lance**  
kweef.....dont huwt my feewings uwu ✧⁺⸜(●′▾‵●)⸝⁺✧

_Pidge has left the group._

**Lance**  
DISCRIMINATION

 **Keith**  
That was the worst thing I’ve ever had to read in my life

_Lance McClain added Katelyn Holt._

_Katelyn Holt set their own nickname to Pidge._

**Pidge**  
allura can you please alleviate the pain lance just gave me

 **Allura**  
Yes  
I’m sure you all need the same

 **Hunk**  
Yes please

 **Lance**  
fake friends everywhere

 **Allura**  
_[image sent]_  
Me and Coran!

 **Lance**  
LOVE THAT MAN

 **Allura**  
He says he loves you too “son”

 **Lance**  
FUCC!

 **Hunk**  
Tell him I said hi!  
You both look super sharp btw

 **Allura**  
Thank you!  
Coran says hello and he asked how everyone’s love life is going

 **Shiro**  
Decent.

 **Hunk**  
Amazing

 **Pidge**  
what love life

 **Keith**  
I don’t know what love is

 **Lance**  
i love myself

 **Allura**  
Alright...interesting

 **Lance**  
its bi culture allura

 **Matt**  
hell ya  
I’M AWAKE SLUTS

 **Pidge**  
so what’s everyone thankful for

 **Matt**  
It"s a cold and it’s a broken halleleujuah

 **Hunk**  
Well right now I’m thankful Matt is in your custody in his condition

 **Pidge**  
i’m nowhere near him

 **Hunk**  
Okay then I’m terrified

 **Keith**  
Wait are these serious thankful declarations or joking ones

 **Pidge**  
let’s go serious because why the fuck not

 **Hunk**  
Okay I’m thankful for having the bestest friend ever

 **Lance**  
godfucking damn it hunk

 **Hunk**  
And also for my moms and my sister  
They make me feel safe and loved and they accept me for who I am

 **Lance**  
PURE! UNBELIEVABLE! OUTSTANDING!  
allura pls grace us

 **Allura**  
I’m thankful for Coran  
He took care of me after my father’s demise and I would be lost without him

 **Keith**  
Respect

 **Lance**  
keith that means ur next  
allura ur perfect and the world doesnt deserve u

 **Keith**  
Fine  
I guess I’m thankful for Shiro  
After his family adopted me he guided me all throughout middle and high school and I would be in jail if he weren’t there for me  
He’s smiling so hard right now Jesus Christ

 **Pidge**  
you are all so goddamn wonderful

 **Lance**  
keith thats really sweet and genuine but um?? jail??

 **Pidge**  
anyways i’m next  
i’m never going to say anything like this again so treasure it dweebs + allura

 **Hunk**  
Omg

 **Pidge**  
i’m thankful for you guys, my friends  
i never truly connected with other people in school before and i felt like going to college so young would make me an outsider but you all make me feel like i belong to something  
so thank you  
okay i’m done. moving on.

 **Allura**  
PIDGE!!!!! :D

 **Keith**  
That...made me really happy  
Fuck you Pidge

 **Hunk**  
I’M YOUR #1 FAN HOLY COW

 **Lance**  
this is so not fair these shouldve been fucking jokes but now im crying in the club

 **Pidge**  
MOVING ON

 **Shiro**  
I’m thankful that I got to witness all the friendships build in this club.  
You’re all bright and intelligent, and you’ll all grow to be amazing people.

 **Keith**  
Are you just gonna ignore Matt passing out on the toilet after thinking he was in his car

 **Shiro**  
Yes.

 **Matt**  
I’m bright and intelligent when i’m sober  
And i would like to say i’m thankful for my family as well  
My mom is an angel. An actual angel  
My dad taught me all that i know about technology  
And my sister......my dear, dear sister

 **Pidge**  
here we go

 **Matt**  
I have never felt so much PRIDE...for one single person  
She is strong and smart and tough  
I want to be like her when i grow up  
In this essay, I will be di

 **Pidge**  
he passed out again

 **Lance**  
that was......that was so beautiful

 **Hunk**  
I love you guys so much I love you ALL  
I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE  
I LOVE YOU GUYS

 **Keith**  
Fruit juice mess with your head a little bit?

 **Hunk**  
Yeah...maybe a little  
Idk it’s been a long few days

 **Lance**  
that and i may have slipped some wine in ur cup earlier

 **Hunk**  
WHAT

 **Lance**  
OK ITS MY TURN  
um i dont really have anything profound to say i think  
like pidge im thankful for my friends  
i just, really care about u guys! ur all amazing  
the way pidge mixes coffee and monster before a class, the way hunk keeps an emergency barf bag in his back pocket, the way shiro reads fucking newspapers in his free time, the way allura braids her hair when shes anxious, the way keith reaches for his knife when a frat boy looks him in the eye, the way matt quotes every specifically horrible anime hes ever watched in casual conversation – i love it all  
bc u guys are so unique and great and i would die for each of u given the chance

 **Hunk**  
I’m screenshotting this

 **Shiro**  
Wow...I’m speechless.

 **Pidge**  
this is just, this is Sappy and Lame and this whole conversation has been fucking Sappy and Lame and Gross

 **Matt**  
She’s cryign

 **Pidge**  
matt go back to the fucking toilet

 **Keith**  
That was  
Really cool of you, to say

 **Lance**  
thanks.......AMIGO

 **Keith**  
No

 **Allura**  
Lance, I love you

 **Lance**  
I LOVE U TOO

 **Hunk**  
IF I KNEW WE WERE GONNA RANT I WOULD’VE MADE MY THANKS LONGER

 **Lance**  
ur thanks was good enough because YOU are good enough

 **Hunk**  
Lance SHUT UP I love you

 **Lance**  
OK ITS TIME TO EAT SEE U GUYS LATER

 **Pidge**  
us too

 **Matt**  
L8er thots

 **Shiro**  
Bye, thot.

 **Hunk**  
Another screenshot

 

* * *

**Allura > THANKFUL HOES**

 

DEC 1 AT 7:08 AM

_Allura named the group FESTIVE HOES._

**Shiro**  
I approve.

 **Allura**  
You’d better

 

9:12 AM

 **Hunk**  
Oh HELL YES

 **Matt**  
Woah woah hold the fucking phone

 **Shiro**  
Hunk!

 **Allura**  
:o

 **Hunk**  
What  
What’d I do

 **Matt**  
You said “HELL”  
...Are you ok?

 **Allura**  
What happened to your normal “heck”?

 **Shiro**  
My tired eyes have been exposed to too much obscenity in this group.  
I thought you were the shining light Hunk.

 **Hunk**  
NO I AM  
I AM THE SHINING LIGHT

 **Shiro**  
I was wrong.

 **Hunk**  
I’M SORRY I’LL MAKE UP FOR THIS

 **Matt**  
This is so funny  
Hunk can you say fuck

 **Hunk**  
Never

 **Matt**  
LAME! i thought you were cool

 **Hunk**  
You still think I’m cool  
And you also know I fervently resist peer pressure

 **Allura**  
That’s a lie

 **Hunk**  
I never lie

 **Matt**  
Also a lie  
Who ARE you

 **Hunk**  
I am the SHINING LIGHT

 **Shiro**  
Your title has been revoked and given to Pidge.

 **Hunk**  
WhAT

 **Matt**  
What

 **Pidge**  
oh fuck yeah

 **Matt**  
Why not ME

 **Allura**  
Or me?  
I’m obviously the next best candidate :)

 **Matt**  
You send smiley faces all the time but it’s downright alarming how easily you can tell apart the passive aggressive ones from the genuine ones

 **Hunk**  
I have a theory that they’re all passive aggressive

 **Pidge**  
get used to it losers + allura  
i’ll always be the best

 **Shiro**  
Maybe I should give the title to Allura...

 **Pidge**  
Pardon Me.

 **Hunk**  
OR MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE IT BACK TO ME

 **Allura**  
No, Shiro obviously knows what he’s doing

 **Keith**  
Why was I never considered

 **Shiro**  
You know why.

 **Keith**  
For fuck’s sake  
You shank a guy once and suddenly you’re “violent” and have “anger issues”

 **Pidge**  
keith you;re gonna make me piss my pantsnhdjkljdhjh

 **Keith**  
If I’m not the shining light can I be the Ray of Darkness

 **Shiro**  
Yes, you can be the Ray of Darkness.

 **Keith**  
Hell yeah

 **Pidge**  
am i the fucking shining light or not

 **Shiro**  
Okay, I’ve made my decision.

 **Matt**  
I’m not even an option this isn’t fair

 **Pidge**  
allura eat my dust

 **Allura**  
Don’t count your eggs before they hatch

 **Hunk**  
Sigh

 **Shiro**  
Lance is the shining light.

 **Keith**  
No he  
He’s just NOT

 **Pidge**  
hoe WHAT

 **Matt**  
Haha you’re all losers

 **Hunk**  
I wanna say I’m mad about this decision but I’m really not

 **Allura**  
Shiro you’re fired

 **Shiro**  
I’m not employed by you?

 **Allura**  
Or so you’ve been told

 **Shiro**  
Wait, what

 **Keith**  
HA

 **Pidge**  
justice.

 **Shiro**  
Allura??? What???

 **Matt**  
She ghosted. Give it up buddy.

 **Shiro**  
I can never get a goddamn break.

 

11:41 AM

 **Lance**  
OMG IM THE SHINING LIGHT

 **Shiro**  
Actually I’ve since given the title back to Hunk.

 **Lance**  
WTF  
ARE U SERIOUS

 **Shiro**  
Maybe if you’d woken up earlier you would’ve been able to claim it.

 **Lance**  
first of all i just wanna say im disappointed in u shiro  
u partake in the rampant biphobia plaguing this community everyday

 **Shiro**  
Lance,

 **Lance**  
second of all  
i shouldnt be held accountable for u guys waking up at ungodly hours  
who the fuck is even alive at 7am

 **Keith**  
The working class

 **Lance**  
lame and unrealistic  
wake me up when obama is in office again

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a BEAST
> 
> the first convo originally wasn't going to be added but i'm a slut for drama so
> 
> i hit 1000 kudos just as i was fixing it up to post it so i want to take this time to say i'm so so sooo happy and thankful that people have taken their time to enjoy this. it was written purely for fun and i'm happy beyond words that i've made you smile and laugh (and scream, in specific cases) as the story has gone on! my main goal for this was just to express things that made me happy regarding the interpersonal relationships of each character and the fact that it's shared with so many people is incredible!! thank you for reading and just being here for the ride.
> 
> STAY WOKE LADS


	12. leave the math to pidge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we’re cranking up the ships in this joint folks

* * *

**Lance > FESTIVE HOES**

 

DEC 6 AT 2:34 PM

 **Lance**  
i know yall are at the club session rn but im fucking bored hello

 

2:50 PM

 **Lance**  
none of u are answering my private msgs and i just gotta say  
rude

 

3:01 PM

 **Lance**  
ANSWER ME U IGNORANT SLUTS

 **Keith**  
Of course the one time you don’t show up you have to blow up everyone’s phones

 **Lance**  
yes its my way of demanding attention

 **Pidge**  
they/them pronouns currently btw

 **Lance**  
u got it pidgeypoo

 **Matt**  
Shay came to the club today and literally killed allura

 **Allura**  
SHE DID NOT KILL ME

 **Hunk**  
Allura.  
Come on.

 **Lance**  
oh this is just WACK  
i wouldve loved to see allura make a fool out of herself

 **Allura**  
I did no such thing  
They just want to make fun of me for being in love!

 **Lance**  
wow sounds familiar

 **Hunk**  
Super familiar

 **Keith**  
Very fucking familiar

 **Allura**  
It’s not my fault that all of you are shamefully transparent

 **Matt**  
And she showed up with cupcakes

 **Lance**  
what kind

 **Matt**  
Strawberry, vanilla frosting, rainbow sprinkles

 **Lance**  
ALLURAS FAVORITE COMBO

 **Hunk**  
I almost screamed when I saw them

 **Lance**  
I DONT KNOW WHO TO BE JEALOUS OF!!!!!!!

 **Keith**  
It was really gay  
They kissed and everything

 **Lance**  
BINCH!!!!!!!

 **Allura**  
It was a brief kiss!!!!

 **Hunk**  
It was the cutest kiss ever  
I felt like I was gonna MELT they’re so cute

 **Shiro**  
It was incredibly sweet.  
I thought Allura would end the club session right then and there.

 **Keith**  
She forgot how to speak for like 5 minutes

 **Allura**  
Untrue, the three of you are now on my hitlist

 

* * *

**sharkboy > brown & beautiful **

 

3:32 PM

_sharkboy added Shay Balmera._

**muscle man** **  
** YES

 **Shay**  
oh my

 **sharkboy**  
HEY SHAY

 **Queen**  
I’ll murder both of you

 **Shay**  
hi!!!  
is there any particular reason i was added here?

 **Queen**  
No they just want to torment us

 **sharkboy**  
more like torment u  
shay doesnt deserve that treatment so shes exempt

 **muscle man** **  
** I agree

 **Shay**  
oh, i see  
well, i'm glad to be here nonetheless!

 **Queen**  
God you’re perfect

 **Shay**  
allura!!! ////

 **sharkboy** **  
** im burning this moment into my brain

 **muscle man**  
In Britain they don’t say “I’m a big sap for my girlfriend” they say “God you’re perfect” and I think that’s beautiful

 **Queen**  
Stop!!!!!

 **Shay**  
maybe hunk is right.  
we are quite mushy at times.  
that’s not to say i don’t enjoy it!!  
i enjoy every moment with you

 **Queen**  
Sh a y

 **muscle man**  
SHOT THROUGH THE HEART

 **sharkboy**  
AND UR TO BLAME

 **muscle man**  
YOU GIVE LOVE A GREAT NAME

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

DEC 10 AT 1:42 AM

 **Lance**  
hey dweeb

 

1:50 AM

 **mulletface**  
What the crap

 **Lance**  
HI

 **mulletface**  
What’s happening?? Am I in an alternate universe???

 **Lance**  
do u believe in the multiverse theory

 **mulletface**  
It’s not a theory it’s the fucking truth and the government is hiding its technology from us

 **Lance**  
NERD

 **mulletface**  
Lance what are you doing up

 **Lance**  
im losing my fucking mind my guy!!!!  
finals week starts in 1 day and im actually going to explode

 **mulletface**  
Yeah...I feel you

_Lance McClain set their own nickname to the_best._

**mulletface**  
Wtf is the underscore for

 **the_best**  
its a metaphor keith

 **mulletface**  
?? For what???

_the_best set the nickname for mulletface to SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD._

**SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD**  
I’m going to fucking kill you

 **the_best**  
this is comedy gold

 **SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD**  
Change it back

 **the_best**  
OH? HUM? SO U WILLINGLY WANT TO BE CALLED MULLETFACE?  
DOES THIS MEAN U ADMIT THAT U HAVE A MULLET? HM?

 **SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD**  
IT’S NOT A MULLET  
CHANGE MY NAME BACK TO KEITH

 **the_best**  
i know its hard to come to terms with but its a mullet. im sorry.

 **SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD**  
Change my name back for the love of God  
Looking at the RawrXD is giving me optical failure

 **the_best**  
optical who now  
anyway just change it back urself

 

2:18 AM

 **SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD**  
How do I do that

 **the_best**  
omg  
no no this is just too good now

 **SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD**  
If you’re gonna force me to have this stupid name at the very fucking least take out the RawrXD

 **the_best**  
ugh  
fine

_the_best set the nickname for SpicyEmoBoiRawrXD to SpicyEmoBoi._

**the_best**  
kEIEEEEITHTHTHRH

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
What

 **the_best**  
entertain me

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
You should go to sleep Lance

 **the_best**  
im not a baby

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Arguable

 **the_best**  
shut UP  
& u shouldnt be one to talk!! ur always up at the ass crack of night like some type of bat

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
I take naps during the day you know this

 **the_best**  
so if i do the math right  
if u stop taking naps during the day and separate the amount of hrs u spend awake from the hrs u spend sleeping  
u would basically have the same sleep schedule as me

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
No actually I’d be waking up around 9 like usual and sleeping around midnight

 **the_best**  
ugh who tf wants to be awake for so LONG

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
I think you should just leave the math to Pidge

 **the_best**  
ill be sure to consult them about this disparity  
hey do u wanna play uno online

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Okay I’m telling you to go to sleep with the utmost seriousness

 **the_best**  
ur just scared ill beat u

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Excuse me  
Fucking play me and we’ll see who’s scared

 

3:11 AM

_SpicyEmoBoi set the nickname for the_best to the_worst._

**SpicyEmoBoi**  
I figured out how to do it

 **the_worst**  
BEST 13 OUT OF 25

 

* * *

**doormatt > science sluts**

 

DEC 9 AT 1:00 PM

 **doormatt**  
GOOD AFTERNOON HUNK

 **pidger**  
NO ENOUGH

 **hunky**  
GOOD AFTERNOON MATT

 **pidger**  
STOP! NOW!

 **doormatt**  
Sure  
For 8000 dollars a month

 **hunky**  
!!!!!!

 **pidger**  
i’ll give you eight dollars

 **doormatt**  
Deal

 **hunky**  
WHAT  
DUDE

 **doormatt**  
It’s a solid offer

 **hunky**  
So that’s it then  
No more afternoon banter  
Wow. Some people.

 **doormatt**  
They never said we couldn’t do it through the group name

 **hunky**  
HoLY

_doormatt named the group HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS CHILLY AFTERNOON._

_hunky named the group I AM QUITE ELATED, AND YOURSELF?._

_doormatt named the group I AM DIPPITY DAMN FINE MY GOOD MAN._

**pidger**  
i want to die

 **doormatt**  
We’ll change it back to science sluts when we finish

 **pidger**  
do you ever hear what you say or is it just like white noise in your brain

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

DEC 11 AT 2:02 AM

 **begonethot**  
_[image sent]_  
do u have any childhood photos  
_[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
If we’re gonna play 20 questions you gotta stop sending memes in between the fucking questions

 **begonethot**  
ill stop when u respond appropriately to the memes

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Lol

 **begonethot**  
nvm that was absolutely horrible

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
I have a few photos  
I think there are some from before I was adopted by my family

 **begonethot**  
can i see!!

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Well I have to find them  
How about you

 **begonethot**  
i have literally a billion childhood photos  
actually my sister just posted a pic of one of them on ig last week  
let me find it

 

2:26 AM

 **begonethot**  
_[image sent]_

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
You have the biggest forehead I’ve ever seen

 **begonethot**  
WOW THANX

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
You look innocent, for once

 **begonethot**  
yeah i was 11  
this was actually the yr i came out as a boy  
there is LIGHT in my eyes

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Nice  
You have a missing tooth there

 **begonethot**  
yeah it got knocked out when i beat the crap out of the schoolyard bully

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Mhm

 **begonethot**  
fine i lost a baby tooth  
sue me

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
I stopped losing baby teeth when I was 7

 **begonethot**  
ok relax Incredible Hulk  
its ur turn to ask another question

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Okay  
I wasn’t actually thinking of one so  
Take my turn

 **begonethot**  
what no thats against the rules

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Fuck the rules

 **begonethot**  
iverson!! iverson we got a rogue one on the loose!!!  
okkk how about...  
i know u said uve been working on ur bike all semester  
do u have a pic of her

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Well  
She’s still got a lot of fixing up to do so don’t judge  
_[image sent]_

 **begonethot**  
not to be a hoe but shes fuckin hot

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
You keep your slimy hands away from her

 **begonethot**  
seriously she looks good  
keith.......give me ur blessing to marry ur bike

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Never in my life

 **begonethot**  
hold on  
what is that  
on the floor there

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
What?

 **begonethot**  
keith  
what.......is THAT  
_[image sent]_

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
You mean my flip phone

 **begonethot**  
im fucking shaking what  
what the f  
keith what

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
It’s a nokia

 **begonethot**  
what  
why  
im literally trembling

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
It’s my second phone

 **begonethot**  
why do u have 2 phones

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
No reason

 **begonethot**  
ur officially the shadiest person i know and that includes pidge  
U STILL HAVENT TOLD ME WHAT U DID THAT WOULDVE GOT U THROWN IN JAIL

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
So anyway  
It’s getting late and you have your calc final this afternoon so I think we should call it a night

 **begonethot**  
oh god pls no  
anything but MATH  
DONT LEAVE I STILL NEED TO PRETEND LIKE EVERYTHING IS FINE AND I WONT DIE TOMORROW

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
I’m here

 **begonethot**  
ur so fucking lucky u dont have classes on mondays  
no finals for u until tuesday

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Yeah but I only have one more day to study for chem and then the next day I have 3 more finals back to back

 **begonethot**  
ok yeah that sucks  
how do u think ull do on them

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
I don’t know  
I still don’t even really understand my learning process so studying has been hard sometimes

 **begonethot**  
i feel that 100%  
whats worked best for me over the yrs is learning by association  
and the rest i just wing it til something turns out right

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Of course you do  
I’m not all that worried about how I’ll score though

 **begonethot**  
now THAT i cannot relate to

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
You’re anxious?

 **begonethot**  
thats an understatement haha

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Can I call

 **begonethot**  
uh yeah  
sure  
give me a sec hunks sleeping

 _begonethot called SpicyEmoBoi._ _  
_ _21 mins 36 secs_

 **begonethot**  
thank you

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
Just get some sleep

 **begonethot**  
same 2 u spicy emo boi

 **SpicyEmoBoi**  
I’m going to be standing outside your classroom after your final so I could kick your fucking ass

 

* * *

**hunky > science sluts**

 

2:51 AM

 **hunky**  
Help

 **pidger**  
vague and ominous but hey what’s up

 **hunky**  
Lance went into the bathroom and has been on the phone with Keith for the past fifteen minutes and I emotionally cannot take it anymore

 **doormatt**  
How CUTE  
When are either of them gonna make a move

 **hunky**  
They’ve been dancing around their feelings for who knows how long

 **doormatt**  
Keith needs to come clean about liking lance  
He’s been holding it off for a while

 **hunky**  
He avoids confronting it entirely  
Which seems paradoxical for someone like him

 **doormatt**  
I’d have expected him to tackle the issue head on

 **hunky**  
At the same time though,  
Maybe Keith just feels vulnerable  
And that’s why he denies it

 **doormatt**  
Maybe so  
But lance at least has the emotional awareness to accept his likeness to keith

 **hunky**  
So denying your feelings for someone makes you emotionally unaware?

 **doormatt**  
Moreso emotionally closed off  
Everyone’s different so it’s not always a bad thing

 **hunky**  
Well maybe Keith is just scared!!  
I mean it makes sense  
Having feelings is scary  
And Lance is the one who was open to his friends about liking Keith so shouldn’t he be the one to make the first move?

 **doormatt**  
That’s putting a bit of pressure on him don’t you think  
And it’s unfair for him to have to make a move when he and keith aren’t on the same wavelength

 **hunky**  
I just think we should go easy on Keith  
Lance hasn’t even openly expressed his feelings so you can’t blame Keith for being a bit cautious

 **doormatt**  
Well KEITH should know that whether or not things go as planned they’ll work things out  
He should TRUST lance

 **hunky**  
No one said that there was no trust?!

 **doormatt**  
Considering how substantial the evidence is that the feelings are reciprocated, it sure seems that way

 **hunky**  
Keith probably just needs time to figure things out  
And he’ll go to Lance when he’s ready

 **doormatt**  
And maybe keith is disregarding lance’s loyalty to him as a friend in favor of fearing that it’ll ruin their relationship

 **hunky**  
Okay that’s not fair

 **pidger**  
are we.......still talking about keith and lance here or........

 **hunky**  
Of course we are!!  
Who else would we be talking about?

 **doormatt**  
Lmao.

 **pidger**  
oh boy

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

11:04 AM

 **Keith**  
You don’t have a big mouth so that’s the only reason I’m gonna say this

 **Shiro**  
What a conversation starter.

 

11:15 AM

 **Shiro**  
Keith?

 **Keith**  
Nevermind  
It’s not important

 **Shiro**  
No, it’s okay! You can tell me.  
What’s on your mind?

 **Keith**  
Okay  
Um  
Let me put it this way

 **Shiro**  
I’m listening.

 **Keith**  
I still hate pancakes  
But I would eat a thousand in a heartbeat if it made Lance happy  
And whenever he smiles at me I feel like punching something  
But in a good way

 **Shiro**  
Wow! That’s great, Keith!

 **Keith**  
Shut the hell up  
I know you already knew

 **Shiro**  
Okay, I did.  
And I’m glad you’re being honest with yourself.

 **Keith**  
I want to smash my head into the wall

 **Shiro**  
Alright, before you do that,  
Can I ask, what pushed you to admit it?

 **Keith**  
...I think I realized how strongly I felt when I talked to him last night  
He tried to play it off but he sounded so scared and  
I just wanted him to be happy and carefree again

 **Shiro**  
Keith...that’s an incredibly sweet sentiment.

 **Keith**  
Every time he’s feeling off I have this urge to reach out to him  
Idk he just doesn’t deserve to feel that way

 **Shiro**  
Are you going to tell him?

 **Keith**  
FUCK no  
What? Are you insane??  
We have finals until next week and then everyone leaves for a month  
This is the worst possible timing ever

 **Shiro**  
You could always tell him when we come back from winter break.

 **Keith**  
Who says he feels the same way in the first place  
It doesn’t matter  
Whatever happens, happens  
But the last thing I want is for you to be my wingman

 **Shiro**  
I don’t blame you.  
You remember my ex-boyfriend, Jason?  
Before I asked him out I spent the night watching these weird dating tip videos on Youtube.

 **Keith**  
That’s so lame  
Send the links

 

12:05 PM

 **Keith**  
Shiro send the fucking links

 

* * *

**doormatt > science sluts**

 

4:46 PM

 **doormatt**  
HEY HUNK GOOD LUCK ON YOUR FINAL

 **hunky**  
Thanks for the good vibes  
The vibes that were absent last night :/

 **doormatt**  
I’m sorry man  
I was running on 2 hours of sleep and 6 cans of redbull

 **hunky**  
Christ

 **doormatt**  
And i was being real defensive and hostile  
It was uncalled for and i’m sorry

 **hunky**  
I forgive you  
Though I do expect you to apologize properly by paying for my coffee tomorrow morning

 **doormatt**  
Consider it fuckin done

 **pidger**  
thank god that shit is over  
good luck on your final hunk  
i have no doubts in you

 **hunky**  
Thanks guys!

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Matthew Holt**

 

5:01 PM

 **pidgeotto**  
careful matt  
your crush is showing

 

5:14 PM

 **pidgeotto**  
did you just fucking block me _(Message could not be sent.)_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so season 5 was pretty fuckin crazy but all i'm gonna say is
> 
> LANCE!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN HEAR ME SWEETIE BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I LO


	13. shiro can never get a FUCKING break

* * *

– Wednesday, December 20, 2017, 3:03 PM –

 **_in beyonce we trust_ ** _added_ **_Takashi_ ** _,_ **_pidge fuck!_ ** _,_ **_macaroni salad_ ** _,_ **_1-800-MOTHMAN_ ** _,_ **_allurabura_ ** _,_ **_Shining Light_ **

**_in beyonce we trust_ ** _set the group name to “FINALS ARE OVER SUCK MY ASS FUCKHEADS”_

 

 **1-800-MOTHMAN**  
Wht

 **allurabura** **  
** I don’t even have to ask to know that’s Keith

 **1-800-MOTHMAN**  
What is this  
How did you get my skype

 **in beyonce we trust** **  
** shiro gave me it to me

 **1-800-MOTHMAN**  
What did you offer him

 **in beyonce we trust**  
the recipe for hunks mac and cheese

 **1-800-MOTHMAN**  
Shiro you’re a fucking sellout

 **Takashi**  
I like mac and cheese. Sue me.

 **macaroni salad**  
You can’t even cook

 **Takashi**  
Yes I can.

 **allurabura** **  
** Shiro...darling...

 **Takashi** **  
** Let me remind you all that we aren’t here to BULLY ME.

 **in beyonce we trust**  
hes right guys  
the truth is ive gathered u all here today for one purpose and one purpose only

 **pidge fuck!** **  
** which is

 **in beyonce we trust** **  
** ok theres actually no specific reason i just wanted to have a group call set up

 **allurabura** **  
** I don’t know about anyone else but I’m loving this

 **in beyonce we trust** **  
** shiro why is ur profile pic of a peach

 **macaroni salad** **  
** Ngl i thought it was an ass but i didn’t wanna say anything

 **Shining Light** **  
** Dude that’s kinda GAY

 **in beyonce we trust** **  
** THATS PRETTY FUCKIN GAY BRO

 **1-800-MOTHMAN**  
Fellas is it gay to look at other dudes’ butts

 **Takashi**  
You’re all horrible, seriously horrible.  
I changed it to a peach because Keith’s picture was a daisy and I wanted to match.

 **1-800-MOTHMAN**  
Because you’re a fucking copycat

 **macaroni salad** **  
** Here we go again with the super mario references  
Shiro do me a favor and come up with your OWN ideas

 **Takashi**  
I’m blocking all of you.

 **_Shining Light_ ** _set the group name to “This never would’ve happened if you’d just admitted that my gun noises were better than yours Shiro. Seriously my gun noises were the best and you’re all just bitter.”_

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Lance McClain**

 

5:15 PM

 **papa john**  
_[image sent]_

 **Lance**  
im sorry, did u just send me a Meme.

 

5:26 PM

 **Lance**  
SHIRO

 **papa john**  
Yes.  
It seemed like one you’d like.

 **Lance**  
this is a milestone  
and wow im surprised u picked up on my preference for depression memes

 **papa john**  
Yeah, well,  
Relatable, am I right?  
Also when did you change my nickname to this??

 **Lance**  
u were too busy being buff and fatherly to notice but i changed it a few days ago

 **papa john**  
Insulting.

 **Lance**  
but i mean...i totally relate to the buff part

 **papa john**  
Last week I gave you a fist bump that cracked three of your knuckles.

 **Lance**  
u promised never to bring that up again

 **papa john**  
I won’t.  
...If you drop the dad jokes.

 **Lance**  
IM SORRY, ARE U BLACKMAILING ME?

 **papa john**  
Maybe I am.

 **Lance**  
then its working ill never call u my dad again

 **papa john**  
Terrible choice of words but thank you.

_Lance McClain set the nickname for papa john to papi juan._

**Lance**  
never said i couldnt do it in spanish

 **papi juan**  
How many times do I have to block you.  
How many times, Lance.

 

* * *

**hunky > science sluts**

 

DEC 22 AT 12:58 PM

 **hunky**  
HELLO MATT, GOOD AFTERNOON

 **doormatt**  
Good afternoon hunk

 **hunky**  
Uhh  
Is something wrong?  
You’re not yelling back

 **doormatt**  
No no everything’s fine  
Tell me about your afternoon, for real

 **hunky**  
Oh  
Um...okay!

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Matthew Holt**

 

1:05 PM

 **pidgeotto**  
matt that was so fucking gay

 **matrick star** **  
** I KNOW SHUT UP HE’S TALKING TO ME ABOUT HIS DAY

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

6:14 PM

 **Shiro**  
Mom asked if you want any snacks before we leave the supermarket.

 **Keith**  
Get me a bigass bag of doritos

 **Shiro**  
“Bigass bag of Doritos” acquired.  
Hey, the next payment for Netflix is coming up.  
I was wondering if I could change the plan since you don't really seem to be watching anything on it anymore?

 **Keith**  
No I do  
Keep the same plan

 **Shiro**  
You haven't watched anything in weeks.

 **Keith**  
Well  
Lance kind of shared his account with me so I’ve just been watching stuff there lately

 **Shiro**  
...Oh.

 **Keith**  
He wanted to show me some movies on it and they're in his list and everything  
I just keep forgetting to log out of it

 **Shiro**  
Interesting.  
So you two are Netflix and chilling now?

 **Keith**  
Shiro wh  
What the fuck did you just say to me

 **Shiro** **  
** I’m just going to change the plan.

 **Keith**  
NO  
KEEP THE PLAN

 **Shiro**  
Well, obviously you don’t need a plan with me anymore since you and Lance are sharing an account.  
Guess I’m just a speck of dust in your life now.

 **Keith**  
God you’re so annoying

 **Shiro**  
Sigh.  
My brother is too grown to hang out with me these days.

 **Keith**  
I literally have breakfast with you every morning

 **Shiro**  
My days as the cool big bro are over.

 **Keith**  
You were never cool

 **Shiro**  
I’ll just go drink my Capri Sun in a corner, all alone.  
Feeling unloved.  
Unwanted.

 

6:49 PM

 **Shiro**  
Did you just call mom and tell her to ground me.

 **Keith**  
Idk what you’re talking about  
Enjoy doing my chores for the next week

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Katelyn Holt**

 

DEC 23 AT 2:30 PM

 **Hunk**  
Hey Pidge :)  
Found this super cute Xmas movie! You should totally watch it!  
_[image sent]_  
:)

 **Pidge**  
okay first of all  
what the fuck is that

 **Hunk**  
A super cute Xmas movie that you should totally watch! :)

 **Pidge**  
hunk.

 **Hunk**  
You could relate to the titular character :)

 **Pidge**  
the police are on their way to your house as we speak. thanks.

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Hunk Garrett**

 

3:44 PM

 **sahdude**  
What did you say to pidge  
They've been sulking for like an hour

 **Hunk**  
How do you know I was the cause of that!?!

 **sahdude**  
Because you've only pissed them off once before and their behavior to it is...distinct

 **Hunk**  
Okay I sent them a picture of a very cute Xmas movie

 **sahdude**  
Oh yeah Gremlins (1984) is QUITE a cute movie

 **Hunk**  
Bksdjdfdfjk THEY SHOWED IT TO YOU

 **sahdude**  
Let me just say this  
I have never respected you more than i do at this moment

 

* * *

**pidger > science sluts**

 

4:27 PM

 **pidger**  
i know you fuckers are talking trash

 **hunky**  
Hm? I have no clue what you’re insinuating

 **doormatt**  
So 2 bros can’t just talk anymore

 **pidger**  
you’re both shameless and usually talk in the groupchats so either you’re talking trash or flirting

 **hunky**  
Um what

 **doormatt**  
Haha :-)  
We’re talking trash

 **pidger**  
okay. i’m burning all of your socks

 **doormatt**  
Dad already agreed to watch the movie tonight

 **pidger**  
you’re lying

_doormatt added Samuel Holt._

**doormatt**  
Hey dad are we watching gremlins tonight

 **Samuel**  
Wha  
I’m downstairs, why are you texting me

 **pidger**  
DAD ARE WE WATCHING GREMLINS TONIGHT SAY NO

 **Samuel**  
I think you’d like it if you gave it a shot

 **hunky**  
I’ve never seen it but it actually has really good ratings  
Hi Mr. Holt!

 **Samuel**  
Oh, Hunk is here too, hello!  
Why doesn’t Katie want to watch it?

 **hunky**  
Oh no reason

 **doormatt**  
Yeah they’re just being stingy

 **Samuel**  
Be nice to your sibling, please

 **doormatt**  
I love u pidge

 **pidger**  
abhorrent.

 **Samuel**  
Good enough

 **doormatt**  
Ok bye see you at dinner

 **Samuel**  
Okay?

_doormatt removed Samuel Holt._

**pidger** **  
** i feel like we just missed an important detail in this conversation.

 

* * *

**Samuel Holt > Matthew Holt**

 

4:45 PM

 **Samuel  
** Why was the name of that group “science sluts”

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

DEC 24 AT 2:50 PM

 **keith colgate**  
Did you actually seriously mail me a pair of shears with a note saying “you know what to do”

 **lance mcdonald**  
yEs  
its ur christmas gift

 **keith colgate**  
It’s the worst gift I’ve ever received

 **lance mcdonald**  
look  
if u wanna pick up dudes u gotta do something about that mullet

 **keith colgate**  
There’s nothing wrong with my hair

 **lance mcdonald**  
keith u look like u came straight out of a poster for an 80s greaser movie

 **keith colgate**  
God  
I wanna fucking kiss you

 **lance mcdonald**  
um  
what? lmao

 **keith colgate**  
*Kiss  
I MEANT KISS

 **lance mcdonald**  
hhaha i know im attractive but jeez buddy

 **keith colgate**  
K I L L  
I WANT TO K I L L YOU

 **lance mcdonald**  
dont worry i hear the same thing from ALL my admirers ;)

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Katelyn Holt**

 

3:10 PM

 **keef**  
PIDGE WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY KEYBOARD

 **pidge**  
lol

 


	14. christmas/new years type beat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: underage drinking
> 
> just gotta say the celebration of pidge's birthday was probably the purest and most beautiful thing i had ever been alive to witness

* * *

**Allura > FESTIVE HOES**

 

DEC 25 AT 10:42 AM

 **Allura**  
Merry Christmas everyone! ^.^

 **Keith**  
Happy holidays holidudes

 **Pidge**  
happy crisis

 **Hunk**  
Merry Chrysler

 **Matt**  
It's chrimus

 **Shiro**  
Merry Christmas.

 **Pidge**  
nerd

 **Hunk**  
What’d you guys get for Christmas?

 **Pidge**  
12 dollars

 **Matt**  
A box of hamburger helper

 **Shiro**  
A week of chores.

 **Keith**  
Shiro got me a knife sharpener  
So I don’t have to manually sharpen my blade anymore

 **Matt**  
How would you sharpen it before

 **Keith**  
Eh  
A few ways

 **Matt**  
What does that mean

 **Allura**  
Anyway, Coran got me some pet mice! They’re so cute!!  
_[image sent]_

 **Lance**  
dude thats fuckin SWEET  
ive always wanted a hamster or bunny  
i could make little sweaters for them

 **Allura**  
Make them and mail them to my house

 **Lance**  
ive already got the needles in my hands holy shit

 **Hunk**  
WOW  
THEY’RE ADORABLE

 **Allura**  
Thank you!!  
I’m like their guardian now  
This is so much responsibility

 **Keith**  
Yeah well you’re a natural born leader  
Teach them to fight

 **Lance**  
so aggressive  
if they fight then theyll ruin the sweaters im gonna make for them

 **Keith**  
They need to defend themselves

 **Lance**  
theyre babies keith

 **Keith**  
Then they’ll start young

 **Lance**  
u cant just take away their childhood!!

 **Keith**  
I’M DOING WHAT’S BEST FOR THEM

 **Allura**  
Keith I’m not teaching them to fight.

 **Keith**  
Wack

 **Matt**  
I’m with lance on this one  
I wanna see them in their little sweaters

 **Lance**  
wow matt. i actually dont dislike u now

 **Matt**  
Reawwy??

 **Lance**  
reawwy reawwy

 **Pidge**  
i’m gonna fucking destroy your individual lives if you don’t stop with this furry bullshit

 **Allura**  
Lance you’re my friend but I’m afraid I have to disown you

 **Keith**  
Lance I fucking hate you

 **Lance**  
WHY AM I GETTING MORE HEAT FOR THIS

 **Hunk**  
You jammed a Shrek reference into a furry phrase...  
The audacity, man

 **Lance**  
fuck u and ur white privilege matt

 **Matt**  
I’m sorry. please beat me up

 **Lance**  
kinky

 **Pidge**  
can we please focus on the mice again  
please  
i’m actually begging

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Hunk Garrett**

 

DEC 29 AT 4:04 AM

 **Keith**  
HEY quick  question,  
Woukd you let me borrow a car for like 2days

 

8:34 AM

 **Hunk**  
Hi, what does this mean.

 

11:42 AM

 **Keith**  
Sorry  
I was drunk

 **Hunk**  
Sgdkfksjf  
DUDE  
WHAT

 **Keith**  
I got drunk

 **Hunk**  
WHY DID YOU GET DRUNK AT FOUR IN THE MORNING

 **Keith**  
Shiro and I have this thing where if I can find his wine bottle I can drink half of it  
But he was asleep when I found it so I just drank the whole thing

 **Hunk**  
Oh GEEZ

 **Keith**  
All I can remember is this weirdly strong urge to drive to Kansas  
And for some reason I needed to get a car and take you there specifically

 **Hunk**  
AW  
I was a part of your weird drunken plan to drive to Kansas?

 **Keith**  
Yeah

 **Hunk**  
Even so, I’d literally never lend you a car

 **Keith**  
Wtf  
Why not  
What if I needed it??

 **Hunk** **  
** The last time you and I rode in the same car you blasted Rasputin on a loop for 30 minutes and I’m sorry but I’m never going through that again

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

11:38 AM

 **lance** **  
** can u explain why u called my phone 5 times at 4 in the fucking morning

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

11:53 AM

 **Shiro**  
I’m never playing this stupid wine game with you ever again.

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Takashi Shirogane**

 

DEC 30 AT 1:15 PM

 **Pidge**  
i just wanted to say  
before the end of the year and all  
cheers to us for being the only fuckers in the group who havent fallen in love

 

1:25 PM

 **dadshirt**  
Well...about that...

 **Pidge**  
Pardon Me.

 **dadshirt**  
There’s this...guy, in one of my classes.  
I’ve had kind of a crush on him for a while.

 **Pidge**  
how long is “a while”

 **dadshirt**  
A few weeks.

 **Pidge**  
this is a lie  
you’d have told someone about it by now

 **dadshirt**  
It’s true.  
I’m smitten.

 **Pidge**  
okay what’s his name

 **dadshirt**  
His name?

 **Pidge**  
yes his name  
this isn’t a verbal conversation shiro

 **dadshirt**  
His name’s Tray.  
*Trey.

 **Pidge**  
okay  
last name

 **dadshirt**  
Menutable.

 **Pidge**  
so his name is  
trey menutable

 **dadshirt**  
Yes.  
He’s French.

 **Pidge**  
i know you’re in applebee’s you fucking two faced liar

 **dadshirt**  
What? What are you even talking about??

 **Pidge**  
snapchat is a real thing that exists shiro.

 **dadshirt**  
What the hell  
I never even posted anything??

 **Pidge**  
_[image sent]_

 **dadshirt**  
So you’re telling me you were able to recognize my elbow in the corner of this picture Keith took but you still scared yourself one night because you passed a mirror and thought it was Matt.

 **Pidge**  
well your left elbow is easy to recognize if you ask me  
and your horrible lie has confirmed the fact that you are still single and lonely

 **dadshirt**  
I just sighed with my whole body.

 

* * *

(DEC 30, 2017)

SNAPCHAT  
from keithbeans

SNAPCHAT  
keithbeans is typing...

 

– SATURDAY –

 **KEITHBEANS**  
What the hell are you screenshotting my story for

 **KATIE**  
no reason  
shiro tried to lie and say he was in love or something

 **KEITHBEANS**  
Gross  
If he was into anybody I’d know  
Why does that concern you anyhow

 **KATIE**  
wouldn’t you like to know

 **KEITHBEANS**  
I would which is why I’m asking

 **KATIE**  
well you know  
shiro and i are the only ones in the group who aren’t enamored by someone  
so i was seeking solidarity

 **KEITHBEANS**  
Everyone except you two has a crush??

 **KATIE**  
well allura actually did what everyone else was too fucking wimpy to do and actually asked her crush out  
but basically, yeah

 **KEITHBEANS**  
So  
Lance likes someone

 **KATIE**  
..............YES  
yes he likes someone a whole lot

 **KEITHBEANS**  
Oh  
Alright

 **KATIE**  
you’re not curious who it is

 **KEITHBEANS**  
Do you know?

 **KATIE**  
haha  
i have a big fat HUNCH dude

 **KEITHBEANS**  
And what does that mean

 **KATIE**  
that means the answer is way more obvious than you think

 

* * *

(DEC 30, 2017)

SNAPCHAT  
from #1 THIRST SQUAD (2)

SNAPCHAT  
☆Hunk☆ is typing...

 

– SATURDAY –

 **☆HUNK☆**  
I’m feelin...sweet today  
**■** > _Delivered_ _  
_ **□** > _Opened by Katie, lancito_

 **KATIE**  
nice

 **LANCITO**  
hunk why do u continue to bless us with the image of these beautiful desserts

 **☆HUNK☆**  
Idk I just feel like making you guys jealous

 **KATIE**  
joke’s on you  
i haven’t felt an emotion since the summer of ‘89

 **LANCITO**  
well i feel many emotions  
love, for the food and the person making them

 **☆HUNK☆**  
:$

 **LANCITO**  
hunger, again for the food

 **KATIE**  
hunger isn’t an emotion

 **LANCITO**  
yeah, right  
and a tasmanian devil is a real animal

 **KATIE**  
it.....it is

 **LANCITO**  
enough of ur lies  
anyway  
back to the food

 **☆HUNK☆**  
I made a few tonight for my moms to taste  
And tomorrow I’m gonna go OFF  
Batches of desserts left and right

 **LANCITO**  
wow  
so u couldnt do that when ur fam came over for thanksgiving?? ok

 **☆HUNK☆**  
You would’ve made me bake edibles

 **LANCITO**  
i meannn.................  
u still COULD lowkey

 **KATIE**  
wtf are edibles

 **☆HUNK☆**  
Nothing

 **LANCITO**  
weed brownies

 **☆HUNK☆**  
Sigh

 **KATIE**  
i should’ve known this  
matt’s my brother for fuck’s sake  
is every bi person a stoner

 **LANCITO**  
pretty much

 **☆HUNK☆**  
You got high one (1) time  
And you coughed your lungs out

 **KATIE**  
oh let me guess  
he coughed so hard he almost threw up

 **LANCITO**  
can u guys let me live. for once. can u just let me fucking live.

 **KATIE**  
absolutely not  
did hunk get high too

 **☆HUNK☆**  
Nope

 **LANCITO**  
mentiroso

 **☆HUNK☆**  
Menti who now

 **LANCITO**  
enough weed talk  
show me more desserts

 **☆HUNK☆**  
You guys suck with your stupid fast metabolisms  
**■** > _Delivered_

 **KATIE**  
i didn’t ask to be born a twig alright

 **LANCITO**  
a short twig nonetheless lmao

 **KATIE**  
why don’t you eat my fucking foot. how about that.

 **☆HUNK☆**  
**□** > _Opened by lancito_

 **LANCITO**  
im so fucking hungry for those cupcakes i cant even retaliate with a foot fetish joke

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

8:36 PM

 **keith** **  
** _[image sent]_

 

8:48 PM

 **lance** **  
** OHHHHH MY GODDDD

 **keith**  
Don’t.

 **lance** **  
** KEIEIITTHTHTH

 **keith** **  
** I’m serious.

 **lance** **  
** U WERE SOOOOO CUTEEE

 **keith** **  
** Okay. Blocked and reported.

 **lance** **  
** IM JUST LAYING IT OUT ON THE TABLE DUDE  
U WERE ADORABLE  
UR CHEEKS ARE LIKE LITTLE APPLES

 **keith** **  
** Yeah I’m burning all of my childhood photos now

 **lance** **  
** ur so goddamn DRAMATIC  
were u just born scowling or was it a bad day

 **keith**  
I was born scowling

 **lance**  
knew it  
ur face is so round its like a BUTTON

 **keith**  
I regret this so much

 **lance**  
man puberty mustve hit u like a freight truck

 **keith**  
Excuse me

 **lance**  
u were like a circle back then and ur like a square now

 **keith**  
What the solid shit does that mean

 **lance**  
ur face  
round baby face

 **keith**  
Just want you to know I’ve gotten at least five headaches since this the start of this conversation

 **lance**  
but now  
ur like chiseled out and everything

 **keith**  
Chiseled...out

 **lance**  
i just think its funny how u have this rebel bad boy persona now when u look like u couldve been on an episode of sesame street as a kid

 **keith**  
Never watched Sesame St as a kid  
Big bird freaked me the fuck out

 **lance**  
oh my godfsfhskdjsks

 **keith**  
Yep okay we’re moving on from the picture now right

 **lance**  
i dont think ill ever be able to move on after being exposed to that

 

* * *

**Allura > FESTIVE HOES**

 

JAN 1 AT 12:02 AM

_Allura named the group NEW YEAR NEW HOES._

**Lance**  
ITS 20GAYTEEEEEEEEEEN

 **Allura**  
My new year's resolution is to stop letting Coran drink nunvil on the holidays

 **Lance**  
BDKSJFJDL HE CAME TO CLASS ONE TIME WITH A THERMOS FULL OF IT  
he let me take a sip.....why does that shit taste like hotdog water

 **Allura**  
It’s a British thing

 **Lance**  
oh so like how tea is fucking disgusting  
got it

 **Allura**  
Do you want to fight? Is that what you want?  
I said I’d start this year a clean, calm woman but you’re testing me Lance

 **Shiro**  
We are not getting into the Tea vs Coffee debate this early into the year.

 **Pidge**  
no PLEASE get into the debate again it was really funny

 **Hunk**  
I’m scared to witness it a second time

 **Allura**  
Considering I won the debate last time I’m not afraid to go at it once more

 **Shiro**  
You DID NOT W  
You did not win.

 **Lance**  
can someone make sure his blood pressure is regulated

 **Keith**  
He’s fine

 **Shiro**  
New Year’s resolution for all of you: Stop Bullying Shiro. Thanks.

 **Allura**  
Saying tea’s better than coffee is not bullying  
You’re just bitter about my victory

 **Shiro**  
Bitter??? You mean how tea tastes in every existing flavor???

 **Allura**  
Shiro.......you don’t want this static

 **Matt**  
FUCK dad ate all the popcorn

 **Lance**  
i want this static  
i will shuffle my slippers on a rug for this static

 **Shiro**  
No, it’s not happening.

 **Pidge**  
the only other time i’ve seen him so heated was in chem when Slav asked him why he was advocating using teludavs as an energy source for transportation

 **Lance**  
ive never been so scared and turned on in my life

 **Shiro**  
I have three new gray hairs. Eleven minutes into the new year.

 **Keith**  
It’s not our fault you have no friends your age  
FuCKlfljy

 **Hunk**  
I’m scared again

 **Shiro**  
So do you guys have any other resolutions?

 **Keith**  
HE BARGED INTO MY ROOM TO GIVE ME A WET WILLY

 **Shiro**  
Any resolutions? Anybody?

 **Allura**  
To get you to admit that tea is better than coffee

_Shiro has left the group._

**Hunk**  
DFKGJJKLFGDFKL

_Allura Altea added Takashi Shirogane._

_Allura Altea set the nickname for Takashi Shirogane to SALTEA._

**Lance**  
allura thats like....a really elaborate pun

 **Hunk**  
Combining the words “salty” and “tea” to make SALTEA  
And your last name taking up 90% of the word  
It’s the ultimate power move

 **Matt**  
I’m not a punologist or whatever the fuck but real recognizes real

 **Allura**  
I’m glad you’re all aware of my brilliance

_SALTEA set their own nickname to Shiro._

**Allura**  
Shiro I’m sorry for riling you up  
Tea is still better  
You’re my friend and I respect your preference  
But tea’s better and has more health benefits  
But also sorry

 **Shiro**  
I accept your apology.  
Let’s be honest, coffee’s better.  
But I understand your point of view.  
Even though coffee isn’t unbearably disgusting like tea is.  
But I forgive you and I’m putting this behind us.

 **Lance**  
this whole exchange reached Hunk-levels of passive aggressive

 **Allura**  
So! Resolutions :)

 **Hunk**  
Teach Keith to cook something that won't clog his arteries

 **Keith**  
God you’re still on about this  
I work out like every day

 **Hunk**  
Exercising doesn’t erase plaque buildup  >:/

 **Keith**  
Fine  
I’ll go to those stupid cooking classes with you

 **Hunk**  
YESSSSSSSSS  
RESOLUTION #1 DOWN

 **Matt**  
Can we make this cooking class twosome a cooking class threesome

 **Hunk**  
Yeah there’s always room for more

 **Matt**  
Sweet

 **Lance**  
why does every word out of ur mouth turn into an innuendo when hunks involved

 **Matt**  
It does not

 **Hunk**  
Where was the innuendo

 **Lance**  
nvm

 **Keith**  
When he said twosome and threesome

 **Lance**  
I SAID NVM

 **Matt**  
You guys just have dirty minds

 **Hunk**  
Totally!!

 **Pidge**  
so anyways my resolution was to drink more milk

 **Lance**  
i love milk

 **Hunk**  
Lance used to drink milk with his chicken and rice which is.......a questionable combination

 **Lance**  
milk is fucking delicious thanks

 **Pidge**  
resolution number 2: stop hoping that one day i’ll respect lance  
milk is GROSS  
i can only bear it to neutralize the taste of something sweet

 **Lance**  
milk is good for ur bones u dip  
and it tastes good alone, fuck u!!!!

 **Pidge**  
milk alone tastes like death itself

 **Lance**  
which is why u will probably snap every bone in ur body by next yr

 **Matt**  
I’m getting deja vu

 **Keith**  
Idk if you guys realize but we had this same argument 2 seconds ago between Shiro and Allura and I fucking know I’m not the only one that does not want them to relapse back into it

 **Lance**  
ok  
milk is good  
now im done

 **Pidge**  
meet me behind walmart in an hour and we’ll fucking see how good milk is

 **Hunk**  
What kind of threat is that

 **Lance**  
i would if u werent like 7 states away rn!!!!

 **Pidge**  
NOW I DON’T EVEN WANNA DRINK MILK THIS YEAR JUST TO SPITE YOU

 **Lance**  
have fun doing that while i drink milk straight from a fucking gallon as i look u dead in the eye

 **Hunk**  
NOPE THIS ISN’T HAPPENING  
ADDING ONTO MY FIRST RESOLUTION I’M GOING TO STOP MY FRIENDS FROM ENFORCING UNHEALTHY HABITS

 **Keith**  
I’d probably die if I drank milk raw like that

 **Pidge**  
don’t make me feel bad because of your lactose intolerance

 **Matt**  
Did you just say “drank milk raw”

 **Hunk**  
Wait  
Keith...I’ve seen you eat ice cream at least 10 times in the last two months

 **Shiro**  
You WHAT?

 **Lance**  
U WHAT

 **Pidge**  
danger will fucking robinson

 **Keith**  
I’m an adult  
I can eat whatever I want

 **Shiro**  
Another resolution: kill Keith if he gets himself killed.

 **Hunk**  
Not to be dramatic or anything but I’m literally going to police your diet from now on

 **Keith**  
UGH

 **Allura**  
I hate to say it, but Keith  
That’s actually...metal as fuck

 **Keith**  
I’m not into girls but if I were I’d marry you without hesitation

 


	15. pure birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> admittedly, the one thing i didnt plan nor expect was inadvertently starting coffee, tea, and milk discourse in the comments of the last chapter. you are all unhinged and it frightens me
> 
> here some context for yall:  
> keith/shiro’s fam lives in texas (of course they do.)  
> the holts live in pennsylvania  
> coran & allura live in orlando, florida  
> lance’s fam and hunk’s fam both live in tampa, florida

* * *

**Pidge > NEW YEAR NEW HOES**

 

JAN 3 AT 1:26 PM

 **Pidge**  
4 and a half months ago to this date we all approached allura at the club fair and signed up for this gay ass shebang

 **Lance**  
keith shoved me approximately 7 minutes after i signed my name

 **Keith**  
I didn’t shove you, drama king  
We bumped shoulders and I told you to watch it

 **Lance**  
a verbal threat  
from that moment on uve continued to assault me

 **Pidge**  
that part is kinda true

 **Keith**  
How the fuck do I assault you??

 **Lance**  
for one, making me look at ur mullet with my own two eyes is painful enough as it is

 **Keith**  
Okay bye

 **Lance**  
TWO,  
THE TIME U ERASED EVERYTHING IN MY LIST ON NETFLIX AND REPLACED IT WITH FUCKING WESTERN MOVIES

 **Pidge**  
what the fuck

 **Allura** **  
** I’m???????

 **Lance**  
I GO BACK INTO MY ACCOUNT TO WATCH VAMPIRE DIARIES AND WHATS THE FIRST THING I SEE  
AN ENTIRE ROW OF MOVIES WITH PICTURES OF MEN IN COWBOY HATS HOLDING PISTOLS  
THERE WAS ONE ON A FUCKING HORSE  
A FUCKING HORSE

 **Hunk**  
Dude are you okay

 **Lance**  
IM SO FCUKING MAD

 **Keith**  
Vampire diaries is trash anyway

 **Lance**  
dont EVEN  
FIRST U PULL THIS SHIT AND THEN U INSULT ONE OF MY SHOWS

 **Pidge**  
god keith you really must’ve struck a chord

 **Keith**  
I did this two weeks ago

 **Lance**  
TIME IS IRRELEVANT  
THE FACT ALONE THAT U DID IT IS enOUGH

 **Pidge**  
i think he might have just been waiting for an opportunity to scream about this

 **Lance**  
I HAD TO GO THRU THE ENTIRE FUCKING SITE TO REPLACE EVERYTHING IN MY LIST

 **Pidge**  
so basically moana, 10 teen dramas, 20 ocean/animal documentaries, and every single pokemon installment

 **Keith**  
Still my greatest accomplishment to date

_Lance McClain removed Keith Kogane._

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

1:45 PM

 **keith**  
ADD ME BACK

 **lance**  
im sorry whos this? who are u?

 **keith**  
Quit fucking around and add me back

 **lance**  
no can do

 **keith**  
Do you expect me to stop messing with you when you’re this big of an asshole

 

1:49 PM

 **keith**  
UNBLOCK ME _(Message could not be sent.)_

 

* * *

**pidge_fuckurmom18 > AOL Instant Messenger.exe**

 

2:02 PM

 **pidge_fuckurmom18**  
so keith and lance are apparently netflix and chilling

 **takatakashixoxo**  
That’s what I said!!!

 **matt.fucks.aliens**  
STOP. netflix and chilling isn’t cool anymore

 **aloolamuah45** **  
** It was never cool

 **pidge_fuckurmom18**  
my point is  
they like each other

 **shining.hunk12** **  
** Well yeah  
but they constantly avoid the subject

 **matt.fucks.aliens**  
Yeah i mean who even pines these days  
Pining is for losers

 **shining.hunk12**  
Yeah who’d be dumb enough to catch feelings in this economy

 **matt.fucks.aliens**  
Not me that’s for sure

 **shining.hunk12**  
Definitely not ME either

 **pidge_fuckurmom18**  
looks into the camera like i’m on the office

 **shaybutter_224**  
young love, it seems.

 **shining.hunk12** **  
** The last time Lance pined this hard was when he first met Allura

 **shaybutter_224**  
after meeting her who WOULDN’T pine?

 **pidge_fuckurmom18**  
you and allura are so romantic it physically pains me

 **aloolamuah45**  
HNNNNNNN

 **pidge_fuckurmom18**  
i will admit  
i had a crush on allura for like a week

 **matt.fucks.aliens**  
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?

 **aloolamuah45**  
Omg

 **pidge_fuckurmom18**  
but then i actually met her and realized she was a dork

 **shaybutter_224**  
i can respect that.

 **aloolamuah45**  
SIGH

 **matt.fucks.aliens**  
So you had a crush on her too but you made fun of ME for it???

 **pidge_fuckurmom18**  
because unlike you i don’t make a fool of myself in front of pretty girls

 **matt.fucks.aliens**  
I don’t make a fool of myself period

 **shining.hunk12**  
Matt, come on

 **matt.fucks.aliens**  
Don’t “matt, come on” me

 **shining.hunk12**  
The cheesy flirting? The blushing? Anyone with eyes can see right through you  
You’re like a white Lance

 **matt.fucks.aliens**  
Thanks. fuck you too.

 **shining.hunk12**  
Jeez  
All salt and no fries

 **aloolamuah45**  
Hunk, for as much shit you give Shiro you talk just as much like a dad

 **takatakashixoxo** **  
** Told you.

 **matt.fucks.aliens**  
TOLD YOU

 **shining.hunk12**  
I DO NOT

 **shaybutter_224**  
you boys are so funny.

 **matt.fucks.aliens**  
You see? a pretty girl thinks i’m funny  
Thank you for existing shay

 **shaybutter_224**  
my pleasure!

 **matt.fucks.aliens**  
Hunk you’re fake as FUCK

 **shining.hunk12**  
Well I gotta survive in this world somehow

 

* * *

**Lance > NEW YEAR NEW HOES**

 

JAN 13 AT 12:00 AM

 **Lance**  
ATTENTION ALL  
THE NEXT 24 HOURS ARE OFFICIALLY BLESSED BY JESUS HIMSELF  
WITH APPROVAL BY GOD HERSELF  
4:23 PM TODAY WILL MARK THE ANNUAL PEAK OF BEAUTY AND HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD  
AND DEPRESSION IS CANCELLED UNTIL MIDNIGHT TONIGHT

 **Hunk**  
Dude,

 **Keith**  
Happy birthday man

 **Pidge**  
happy birthday you LOVEABLE FUCK

 **Hunk**  
Thank you guys!!!1

 **Keith**  
Why 4:23

 **Lance**  
thats when he popped out his moms bussy

 **Pidge**  
for the sake of hunk’s birthday can you think at least once before you speak

 **Lance**  
no

 **Hunk**  
That’s the one thing we agreed I could never ask him to do for my birthday

 **Lance**  
my one liners are a novelty

 **Keith**  
And headache inducing

 **Lance**  
no jealousy or bitterness is allowed on hunks birthday

 **Keith**  
I’m one hundred percent not jealous of your one liners

 **Lance**  
u say one thing but ur eyes say another

 **Keith**  
We’re?? Texting??

 **Hunk**  
For my birthday I want you two to be friendly to each other all day

 **Lance**  
...huh

 **Keith**  
What

 **Pidge**  
oh this is good. this is very good indeed.

 **Hunk**  
Rules:  
No insults! When you feel the urge to insult each other, change it to a compliment instead  
No fighting in private

 **Keith**  
I have a question

 **Hunk**  
And no lying to me about fighting in private

 **Keith**  
Nevermind

 **Hunk**  
Rules apply until midnight

 **Pidge**  
this is a good request

 **Lance**  
NO  
NOT A GOOD REQUEST  
HOW DO U EXPECT ME TO GO ALL DAY WITHOUT INSULTING KEITHS STUPID M

 **Hunk**  
>:(

 **Lance**  
stupidly amazing mullet

 **Keith**  
...Okay. I’m down for this

 **Hunk**  
:) !!

 **Lance**  
ur lucky i fucking love u

 

9:09 AM

 **Shiro**  
Happy Birthday, Hunk.

 **Allura**  
My love  <3 Happy nineteenth

 **Hunk**  
<<<<333333

 **Shiro**  
Anything planned for today?

 **Hunk**  
Well I made my own birthday cake  
And I’m blowing out the candles tonight  
That’s pretty much it  
And Lance is going to skype with me for at least four hours when he wakes up

 **Pidge**  
christ

 **Shiro**  
Do you make your own cake every year?

 **Hunk**  
Depends on how I’m feeling when the day rolls around  
Today I was in the mood for cheesecake so I buckled down and got to bakin

 **Pidge**  
does cheesecake really count as a birthday cake

 **Hunk**  
Logic doesn't matter on my birthday

 **Pidge**  
yeah. you're right.

 **Lance**  
WASUPPPPP YALL  
starting the day off RIGHT with some nicki minaj  
they need rappers like me......THEY NEED RAPPERS LIKE ME

 **Pidge**  
so they could get on their PHUCKING keyboards and MAKE ME

 **Shiro**  
THE BAD GUY CHUN-LI

 **Allura**  
.................EXCUSE ME.

 **Lance**  
WTFKJHGKJL

 **Shiro**  
I mean I think that’s how the lyrics go I just heard it on the radio last week or something.

 **Hunk**  
Shiro that was possibly a greater gift than I could’ve ever asked for

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Hunk Garrett**

 

10:06 AM

 **sahdude**  
My sweet morning sun? today...the day of your birth, i wish nothing but happiness

 **Hunk**  
Thanks but did you really have to tag me in 18 tweets this morning

 **sahdude**  
Absolutely wtf  
I actually have to do one more  
since you’re 19 today  
No offense but i’m giving you birthday punches on sight when we get back to school

 **Hunk**  
With your string arms?  
No offense taken whatsoever

 **sahdude**  
THEY’RE NOT SKINNY THEY’RE LEAN  
I thought today was supposed to be void of mean commentary

 **Hunk**  
I’m the exception

 **sahdude**  
That’s too much power for one person

 **Hunk**  
Logic does not matter on my birthday.

 **sahdude**  
I’m fucking shaken by the finality of your words and i’m not gonna lie  
it turned me on a little

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

1:12 PM

 **lance**  
_[image sent]_

 **keith**  
STOP SENDING ME TEXAS MEMES

 **lance**  
wat in tarnation are u talking about!  
im just heckity yankin ur gotdang boot

 **keith**  
I’m gonna fucking

 **lance**  
??WHAT?  
UR GONNA FUCKING WHAT??

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Keith Kogane**

 

1:16 PM

 **Hunk**  
>:(

 **Keith**  
Oh for FUCK’S SAKE

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

1:19 PM

 **keith**  
I’m gonna give you an encouraging pat on the back

 **lance**  
imzjkhsjkdsfk

 **keith**  
You little :) tattle tale, you :)

 **lance**  
who, me? never!!  
hey check out this funny billy ray cyrus meme  
_[image sent]_

 **keith**  
That’s,,,a picture of me

 **lance**  
oh really? i couldnt tell the difference  
silly me

 **keith**  
Ha h a  
Silly you

 **lance** **  
** i didnt Strike A Chord did i?

 **keith**  
Nope.

 **lance**  
at all?

 **keith**  
At all.

 **lance**  
_[image sent]_

 **keith**  
YOU FUC

 **lance**  
I FUC?

 **keith**  
YOU,,  
YOUR SMILE LIGHTS UP A ROOM

 **lance**  
OH YEAH?? WELL.  
WELL U HAVE PRETTY EYES

 **keith**  
WELL YOU HAVE SOFT SKIN

 **lance**  
UR TALENTED AND SMART

 **keith**  
YOU'RE SELFLESS AND CONSIDERATE

 **lance**  
UR VALID

 **keith**  
YOU'RE BEAU  
You're  
beating me at this.

 **lance**  
FUCK YEAHHHHH  
i mean,  
its not a competition keith

 **keith**  
So if I change everything in your list back to western movies you won't be mad

 **lance**  
keith.

 **keith**  
I’ll take that as a yes

 **lance**  
NOPE UR NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT

 **keith**  
Why the hell not

 **lance**  
BC HUNK SAID TO BE NICE TO EACH OTHER  
REPLACING MY LIST WITH WESTERN MOVIES IS NOT NICE

 **keith**  
I’m just trying to show you a different spectrum of movies

 **lance**  
a spectrum of movies that u Know i hate with every atom in my being  
its an action fueled by INTENT

 **keith**  
Hunk also said not to fight in private  
So let's not fight about it?

 **lance**  
this aint a fight!!! this is me telling u not to do it!!!

 **keith**  
Sounds like a fight  
But I’m gonna go do it

 **lance**  
not if i change my password

 **keith**  
Already logged in

 **lance**  
oh my FUCKING GOD

 

* * *

**hunky > science sluts**

 

3:34 PM

 **hunky**  
UMMM NOT TO BRAG OR ANYTHING BUT  
MY NEPHEW GOT ME A MUG THAT SAYS “HUNKLE”  
_[image sent]_

 **pidger**  
blessed image

_doormatt set the nickname for hunky to hunkle._

**hunkle**  
!!!

 **doormatt** **  
** Since it's your birthday  
Shouldn't you be allowed to say at least one curse word

 **hunkle** **  
** NO

 **pidger** **  
** why DON'T you cuss?  
like, at all

 **hunkle** **  
** Don't get me wrong  
I want to cuss. All the time, at every moment

 **pidger**  
then do it binch!!

 **doormatt** **  
** What's stopping you

 **hunkle** **  
** When Lance and I got into high school together, he started cursing out loud for the first time  
So he was like Ooh I bet you wouldn't be able to stop cussing once you start  
And I had a lot to prove back then, so I took it seriously  
So he bet that he’d catch me cursing by the time we were like 20, and I haven't cussed out loud since I was fourteen  
To Lance, anyway

 **pidger** **  
** hold the fuck up  
so you've certainly said curse words, just not to anyone we know

 **hunkle** **  
** Yep

 **doormatt** **  
** I have no fucking clue how to process this information

 **pidger** **  
** but...it doesn't really seem like lance acknowledges the bet

 **hunkle** **  
** At some point I thought he forgot about it, but I occasionally catch him paying close attention when I censor myself

 **doormatt** **  
** The most ridiculous part of this story is the fact that neither of you had cussed before high school

 **hunkle**  
We were good kids!!

 **pidger** **  
** i said my first cuss when i was six  
it was “shit”

 **doormatt** **  
** Mine was “what the fuck" at 8 years old

 **hunkle** **  
** Well I can tell you that my first curse out loud was the F-word too

 **doormatt** **  
** Kinda sucks that you can't type it either

 **hunkle** **  
** A small price to pay for a great reward >:)

 **pidger** **  
**.....hunk. what's on the line for this bet.

 **hunkle** **  
** The satisfaction of winning

 **doormatt**  
Stop TEASING  
WHAT’S DOES THE WINNER GET

 **hunkle**  
Whoever wins gets to choose what they want so I really don’t know

 **doormatt**  
So then  
What would you choose?

 **hunkle**  
You

 **doormatt**  
E,  
Excuse me

 **hunkle**  
I choose YOU

 **pidger**  
PIKACHU

 **doormatt**  
OH  
OH OK HAHA  
GOOD ONE DUDE

 **hunkle**  
Jeez Matt  
Keep up!

 **doormatt**  
Yup yes totally

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

9:52 PM

 **Lance** **  
** so whats the plan for ur birthday week

 **Hunk** **  
** Ma helped me set up a list of things to do this week before we head back to Uni  
I was thinking Monday I’d go to the amusement park with my sister and nephew  
Little kid loves cotton candy  
Then Tuesday and Wednesday we’re having family game night  
Monopoly and Trouble for sure, two absolutely cursed board games, and I like Matt  
And Thursday I was thinking of heading to the beach with some of my friends down the block but I’m still not sure if it's gonna be raining that day?  
So it's up in the air for now  
And Friday is Relaxation Day, no money spent and no energy lost

 **Lance** **  
** sounds heckin good my dude keep me updated

 

10:36 PM

 **Lance** **  
** wait what the FUCK DID U JUST SAY

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's just pretend like chun li came out in january
> 
> lance: hey shir–  
> shiro: (yanks out his headphones as they blast nicki minaj’s barbie tingz) IT’S A PODCAST. I’M LISTENING TO A PODCAST.


	16. musical.ly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to another chapter of An Excuse To Write Out My Headcanons

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

JAN 14 AT 11:22 AM

 **Lance** **  
** so are u just gonna glaze over the fact that u just confessed

 **Hunk**  
Confessed what

 **Lance**  
ok. guess thats the road we’re going down

 **Hunk**  
...Mmmmokay FINE  
But ONLY because you’re making me feel bad  
I do like him...a lot

 **Lance**  
OH WORM?

 **Hunk**  
And that’s all for today folks

 **Lance**  
get the FUCK back here and gush to me about ur crush  
uve had to deal with me doing it  
and the last time u had a crush so strong u denied it was with shay!!  
4 FUCKING YEARS AGO  
IVE BEEN ROBBED OF QUALITY HUNK-IN-BURNIN-LOVE CONTENT

 **Hunk**  
You’re making me blush and I HATE IT

 **Lance**  
CAN I TELL PIDGE  
OR ALLURA

 **Hunk**  
Negative on Pidge

 **Lance**  
Y NOT

 **Hunk**  
One, she’s his sister  
Two, she’s his sister  
Three, I love her with all my heart but she’s his sister

 **Lance**  
ok i see ur point  
BUT ALLURA?

 **Hunk**  
Ughjhjgfjfj fine.

 

* * *

**delicioso > brown & beautiful**

 

11:34 AM

 **delicioso**  
GOT SOME SCALDING TEA FOR U LOVELY LADIES TODAY

 **Queen**  
I’m a slut for tea

 **delicioso**  
hunk should u do the honors or should i  
ur taking too long to respond so im gonna go ahead  
HUNKK LIKES MATTTTTTTTT

 **Queen**  
Oh FUQ.

 **shae**  
omg!!

 **Queen**  
Glad I can say I’m not the only one who had a thing for a white boy

 **shae**  
unfortunately.

 **delicioso**  
jfsfhkkjslfj

 **itshunkbaybee**  
UUGJHHGHGJ

 **Queen**  
Now that you’re here you are OBLIGATED to spill everything

 **itshunkbaybee**  
You know me too well Allura...I can’t help but gossip even if it’s about myself...

 **delicioso**  
tragic flaw. his only flaw.

 **shae**  
when did you know?

 **itshunkbaybee**  
Last night

 **shae**  
no!! i don’t mean when you confessed,  
i mean when did you KNOW you had feelings for him

 **itshunkbaybee**  
Oh man. THAT.

 **shae**  
i knew i fell for allura when she carried my mini fridge up eight flights of stairs without breaking a sweat.  
  
**Queen**  
Wait REALLY  
THAT WAS TWO YEARS AGO

 **shae**  
i’m a piner!!  
i pine.

 **Queen**  
FOR TWO YEARS?

 **shae**  
let’s be honest i liked you the moment i laid eyes on you.

 **delicioso**  
big mcfuckin mood

 **shae**  
hunk!! when did you know!!

 **itshunkbaybee**  
It was when,, I went to Shiro’s apartment on Keith’s birthday and heard him butchering a Celine Dion song in the bathroom

 **delicioso**  
u are not fucking serious rn  
U STARTED LIKING HIM THE SAME TIME I STARTED LIKING KEITH

 **Queen**  
Screenshotted.  
For future purposes.

 **shae**  
keith’s birthday must possess some special emotional properties.

 **delicioso**  
IM SO MADDD  
I GAVE U THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO SAY THAT U LIKED MATT  
I WILL QUOTE MYSELF RN

 **itshunkbaybee**  
HELLO! You’re horrible at keeping secrets!!

 **delicioso**  
U SHUT TF UP IM GOING THRU OUR CONVO  
AND FOR UR INFORMATION IM ACTUALLY A GREAT SECRET KEEPER  
ok i found the msg  
“but anyways id never ask matt out  
hes ur territory ;)”

 **shae**  
oh my...

 **itshunkbaybee**  
I’m begging you to stop talking.

 **Queen**  
The tea is so H O T

 **delicioso**  
NO NO  
IT DOESNT STOP THERE  
“thats supposed to mean that u guys have the hots for each other and the only way u deal with it is by jokingly flirting with each other”

 **shae**  
haha sounds familiar.

 **itshunkbaybee**  
After you said that I consciously tried to stop flirting with him

 **delicioso**  
wow. my impact is too fucking real  
here we are 3 whole entire months later and uve finally admitted it

 **itshunkbaybee**  
And we’re never speaking of it again thank you and goodnight

 **shae**  
it’s noon??

 **Queen**  
Let him go...he’ll be back  
Once his feelings are voiced he can’t stop himself from ranting and raving

 **itshunkbaybee**  
That is certifiably Not True

 **delicioso**  
should i cite the time you yelled for a straight week about rolo and nyma plagiarizing my essay

 **itshunkbaybee**  
BECAUSE I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO TRUST THEM BUT NOOO NYMA WAS JUST TOO PRETTY FOR COMMON SENSE

 **delicioso**  
i know ur saying that bc u care but im SENSITIVE

 

* * *

**Allura > NEW YEAR NEW HOES**

 

JAN 17 AT 3:04 PM

 **Allura**  
When we head back to campus this weekend who wants to meet at my dorm for a Lit Party

 **Matt**  
Allura, i spiritually love you but how in the actual living fuck would all of us fit in your single dorm

 **Pidge**  
hello? obviously we’d huddle the entire time? dumbass  
lance would sit in the sink

 **Hunk**  
No no, that’d never work  
He’s too lanky his legs would poke the ceiling

 **Lance**  
no offense but all of u suck ass

 **Allura**  
Fine  
We’ll go to Keith’s dorm

 **Keith**  
I think the fuck not

 **Allura**  
Come on, PLEASE

 **Keith**  
Lotor is still pissed about the time Lance spilled sake on his bed

 **Shiro**  
What were you doing with sake?

 **Pidge**  
what were you doing with LANCE?

 **Lance**  
yeah lets not do keiths dorm  
if i have to see lotors infuriatingly perfect face again i think ill actually punch him in the throat

 **Allura**  
Not saying I wouldn’t love to witness that but yes, maybe we shouldn’t do Keith’s dorm then

 **Pidge**  
ew  
you find lotor attractive

 **Lance**  
i hate him but im not BLIND  
and ur gay u dont have the lens for men

 **Pidge**  
you got a point there

 **Keith**  
Yup. Not my room then.

 **Matt**  
Shiro, my man...help us out here

 **Shiro**  
Sorry, do I know you?

 **Allura**  
PLEASE

 **Shiro**  
The last time all of you were in my apartment together was for Keith’s birthday and I am STILL fixing the hole in the wall next to the fridge.

 **Pidge**  
lmao sorry

 **Allura**  
This time will be different  
We have matured

 **Shiro**  
If you all come, I’m controlling the music.

 **Keith**  
Shiro no one wants to listen to fm radio

 **Pidge**  
askldjkfdgjlkg

 **Hunk**  
SDXKLFJDJK THAT REMARK ASIDE I DON’T BLAME YOU SHIRO

 **Lance**  
what why  
i have good taste in music

 **Hunk**  
Eh. Sometimes it’s good sometimes it’s horrible  
There’s no in between with you  
Actually all of you have bad taste in music

 **Allura**  
I didn’t even do anything to be called out like that

 **Matt**  
I don’t even know what music is

 **Hunk**  
Each of you has an intense love for a Cursed Song  
Lance’s is wonderwall

 **Lance**  
WODNERWALL IS A GOOD FUCKING SONG

 **Keith**  
It’s basic

 **Hunk**  
Keith yours is Rasputin

 **Lance**  
HA

 **Allura**  
Common knowledge

 **Keith**  
How is that a cursed song

 **Pidge**  
it got old after the first eighty times you played it

 **Keith**  
RASPUTIN NEVER GETS OLD

 **Hunk**  
Shiro’s is Africa by toto

 **Pidge**  
okay i’m gonna have to stop you right there  
africa by toto is one hundred percent Not cursed

 **Shiro**  
THANK you.

 **Matt**  
Hunk in all the time that i’ve known you this is the first thing you’ve ever been wrong about

 **Hunk**  
It’s CURSED and I stand by my statement  
AND YOURS IS SHAKE IT

 **Pidge**  
what in the fucking world is that

 **Lance**  
UM? UNCULTURED SWINE?

 **Matt**  
Don’t @ me but that’s a quality song

 **Lance**  
yeah but lets be real: if she does it like this will u do it like that?

 **Matt**  
Depends on if she touches like this then i’ll touch her right back

 **Lance**  
now if she moves like THIS will u move like THAT

 **Matt**  
COME ON

 **Lance**  
SHskahsjkhkshakkhshkakeSHAKE IT

 **Hunk**  
You see what I mean  
Horrible energy

 **Pidge**  
yeah that’s cursed.

 **Hunk**  
Pidge yours is Heaven

 **Keith**  
The one by DJ Sammy or Bryan Adams

 **Pidge**  
dj sammy

 **Keith**  
Oh okay

 **Hunk**  
Dude how do you know that

 **Lance**  
keith do u listen to heaven in ur free time

 **Keith**  
NO  
Pidge plays it all the time  
She made me fucking listen to both versions

 **Pidge**  
heaven fucking SLAPS  
it makes my toes vibrate

 **Matt**  
She had that stupid song bass boosted at her 16th birthday party

 **Pidge**  
you take that back FUCKER

 **Allura**  
I LOVE THAT SONG!!

 **Matt**  
Fine. but i only take it back because allura likes it

 **Hunk**  
Allura’s cursed song is Americano  
Actually nevermind  
It has gay themes and I respect that

 **Keith**  
By Lady Gawgaw

 **Pidge**  
keith please stop saying it like that

 **Allura**  
It’s also a bop??  
I only stan legends  
And we’re deviating!! Shiro can we come to your flat when everyone’s arrived on campus this weekend?

 **Shiro**  
Hm. No.

 **Pidge**  
okay. i’m gonna blast each and every one of these songs outside your bedroom window the moment we get back.

 **Shiro**  
Pidge,

 **Pidge**  
nonstop, all night.

 **Lance**  
and after allllll............ur my wonderwalllllll

 **Shiro**  
Okay, I change my mind. You can all come.

 **Allura**  
Oh hell yeah

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

JAN 20 AT 6:07 AM

 **Lance**  
mmorning my g goodman

 **Hunk**  
Morning sleeping beauty  
Remember to meet me at the bus station at 7:15 I wanna get the good seats

 **Lance**  
u fukkin got it

 

6:51 AM

 **Lance**  
ronnie’s driving me there now  
sooo  
ur gonna be facing matt for the first time after coming to terms w ur feelings... ;)  
how are u holding up

 **Hunk** **  
** Not phased at all.

 **Lance** **  
** this is the calm before the storm

 **Hunk** **  
** Just because you freak out whenever you like someone doesn't mean I have to, too!!

 **Lance** **  
** hm. im holding u to this.

 **Hunk** **  
** Hold me all you want  
Matt is my friend and we have a mutual platonic bro-bond

 **Lance** **  
** i had a bro bond with keith for like 2 weeks before i decided i was gay for him

 **Hunk** **  
** Irrelevant.  
Nothing's really changed and nothing's gonna change  
I’m pretty sure it won't even feel that different!

 

1:35 PM

 **Hunk** **  
** Ohhmygdodhhdj he’s so cutetvshfjdjdkdjf

 **Lance** **  
** I FUCKING CALLED IT

 

* * *

**Shiro > NEW YEAR NEW HOES**

 

9:52 PM

 **Shiro**  
You guys were here for two hours.  
Two hours.  
How did you manage to RIP THE PIPES OUT OF MY BATHROOM SINK.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keith: BUT WHEN HIS DRINKING AND LUSTING AND HIS HUNGER FOR POWER BECAME KNOWN TO MORE AND MORE PEOPLE, THE DEMANDS TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS OUTRAGEOUS MAN BECAME LOU D ER AND L OUD ER  
> hunk: god please no not agai-  
> keith, ruthlessly banging his fists on the dashboard in time with the beat: HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY


	17. the dawn of a new age

* * *

**Allura > NEW YEAR NEW HOES**

 

JAN 30 AT 12:33 PM

 **Allura**  
Can’t wait to see you guys tomorrow! :D

 **Pidge**  
the gsa reigns fucking supreme

 **Shiro**  
Didn’t you mention new club members this semester?

 **Allura**  
Indeed I did  
Should I add them?

 **Lance**  
yeaahhhh

 **Keith**  
No

 **Pidge**  
i’m lowkey with keith on that

 **Lance**  
why not u sore suckers

 **Pidge**  
this groupchat is sacred  
only the important people are here  
with the exception of matt

 **Matt**  
Why do you bully me  
Is it because i joined 3 months late

 **Keith**  
That’s exactly why

 **Allura**  
I understand  
So we’ll just make a new club group chat then :)

 **Shiro**  
Will that one actually be professional?

 **Lance**  
i wouldnt hold my breath if i were u

 

* * *

**Allura, Takashi, Hunk, Lance, Katelyn, Keith, Matthew, Lotor, Shay, Rolo, Nyma, Plaxum**

 

12:50 PM

_Allura created the group._

_Allura Altea set the nickname for Takashi Shirogane to Shiro._

_Katelyn Holt set their own nickname to Pidge._

_Matthew Holt set their own nickname to Matt._

**Allura**  
Hello everyone :)

 **Lance**  
um,,

 **Keith**  
Lotor what in the living fuck are you doing here

 **Hunk**  
Aren’t you straight

 **Lotor**  
What, so I can’t be an ally?

 **Lance**  
absolutely fucking not

 **Nyma**  
lmao

 **Rolo**  
Well hello to you guys too

 **Hunk**  
aLRight I mean I guess

 **Lance**  
ive made amends with them relax hunk  
LOTOR on the other bisexual trans cuban hand,,

 **Pidge**  
fucking tell em

 **Lotor**  
I’ve only sent one message.

 **Lance**  
now thats two  
when do u ever fucking stop

 **Allura**  
Lotor try not to rile him up. Seriously.

 **Lotor**  
I haven’t done anything??

 **Lance**  
u signed up for this fucking club is what u did

 **Shay**  
haha  
:)

 **Lance**  
thanks shay im not angry anymore

 **Shay**  
<3

 **Nyma**  
man  
do you have beef with everybody?

 **Lance**  
still lowkey have beef with u  
but ur hot so whatever

 **Nyma**  
thanks babe

 **Keith**  
So anyway  
I’m guessing you guys are joining our club meetings from now on

 **Nyma**  
oooh  
is this the boyfriend

 **Keith**  
The what now

 **Lance**  
the what now

 **Allura**  
THE WHAT NOW

 **Nyma**  
nevermind ig

 **Lance**  
wh?????

 **Keith**  
Okay. Moving on  
Is anybody gonna answer my question

 **Lotor**  
I can’t attend the one tomorrow but I’ll be coming from next week onwards.

 **Lance**  
fake ass bitch

 **Plaxum**  
Whats up you fiends  
I actually cant come til next week either

 **Lance**  
thats perfectly understandable hope u can make it asap my love

 **Lotor**  
Really, Lance.

 **Pidge**  
don’t you fucking call him out  
lance you’re doing amazing sweetie

 **Plaxum**  
Lol  
Btw Keith I heard youre quite the expert at constructing and studying conspiracies

 **Keith**  
What  
How did you,,, happen upon that kind of information

 **Hunk**  
Like we don’t know you have a corkboard stashed under your bed

 **Keith**  
Because I don’t??

 **Lotor**  
He does. It’s covered in newspaper cutouts and photos.

 **Matt**  
Oh my god

 **Lance**  
wow. for a solid second i think i tolerated u

 **Keith**  
Allura can you fucking remove him

 **Allura**  
I wish

 **Plaxum**  
its okay dude!!  
I love conspiracies  
I was actually wondering if we could exchange some when I come to the club meetup

 **Keith**  
Yeah sure whatever I guess

 **Lance**  
this is so cute

 **Pidge**  
keith’s not the only conspiracy theorist in this bunch  
we’re a 2 in 1 package deal

 **Plaxum**  
even better  
the more the merrier

 **Pidge** **  
** holy shidd!!!

 **Matt** **  
** Where tf is shiro

 **Keith**  
Probably muted his notifications

 **Pidge**  
bsfkjgkjdfk

 **Lance**  
shiros literally fucking had enough of us

 **Shiro**  
I’m right here.  
Hi everyone.

 **Hunk**  
Thank god I thought you’d died of old age for a hot second

 **Lance**  
thats nOT funnynhskjdkllkl

 **Shiro**  
And I’m OUT.

 **Lotor**  
So immature.

 **Pidge**  
god can you SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **Keith**  
For fuck’s actual sake Lotor

 **Allura**  
Lotor I need you to refrain from making instigative remarks

 **Lotor**  
I’m not instigating anything! I’m just saying what’s on my mind!

 **Pidge**  
all men ever do is lie

 **Hunk**  
But I’m honest :(

 **Pidge**  
for a man, being honest is just lying about lying

 **Keith**  
That makes a weird kind of sense

 **Allura**  
Hunk you just lied

 **Hunk**  
No I didn’t

 **Lance**  
u lie about everything

 **Hunk**  
Now YOU’RE lying about me being a liar

 **Lance**  
U LIE ABOUT BEING MAD WHEN UR MAD AT ME

 **Hunk**  
Untrue.

 **Pidge**  
you see. everything devolves back into a lie.

 **Lotor**  
Voicing my thoughts is not lying.

 **Nyma**  
that also kinda sounds like a lie

 **Lotor**  
Sorry, who are you?

 **Nyma**  
a bitch you shouldn’t try

 **Plaxum**  
jesus,,

 **Allura**  
So! That was quite the conversation but I think maybe we should take a break from the topic at hand and establish our orientations if we’re comfortable doing so :)

 **Keith**  
Do we have to write out our introductions again

 **Pidge**  
please god no  
i already know everything about the six of you  
if i have to hear it one more time i’ll combust

 **Allura**  
Alright  
We’ll keep it short and sweet  
I’m a pansexual sophomore

 **Matt**  
Bi senior!

 **Hunk**  
Pansexual freshman

 **Lance**  
trans bi freshman

 **Nyma**  
haha baby  
bi-demisexual sophomore here

 **Rolo**  
Ace sophomore at your service gents

 **Pidge**  
trans nb lesbian freshman

 **Plaxum**  
trans nb lesbian too!!! she/her :)  
Im a freshman as well

 **Pidge**  
holy fuck  
you and i are going to get along swimmingly

 **Shay**  
i’m a bisexual freshman.

 **Keith**  
Gay sophomore

 **Shiro**  
I’m gay and I'm in the graduate program.

 **Lotor**  
So I go next?

 **Keith**  
And Lotor’s a straight junior  
Are we done?

 **Lotor**  
Allura, seriously,

 **Allura**  
Yep we’re done!  
Glad to welcome our new recruits and I hope you all have fun in the upcoming weeks :D

 **Rolo**  
Looking forward to some quality gay shit

 **Nyma**  
cheers i’ll drink to that bro

 

* * *

**delicioso > brown & beautiful**

 

5:12 PM

 **delicioso**  
not to be heterophobic or anything

 **itshunkbaybee**  
That word literally does not exist

 **delicioso**  
but why did u let lotor join the club  
im not mad about it or anything  
its just, u know, ur history with him and all

 **Queen**  
I’m perfectly capable of interacting with Lotor civilly

 **delicioso**  
and i believe that  
but like, are u ok

 **Queen**  
I’m quite fine, I’ll be honest  
I hope that doesn’t sound passive aggressive...  
But I really don’t have a problem with it!  
I find it quite amusing actually

 **shae**  
amusing?

 **Queen**  
The way everyone gangs up on him  
Like you’re all my support group :)

 **delicioso**  
u bet ur bottom fucking dollar we are

 **shae**  
yes  
and if he ever tries anything rash, i will decimate him myself.

 **Queen**  
Shay that’s...kinda hot

 **delicioso**  
shay can u beat me up ill pay u 5 dollars

 **itshunkbaybee**  
Now’s not the time for your weird kinks Lance

 **delicioso**  
I WAS JOKING

 **Queen**  
Were you?

 **shae**  
were you really though?

 **delicioso**  
i wouldnt deny the opportunity. thats all im saying.

 

* * *

**matte > science sluts**

 

FEB 3 AT 12:58 PM

 **matte**  
Let’s fucking do this  
First afternoon banter of the semester

 **hunkle**  
Well we can’t just force it  
The afternoon banter has to come to us naturally

 **matte**  
You’re right

 **hunkle**  
I always am

 **pidger**  
or how about you just don’t do it at all

 

1:09 PM

 **matte**  
HELLO HUNK  
GOOD AFTERNOON

 **hunkle**  
GOOD AFTERNOON MATT

 **matte**  
AND HOW HAS THE DAY TREATED YOU, FRIEND?

 **hunkle**  
BEYOND WELL, MY GOOD SIR

 **pidger**  
i can never fucking win

 **matte**  
Relax pipsqueak that’s about it for today  
How do you two freshman babies feel going into your second semester

 **pidger**  
depends  
how does your old ass feel about graduating this summer

 **matte**  
Don’t mix me up with shiro  
Feels a little bittersweet  
But I’ve already applied for the graduate program so you guys haven’t gotten rid of me yet

 **hunkle**  
Unfortunately!

 **matte**  
Please  
If I had graduated and gone back home you both would die of intense grief  
Well, not pidge because she gets to see me at home  
But hunk would cry for weeks

 **hunkle**  
I don’t even have tear ducts

 **matte**  
Hunk you cried watching a bird feed its babies on animal planet last week

 **hunkle**  
There was a lot of dust in the room and it got into my eyes obviously  
My tears,, my REAL tears, are for my moms ONLY

 **matte**  
Valid  
But don’t worry i know you’re secretly in love with me and mentally planning our future wedding each day

 **hunkle**  
I,

 **matte**  
It’s okay, i have thousands of admirers i know how it can be

 **hunkle**  
Well I’m nnnnnot an admirer!!

 **matte**  
Wow  
You really are a liar

 **hunkle**  
Wh;;

 **matte**  
Onto more pressing matters, though  
I’m at the deli and i’m debating whether or not to get my bagel toasted  
Thoughts?

 **hunkle**  
I?????

 **pidger**  
fucking shameless.

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Lance McClain**

 

1:25 PM

 **Hunk**  
Lance I’m fucked

 **Lance**  
wHTAG TE FCUKC,;L

 

* * *

(FEB 4, 2018)

SNAPCHAT  
from keithbeans

SNAPCHAT  
keithbeans is typing...

 

– Sunday –

 **KEITHBEANS**  
_[shared ☆Hunk☆’s snap story]_  
So you guys are hanging out with Nyma and Rolo again

 **LANCITO**  
o yeah  
u wanna come meet us at the freshman quad

 **KEITHBEANS**  
No thanks  
I just wanted to ask you something

 **LANCITO**  
come on i know ur not doing anything  
but i do wanna know what u want to ask me

 **KEITHBEANS**  
A while ago Pidge sort of brought up that she thought you might have a crush on someone  
And Pidge is never really wrong so

 **LANCITO**  
uhm

 **KEITHBEANS**  
Is it one of the people that joined the club this semester?

 **LANCITO**  
hmMM well,,,,,,  
why do u want to know??

 **KEITHBEANS**  
I mean I don’t care  
I’m just curious

 **LANCITO**  
ok fine

 **KEITHBEANS**  
So  
You do like someone

 **LANCITO**  
that i do, sir

 **KEITHBEANS**  
Oh  
Okay. Who is it

 **LANCITO**  
i cant just TELL u their name  
u have to figure it out urself!!!

 **KEITHBEANS**  
There aren’t exactly that many options

 **LANCITO**  
so then ill do u a solid and narrow it down even more  
the person i like has dark hair  
dark eyes, too  
thick eyebrows  
tends to be socially awkward at times, but i find it endearing  
theyre not in the same year as me  
and theyve bought me a coffee once or twice before

 **KEITHBEANS**  
...Oh my fucking god  
I know who it is

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

3:32 PM

 **Keith**  
YOU HAVE TO FUCKING STOP BUYING LANCE COFFEE

 **Shiro**  
I’m sorry, what?

 **Keith**  
HE’S GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

 **Shiro**  
I’M SORRY, WHAT?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm in just as much pain as you are


	18. we're going to disneyworld

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keith: lance doesn't like me  
> crowd: BOO YOU WHORE
> 
> spoiler alert: Vultrin Univorsetiy is located right by where allura and coran live. yep. orlando fucking florida.

 

* * *

(FEB 4, 2018)

SNAPCHAT  
from lancito

SNAPCHAT  
lancito is typing...

 

– Sunday –

 **LANCITO**  
wait what  
so you......know who i like??

 **KEITHBEANS**  
Well  
It's obvious

 **LANCITO**  
um ok,  
haha  
so??

 **KEITHBEANS**  
So? What

 **LANCITO**  
id um, kind of like an answer  
or response or something  
if thats cool with you

 **KEITHBEANS**  
From me??

 **LANCITO**  
yes?  
i mean, does it bother you?

 **KEITHBEANS**  
No. Not at all.  
I don't care

 **LANCITO**  
you dont...care  
well do you,,, feel the same?  
or anything lmao

 **KEITHBEANS**  
Wtf  
Why would I feel that way about Shiro??

 **LANCITO**  
shiro??????  
what does shiro have to do w  
o h h HHHH

 **KEITHBEANS**  
What is it now

 **LANCITO** **  
** you think;;  
that i like shiro

 **KEITHBEANS**  
That’s who you described.

 **LANCITO**  
you guessed wrong  
so fucking wrong

 **KEITHBEANS**  
What?

 **LANCITO**  
anyways can u send me a snap  
we’re about to lose our 12 day streak  
**■** > _Delivered_ _  
_ **□** > _Opened_

 **KEITHBEANS**  
No

 **LANCITO**  
blocked and reported.

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Lance McClain**

 

3:45 PM

 **shiro**  
Lance, can I talk to you for a minute?

 **Lance**  
ohmy godf

 **shiro**  
Keith, um, told me?  
He didn’t mean to, I think he just got a little overexcited!  
But it’s okay!

 **Lance**  
SHIRO I DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR U

 **shiro**  
Oh thankGod  
Not that you’re not a catch!!

 **Lance**  
rude  
i know im a goddamn catch

 **shiro**  
You know I don’t mean it like that.  
You’re like a baby brother to me.

 **Lance**  
Friendzoned Again. *tips fedora sullenly* m’sir...

 **shiro**  
I tried to have a tender moment with you and you ruined it So Horribly.

 **Lance**  
but seriously i dont feel that way about u at all  
i mean ur my dad

 **shiro**  
Please stop saying that.

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

4:02 PM

 **Keith**  
So  
It wasn’t you

 **Shiro**  
No shit.

 

4:08 PM

 **Shiro**  
I’m sorry, that was rude.  
I love you and you’re still valid for making an honest mistake.

 **Keith**  
Thanks

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

FEB 6 AT 5:42 PM

 **Lance**  
HUNK.........BUDDY.........  
i love u with all of my soul but we arent just gonna slide past the fact that u said fuck a few days ago

 **Hunk**  
I never said that

 **Lance**  
ohmy GOD WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN  
IM NOT LETTING U DENY IT FOR LIKE 3 MONTHS UNTIL U FINALLY ADMIT IT  
SO JUST OWN IT BITCH!!!!!

 **Hunk**  
You want me to own it?? FINE  
I SAID FUCK

 **Lance**  
hholy Shit  
ok so that means I WIN???,?,??????  
U HAVE TO GIVE ME WHATEVER I WANT

 **Hunk**  
See this is why I wanted to deny it

 **Lance**  
if u had held out for just 1 more yr u would be solid dude  
lmaooodhdjdhhd im such a fucking WINNERRRR  
HUNK HOW DOES MY ASS TASTE?

 **Hunk**  
You didn't even have to do anything  
I was the one that couldn't curse asshole!!  
God I've wanted to call you an asshole for five years

 **Lance**  
can u pls curse out loud when u get back to the dorm tonight  
i just wanna post it on every single possible social media i have  
im gonna tell my mom

 **Hunk**  
NO  
COME ON SHE THINKS I'M A GOOD KID

 **Lance**  
relax u know shes chill with cursing  
within respectful boundaries of course

 **Hunk**  
F i n e.  
Do you know what you want as your dumb prize

 **Lance**  
not as of right now  
but just u wait. ill come up with something  
for now i just want to bask in my victory

 **Hunk**  
Again!! You did nothing!!!

 **Lance**  
shhh. shh. u hear that?  
thats the sound of me twerking on a steering wheel

 **Hunk**  
i h8 my lyf

 **Lance**  
hey man  
U were the one that messaged ME  
nobody forced u to curse lindo

 **Hunk**  
I might as well have been forced

 **Lance**  
hmm  
what pushed hunk to his limit?  
dear me dear my i do wonder

 **Hunk**  
I wanna,  
ask Matt out.

 **Lance**  
uM  
WAIT  
DO U MEAN LIKE RIGHT NOW

 **Hunk**  
No I’m not that gutsy  
That’s just what pushed me to my Limit

 **Lance**  
oh ok  
cuz i demand screenshots when it happens

 **Hunk**  
I’m not gonna ask him out over text that’s so douchey

 **Lance**  
well then how the fuck am i supposed to know how it goes

 **Hunk**  
You just gotta believe what I say when I tell you about it

 **Lance**  
thats fucking wack  
record it

 **Hunk**  
Lance.

 **Lance**  
COME ON  
u havent dated since like 10th grade IM EXCITED FOR U

 **Hunk**  
I know you are and I love you for that!  
But I wanna do this right  
I’ll ask him out on Valentine’s day

 **Lance**  
wowwwwwww  
my romantic prowess is rubbing off on u  
im so proud :’’’)

 **Hunk**  
You don’t get to say you have romantic prowess until you ask Keith out

 **Lance**  
i fucking tried to and we all know how that went

 

* * *

**Lance > ROMANTIC HOES**

 

7:52 PM

 **Lance**  
_[voice clip sent]_

 **Allura**  
I’m HOLLERING  
SCREECHING

 **Pidge**  
that audio has got to be distorted

 **Keith**  
Hunk, dude

 **Hunk**  
Yes  
I said fuck

 **Matt**  
OOWWOOOOOOOOO????

 **Hunk**  
Please don’t

 **Matt**  
I’M GONNA PULL A LANCE AND YARF

 **Shiro**  
Seriously?? Two months after I let you keep the Shining Light title???

 **Lance**  
I KNOWWWW AAAAAAAAAAAA  
hunk has succumbed to the undeniable pleasure of cussing

 **Matt**  
Duuuuuuuude  
This is insane!!  
Remember when i asked you to say fuck and you said “never”

 **Hunk**  
Guess What? I Don’t Recall.

 **Pidge**  
a large part of me is proud but another part of me is kind of sad  
the last shred of innocence we had in this group is gone

 **Hunk**  
I don’t curse as much as you

 **Pidge**  
well we don’t KNOW that because you’ve never cursed freely to us before  
next thing you know “fuck” is going to be one fifth of your vocabulary

 **Hunk**  
Oh come on  
...Well, maybe it might

 **Matt**  
A while ago keith sent me that voice clip that lance once sent to you guys  
Where he cursed out loud too  
And it’s funny bc you sound just as bashful as he did

 **Hunk**  
That’s 100% not true  
I exhibit nothing but confidence when I curse

 **Lance**  
i guess we’ll see if thats tru in the future ;)

 **Pidge**  
why do you have that voice clip saved

 **Keith**  
...What

 **Pidge**  
why do you have that voice clip of lance from five months ago saved

 **Keith**  
I  
don’t

 **Lance**  
he wants to hold it over my fucking head  
to rub it in my face that i sound like a grade schooler when i curse

 **Keith**  
I don;t  
I just looked through the conversation and I found it

 **Shiro**  
:^)

 **Keith**  
If you make that face one more fucking time I will beat you up

 

* * *

– Saturday, February 10, 2018, 12:04 PM –

 **_Colleen_ ** _added_ **_Katiebug_ ** _,_ **_Matt_ **

 

 **Colleen**  
hey my loves!!  
call me when you have the time. your dad and I have some big news :) !!

 

– 12:33 PM –

 **Matt**  
Are you pragernante

 **Katiebug**  
are you prognent

 **Matt**  
Porgnant

 **Katiebug**  
mom are you PEGNARTE

 **Matt**  
ARE YOU PREGEGNAT?

 **Colleen**  
why do you two make everything this hard.  
I’m not having a baby!

 **Katiebug**  
thank god  
i mean,, oohhh what a shame :(

 **Matt**  
So then what's up mother o mine  
I’m ready to call if pidge is

 **Katiebug**  
yeah i’m ready

 

– 12:42 PM –

**Call started**

 

– 1:20 PM –

 **Call ended** 38m 4s

 

 **Colleen**  
see you at graduation ;D !

 **Katiebug**  
wait  
mommy send me your new phone #

 **Matt**  
What are you, five? lol

 **Colleen**  
matthew seriously.

 **Matt**  
I’m sorry i love you mommy

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Matthew Holt**

 

3:31 PM

 **pidgeotto**  
so  
should we tell them?

 **bitchface**  
Hmm  
No we should wait until the time is right

 **pidgeotto**  
okay

 

* * *

**Pidge > ROMANTIC HOES**

 

3:35 PM

 **Pidge**  
hello dickheads + allura i have some big news to deliver

 **Matt**  
I should’ve fucking seen this coming

 **Allura**  
What’s going on?

 **Pidge**  
oh nothing at all just that our dad got a job as a professor here at VU and we’re relocating somewhere close to campus when he starts teaching summer classes in may no big deal

 **Lance**  
BITICHCHCH WHAT THE FUXCKKC

 **Hunk**  
You’re lying you’re lying YOU’RE LYING

 **Keith**  
Wow

 **Shiro**  
So now I have to deal with you two in the winter AND summer on top of regular classes?

 **Allura**  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Keith**  
You’re moving down here in a few months?

 **Pidge**  
FUCK YEAH

 **Matt**  
The surprise lasted all of two hours

 **Hunk**  
WOWWWWW  
You guys are gonna be like an hour and a half away from me and Lance

 **Lance**  
u know what that means......;)

 **Pidge**  
chugging vodka down the hatch every fucking night

 **Shiro**  
You shouldn’t even know what vodka is.

 **Pidge**  
allura you better watch your fucking back  
i’m coming to your neighborhood  
maybe not your exact neighborhood but it’ll be close enough

 **Allura**  
THIS IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN

 **Keith**  
Pidge you’re so goddamn fake  
You vowed you’d never be a Floridian at the beginning of last semester

 **Pidge**  
that was before you guys became my friends

 **Shiro**  
Pidge...

 **Matt**  
I’m crying

 **Hunk**  
I’m crying too and it’s your fault Pidge

 **Lance**  
i was born crying

 **Keith**  
That’s how everyone’s born?

 **Lance**  
keith if u cramp my style one more time ur gonna fucking get it

 **Pidge**  
yeah  
i love you guys and i’m genuinely happy that i won’t be too far away anymore

 **Matt**  
I actually second that?  
You're all heathens, but like.....loveable heathens?  
Except allura  
Allura’s perfect

 **Allura**  
You’re perfect too Matt :)

 **Matt**  
I love one (1) british person

 **Allura**  
And Pidge...you’re making me relive Thanksgiving  
You’re making me too soft!!!

 **Shiro**  
I can also confidently say you’ve thawed my cold, tired heart.

 **Hunk**  
I love you guys too  
Pidge I’m running to your dorm right now I’m gonna hug the crap out of you

 **Pidge**  
can you maybe not

 **Lance**  
im coming with him

 **Pidge**  
CAN YOU MAYBE NOT

 **Lance**  
How Bout We Do Anyway?

 

* * *

**hunkle > science sluts**

 

5:05 PM

 **hunkle**  
For the record I think it’s absolutely cursed that you found out you’re moving down here after lamenting how you’d have to go back after grad school

 **matte**  
What can i say  
The universe works in mysterious ways  
It’s gonna be exciting  
Waking up to an alligator in my backyard and all that jazz

 **hunkle**  
You’ve gone to school here for four years and that still hasn’t happened to you yet??

 **pidger**  
i’ve not laid eyes on a single real alligator once since i started college and i’ve gotta say. i’m fucking disappointed

 **hunkle**  
It’ll happen eventually  
Lance found a baby alligator in his pool once in middle school and he and his sister tried to keep it as a pet until it pooped in their kitchen a few hours later  
And then his mom found it and set it free

 **matte**  
Did they name it??

 **hunkle**  
It was Gordito or something

 **pidger**  
RIP GORDITO

 **matte**  
We’re gonna have a gordito one day

 **pidger**  
lance is the greatesTW, 67/,//kdjk  
if lance could keep his fucking paws off my phone maybe i’d tolerate living near him soon

 **matte**  
Tell him i said what’s up shmexy

 **hunkle**  
hey sugarboi  <3  
get it bc sugar is white lol  
Okay that’s enough for today

 **matte**  
Love that man

 **pidger**  
inexplicably endure a friendship with that man

 **matte**  
So did keith say anything else to you about us moving

 **pidger**  
no  
but i don’t care.

 **hunkle**  
You do care  
You’re typing with that look on your face  
The scary one

 **pidger**  
his reaction just underwhelmed me  
maybe it’s just the way he types that felt kinda...flat  
but he was the only one that didn’t respond when i told everyone i loved them

 **hunkle**  
:(((

 **matte**  
Maybe he’s just busy right now?

 **pidger**  
nah  
it’s 5 p.m. on a saturday  
he hasn’t got class or work today  
so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **hunkle**  
Don’t worry  
I think he’ll come through

 **pidger**  
yeah whatever

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Katelyn Holt**

 

6:22 PM

 **red light**  
Hey

 **green light**  
hey  
do you need something

 **red light**  
I just  
Um  
I would feel uncomfortable saying this out loud so  
I just want you to know I love you  
I have some...trouble expressing that and I’m sorry  
You’re my best friend  
And I’m really happy that you’re happy  
You deserve it  
So yeah  
That’s it I guess

 **green light**  
i fukc i ng Hate yuo

 _green light called red light._ _  
_ _12 mins 25 secs_

 **red light**  
All that snot was kinda gross

 **green light**  
mine or yours

 **red light**  
Fuck you

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> regarding the next chapter, if you're into klance all i gotta say is: strap the fuck in


	19. valentine's day type beat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)

* * *

**Matt > ROMANTIC HOES**

 

FEB 13 AT 4:26 PM

 **Matt** **  
** Yes hello 911 i’d like to report an annoyance

 **Lance** **  
** wh **  
** i didnt even,,

 **Matt** **  
** So this loser is at my dorm right,

 **Lance** **  
** SIGH

 **Matt** **  
** and he loses his phone in the span of 15 seconds  
And after i call it so he could find it  
I see my contact come up in his phone as “country crock” with six peach emojis

 **Pidge** **  
** bsfnzlskmdxlf7d

 **Keith** **  
** Is that your way of saying Matt has a buttery ass

 **Pidge** **  
** i"m fuckjNG going home i’ve HAD ENOUGH

 **Shiro** **  
** If that's what Matt’s contact is saved as, I’m...kind of scared to ask what mine is.

 **Allura** **  
** I know mine is “princess 💦💦"

 **Lance** **  
** u fuckin know it  
shiro urs is just ur name  
and pidge is in my phone as “chaotic neutral"

 **Shiro** **  
** Good fucking god.

 **Hunk** **  
** Okay watch your language Shiro this is a family friendly chat

 **Shiro** **  
** Good fucking g*d.

 **Pidge** **  
** the amount of respect i have for you right now is unspeakable

 **Keith** **  
** What am I saved as??

 **Lance** **  
** lmao do u really wanna know

 **Keith** **  
** Well I’m asking

 **Pidge** **  
** i’ve seen it **  
** it's just your name with 🍆🧒 next to it

 **Hunk** **  
** I still don't understand it tbh

 **Keith** **  
** Why the eggplant

 **Lance** **  
** good question

 **Pidge** **  
** the eggplant is cursed first and foremost

 **Hunk** **  
** OHHH I GET IT  
“DICKHEAD”

 **Allura** **  
** Lance dkfjkfdhfhfj

 **Lance** **  
** HHHABKJFGKJ

 **Keith** **  
** Yeah keysmash away while I kick your ass

 **Lance** **  
** fine fine  
i give u permission to put the poop emoji by my name

 **Keith** **  
** I would if I could

 **Lance** **  
** oh thats right  
u have a fucking android

 **Pidge** **  
** your android discrimination ends today

 **Lance** **  
** i love u guys i truly do but those phones are the bane of my existence **  
** keith id forgive u for having one if it wasnt a goddamn galaxy s3 like THROW THAT SHIT AWAY FAM

 **Keith** **  
** At least I can throw it at your thick ass head and it won't shatter into a billion pieces

 **Allura** **  
** You have a valid point there

 **Lance** **  
** MY HEAD ISNT THICK

 **Allura** **  
** But I raise you this: we have rose gold

 **Hunk** **  
** That's true

 **Shiro** **  
** Using an overrated product for a simple design?

 **Hunk** **  
** But it's so pretty

 **Pidge** **  
** it's a color.

 **Keith** **  
** Why do we always end up having debates about stupid shit like this

 **Lance** **  
** bc we're opinionated people  
are you a waffles/pancakes, tea/coffee, or apple/android gay  
GO  
pancakes, coffee, apple

 **Allura** **  
** Pancakes, tea, Apple

 **Shiro** **  
** Pancakes, coffee, and...both.

 **Pidge** **  
** waffles coffee android

 **Matt** **  
** Oh fuck  
Both, coffee, and android

 **Keith** **  
** Waffles, neither, android

 **Hunk** **  
** Both both and both

 **Lance** **  
** hunk can u stop trying to be a man of the people for one fucking second

 

* * *

**pidger > science sluts**

 

FEB 14 AT 7:24 AM

_pidger has left the group._

**matte** **  
** Wtf

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Katelyn Holt**

 

7:26 AM

 **bitchface** **  
** Why did you leave science sluts?? you're a self proclaimed science slut??

 **pidgeotto** **  
** it's valentine’s day

 **bitchface** **  
** What does that have to do with being a science slut

 **pidgeotto** **  
** i love you and hunk but i have a feeling your unintentional flirting will be more intense than usual and i don't want to endure it

 **bitchface** **  
** Unintentional flirtzbdjdj OKAY FIRST OF ALL  
it's one hundred percent intentional  
And you could’ve just muted the group instead of leaving

 **pidgeotto**  
yeah but then how else would i call attention to you and him being alone

 **bitchface**  
That’s literally diabolical.

 **pidgeotto** **  
** i know i was apprehensive about this before but the whole beating around the bush schtick isn't cute anymore  
please just ask him out

 **bitchface** **  
** There is no schtick!!  
Don't say schtick to me ever again in your life by the way

 **pidgeotto** **  
** well anyway  
have fun with your valentine beau

 **bitchface** **  
** Hunk may be one of my valentines, PLATONICALLY,  
But you are my valentine too, twerp

 **pidgeotto** **  
** gross  
i have killbot phantasm 1 set up, the second controller is waiting and if you don't show up in the next hour i will play through the game myself

 **bitchface** **  
** I’m on my fucking way holy shit

 

* * *

**hunkle > science sluts**

 

8:06 AM

 **hunkle** **  
** What the hell

 **matte** **  
** And then there were 2

 **hunkle** **  
** Why’d they leave?  
They won't answer my messages  
THEY JUST LEFT ME ON READ

 **matte** **  
** Man who knows :/  
So how are you spending valentine’s

 **hunkle** **  
** What tf!!  
I’m going on five consecutive dates with Lance

 **matte** **  
** Everyone already knows that  
What else is going on in the life of love that you live

 **hunkle** **  
** I’m calling my parents and sister today

 **matte** **  
** I’m calling mine today too wow  
It's like we’re twins!!1!

 **hunkle** **  
** You're acting weird

 **matte** **  
** I most certainly am am not  
I mean,; I didn't mean to type 2 am’s  
I’m nkt  
Not acting weird!!

 **hunkle** **  
** Sure dude

 **matte** **  
** I’m NOT  
I act like this everyday

 **hunkle** **  
** Maybe in person but not through text

 **matte** **  
** That's insulting

 **hunkle** **  
** Listen, I wanted to ask you something

 **matte** **  
** Uhuh yeah go ahead

 **hunkle** **  
** Do you want to meet me by the fountain after the club today?  
At like 4:30  
To hang out

 **matte** **  
** Oh, yeah of course  
Who else is gonna be there

 **hunkle** **  
** Just me

 **matte** **  
** Haha  
cool

 **hunkle** **  
** I’ll see you then?

 **matte** **  
** Yep :-)

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Lance McClain**

 

8:46 AM

 **Hunk** **  
** oKay I did it now you have to fucking REWARD ME WITH HUGS FOR MY COURAGE

 

9:38 AM

 **Lance** **  
** U ASKED HIM OUT

 

10:16 AM

 **Hunk** **  
** God no I just asked him to meet up with me later

 **Lance** **  
** why the fuck am i awake then  
oh keith just msged me  
lol thats why

 **Hunk** **  
** You're the fakest friend ever this is unbelievable  
After the club today I’m reducing our cuddle time by one hour

 **Lance** **  
** the neglect is ALIVE AND REAL

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

10:18 AM

 **keith** **  
** Hey  
Are you awake yet

 

10:21 AM

 **lance** **  
** hey mulletman  
whats up

 **keith** **  
** You have any plans for today?

 **lance** **  
** dsjdjldj why do u ask

 

10:26 AM

 **keith** **  
** I want to take you somewhere

 **lance** **  
** OHO?  
where!!

 **keith** **  
** You ever been stargazing

 **lance** **  
** i used to a lot  
but that kinda stopped once i started college last semester  
so youre gonna take me stargazing?

 **keith** **  
** Yeah, I mean  
You're really passionate about your astronomy major and all  
So I just figured

 **lance** **  
** im absolutely down for it  
but there arent exactly a lot of stargazing spots around this area??

 **keith** **  
** I know a place

 **lance** **  
** sounds ominous  
keith this is a really romantic venture  
if i didnt know any better id say you had the hots for me ;)

 **keith** **  
** Shut the fuck up

 **lance** **  
** alright gotdamn!!

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

10:34 AM

 **Keith** **  
** I’m gonna fucking THROW UP

 **Shiro** **  
** Why is this the first thing I wake up to.

 

* * *

**Shay Balmera > Allura Altea**

 

9:59 AM

 **Shay** **  
** happy valentine’s day :)  
i love you!

 

10:31 AM

 **Allura** **  
** Stop being so fucking beautiful  
I love you more

 **Shay** **  
** nonsense  
i’m determined to outlove you today.

 **Allura** **  
** That’s impossible  
Besides!  
I have a surprise for you

 **Shay** **  
** what!!  
what is it?

 **Allura** **  
** _[image sent]_ _  
_ ;)

 **Shay** **  
** OH MY GOD

 

* * *

**Pidge > ROMANTIC HOES**

 

10:42 AM

 **Pidge** **  
** i literally just saw allura walk to shay’s dorm holding a bouquet of tulips and wearing a giant sign over her chest that said “I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND" and honestly,

 **Hunk** **  
** Allura PLEASWEHSJDJDJ

 **Pidge** **  
** wlw are so fucking powerful

 **Allura** **  
** Just wanted to remind the world, is all.

 **Shiro**  
Leave it to you to go above and beyond.  
You’re doing amazing, sweetie.

 **Matt**  
Please tell me you’re gonna wear that all day

 **Allura**  
;)

 **Keith**  
This is the power couple that we need

 

* * *

**Allura > GSA Season 2**

 

3:12 PM

 **Allura** **  
** In case it wasn't obvious today, I love my girlfriend

 **Lotor** **  
** It was obvious.

 **Lance** **  
** shut the fuck up

 **Shay** **  
** i love my girlfriend even more.

 **Allura** **  
** I love mine to the moon

 **Shay** **  
** i love mine times infinity.

 **Allura** **  
** I LOVE MINE ACROSS THE UNIVERSE 😚😍

 **Shay** **  
** i love mine beyond eternity!!!!! 💕💖💘💗💖💓💖💘

 **Lotor** **  
** Do you really have to do this in the groupchat.

 **Allura** **  
** Yes, you horrible loaf of wonderbread

 **Pidge** **  
** allura i stan you

 **Nyma** **  
** i stan you too

 **Rolo** **  
** I don't usually stan people but  
Gotta follow my heart  
I stan you

 **Lance** **  
** lotor. riddle me this

 **Lotor** **  
** Fucking lord.

 **Lance** **  
** why havent i seen u making any grand gestures for ur girlfriend today

 **Lotor** **  
**...Are you referring to Acxa?

 **Lance** **  
** Yes, I am referring to Acxa.

 **Keith** **  
** Jesus christ

 **Lotor** **  
** Acxa and I aren't together.

 **Lance** **  
** what  
i couldve sworn

 **Keith** **  
** Acxa’s dating Ezor

 **Lance** **  
** oh thank god

 **Lotor** **  
** What the hell?

 **Lance** **  
** sorry id just feel really bad for anyone dating u

 **Lotor** **  
** That's funny.  
Hilarious.

 **Shay** **  
** i don't blame him lol :)

 **Lotor** **  
** What?

 **Shay** **  
** what?

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Katelyn Holt**

 

4:26 PM

 **bitchface** **  
** PIDGE I’M GONNA FUCKING THROW UP

 **pidgeotto** **  
** did he ask for your hand in marriage what the fuck is going on

 **bitchface** **  
** I’m not even at the fountain yet  
I’m just jxlzjdlzkzmzkdkl

 **pidgeotto** **  
** one minute you're all suave with him and the next you're like a blushy anime girl

 **bitchface** **  
** IT'S EASY TO BE SUAVE WHEN HE'S NOT EXPECTING IT  
THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT EFFECTIVE  
I DON'T KNOW  
I just lose my composure whenever it actually...seems like he likes me back

 **pidgeotto** **  
** matthew elizabeth holt

 **bitchface** **  
** Can you actually stop talking

 **pidgeotto** **  
** you yourself said it's evident that he feels the same way  
don't lose your nerve

 **bitchface** **  
** Ugh  
I hate when you call me out like that

 **pidgeotto** **  
** go get your mans

 **bitchface** **  
** Seriously please stop talking

 

* * *

**delicioso > brown & beautiful**

 

5:10 PM

 **delicioso** **  
** @Hunk Garrett its been half an hour have u asked him out yet  
MORE IMPORTANTLY HAVE U GOTTEN IT ON VIDEO

 **queen** **  
** I’m so excited!!!!!

 **shae** **  
** go hunk!! i believe in you!! :D

 **delicioso** **  
** COME ON  
@Hunk Garrett  
JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE UPDATE

 **queen** **  
** Maybe they're making out already

 **delicioso** **  
** if he makes out with matt before letting his best friend know then what kind of best friend is he

 **shae** **  
** it's love lance! you can't rush it.

 **delicioso** **  
** FUCK shay ur right

 **queen**  
Of course this comes from the girl that pined for 2 YEARS

 **shae**  
you will never get past that, will you.

 **queen**  
BECAUSE IF YOU HAD JUST CONFESSED WE COULD HAVE BEEN CANOODLING THREE YEARS AGO

 **delicioso**  
dont say canoodling thats kinky

 

6:14 PM

 **itshunkbaybee** **  
** Heyy guys

 **delicioso** **  
** god what the FUCK  
WHAT HAPPENED

 **itshunkbaybee** **  
** Well

 **queen** **  
**!!!!!!!!

 **itshunkbaybee** **  
** We hung out  
Aaand that's it

 **queen** **  
**??????

 **delicioso** **  
** what happened?

 **itshunkbaybee** **  
** I couldn't do it  
I don't know  
The moment I told myself I was gonna do it I looked into his eyes and then all of a sudden I just felt  
Terrified

 **delicioso** **  
** this is very anticlimactic  
but dude its ok, really

 **shae** **  
** you're still the bravest person i know. we love you :)

 **queen** **  
** She only speaks the truth

 **itshunkbaybee** **  
** Binch!! I love you guys more  
And thanks  
I felt kinda shitty after it all went down, but we didn't separate on bad terms

 **delicioso** **  
** thats good!!  
come back to the dorm so we can continue cuddling and u can talk to me all about it

 **itshunkbaybee** **  
****🙀  
** I'm On My Way.

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Hunk Garrett**

 

6:36 PM

 **Matt** **  
** You left your gummy worms in my bag

 **Hunk** **  
** Oh crap  
I was really looking forward to eating them :(  
I’ll pick them up tomorrow

 **Matt** **  
** No need  
I’ll bring them to you

 **Hunk** **  
** Thanks you're my hero

 **Matt** **  
** Yeah no it's just an excuse for me to tell you i like you tomorrow, but in person

 

6:42 PM

 **Hunk** **  
** Did I read that right.

 **Matt** **  
** I like you

 **Hunk** **  
** Uhhhdhsh

 **Matt** **  
** I’ve had feelings for you for a while now

 **Hunk**  
UHHHH,??@??

 **Matt** **  
** And i was going to tell you today but i kind of chickened out

 **Hunk** **  
** U?H^?&?

 **Matt** **  
** This was just kind of easier  
So yeah. i like you hunk

 **Hunk** **  
** O;kay

 

6:59 PM

 **Hunk** **  
** I’m sorry but was this entire conversation a fucking fever dream

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Takashi Shirogane**

 

7:03 PM

 **Pidge** **  
** hey  
are you alright?

 **father shiro** **  
** Yeah. I’m good.

 **Pidge** **  
** you've just been pretty quiet today

 **father shiro** **  
** I’m alright.

 **Pidge** **  
** are you sure?

 **father shiro** **  
** Of course I am.

 **Pidge** **  
** it's okay if you aren't  
you don't have to be so put together all the time shiro

 **father shiro** **  
** I said I’m fine, Pidge.

 **Pidge** **  
** i know that you aren't  
but i’m not pressuring you to talk about it  
i just want you to be honest

 

7:32 PM

 **father shiro** **  
** I am...not okay.

 **Pidge** **  
** okay  
now we're getting somewhere

 **father shiro** **  
** I’m sorry, I just,  
Seeing Allura and Shay and Keith and everyone else being so in love, it ?,? I don't know.  
I wish I was in love. I just want someone to love, and to love me, you know? And seeing that happen all around me just makes me feel...alone.  
And I feel terrible for feeling that way, but I just wish there was someone I could be in love with on Valentine's Day.

 **Pidge** **  
** woah  
okay that's deep  
but more importantly, VALID  
there are countless other people who feel the same way around this time, don't feel guilty about it  
i understand appeal of romantic companionship, and i know it must be hard to deal with if you crave it  
and don't quote me on this but you're still young and you have so many more people to meet. don't let it discourage you.  
you'll find what you're looking for, because you're far from unlovable

 **father shiro** **  
** It's beyond unfair that you're this good at cheering me up, I should be the pro at this.  
Thank you.

 **Pidge**  
yeah well  
what can i say  
i’m just an enlightened amazing beautiful genius

 **father shiro** **  
** Lance is really starting to rub off on you.

 **Pidge**  
that’s the most insulting thing anyone has ever said to me

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

8:02 PM

 **keith**  
I’m 5 minutes away from your dorm

 **lance**  
awesome!!!!!  
im ready to go  
so is shiro driving us there

 **keith**  
No?  
We’re going on my bike

 **lance**  
........lmao do u mean like a bicycle

 **keith**  
I mean like a motorbike.

 **lance**  
the fact that u sprung this on me last minute is not an accident

 **keith**  
I told you I started driving her last month

 **lance**  
BUT STILL  
i mean,, do u even have 2 helmets??

 **keith**  
Shiro is my brother  
He made sure I had helmets the moment I even conceptualized owning a motorbike.

 **lance**  
thank u father shiro

 **keith**  
I’m outside  
Get in loser we’re going stargazing

 **lance**  
i never shouldve let u watch that movie

 

* * *

 

Keith twirls a dandelion between his fingers, contrasting the stark white against the night sky above him. He holds it up to Lance, who lay shoulder to shoulder by Keith. Despite the dubious look on his face when Keith first led him to the middle of the field, he eventually bathed in his surroundings, and the corners of his mouth turned up when he spotted flickering fireflies and heard crickets chirping.

Keith wiggles the dandelion to get his attention. “Here, blow it.”

Lance snorts. “That's what she said. Or... actually that's what someone said to _her._ I dunno.” Lance tilts his chin and blows. He relaxes back onto the grass as they watch the puffs explode apart and float softly into the cool, humid air.

Keith watches the remaining petals drift back down, gaze following a few that land in Lance’s hair. Lance’s eyes are soft and there's a ghost of a smile on his face, like he might actually be enjoying himself. He closes his eyes and for a moment, Keith thinks he looks peaceful, but then he opens his mouth.

“God,” Lance groans, “The grass is so moist. It's getting my hair wet.”

“Will you stop complaining?” Keith grouses, looking back up at the sky.

“I am enjoying the view, at least,” Lance admits. He brings his arms up and crosses them behind his head.

“I told you I knew where to stargaze.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lance dismisses. “You found a field and told me to lie in it. Big deal.”

Keith frowns, then makes to stand up. “If you just wanna leave–”

Lance grabs his hand in a flash and yanks him back down. He falls onto his bottom with an ‘oof’. “Nope! We’re not going anywhere!”

Keith stares at him. He slowly lies back down, squaring his shoulders and keeping a keen eye on the moon. After a moment of studying the vague dark blotches on the its surface, he bristles when Lance doesn't release his hand.

“You don’t have to keep–” Keith's throat seizes up when Lance’s grip tightens. “... holding on.”

Lance has not made eye contact thus far, and it doesn't seem like he will any time soon. But he makes no move to let go. “We could be like otters. Otters are the ones that hold hands in the water, right? Yeah. So that they don't lose each other. Except we’re people. And the water is the grass.”

“We wouldn't lose each other in an open field,” Keith says, even though he knows that Lance already knows that.

“Worms do it all the time,” Lance insists, “In grass, I mean. They lose each other.”

“Even if worms had families–”

“Everything has a family!”

“–they dig through the dirt, not the grass.”

“That's...” Lance trails off, considering. He sighs in frustration. “So grasshoppers, then! They lose each other in the grass.”

“I think they're called grasshoppers because they know how to navigate through the grass.”

“What the hell are you, an insectologist?”

“Entomologist.”

“How do you even know that word?” Lance demands. “Did you learn it knowing that you'd use it to make me sound _dumb?”_

Keith smirks, training his eye on a particularly bright star above. “Maybe.”

“I knew it.” Lance scrunches his nose up childishly. “Your life’s mission is to antagonize me.”

“Or vice versa,” Keith suggests.

“Yeah.” Keith pulls out of his grasp, and just as Lance is about to yell a mock-offended quip to mask his disappointment, Keith rears back and intertwines their fingers. Lance’s heart pumps rapidly against his ribcage. “That's possible, too,” he says weakly.

Keith wills his face not to move and settles for grilling the poor, unassuming star in the lower left corner of the sky with a frigid scowl (he remembers Lance telling him it was a planet but can't remember which one it was for the life of him) to distract himself from the blood running wild under his skin. Holding Lance’s hand is like gripping the handles of his bike, speeding on the road, watching the trees and houses and lights fly past him–

In short, exhilarating.

“It's kinda funny,” Lance blurts, “how you totally bombed the answer to that list of traits I gave you.”

Keith's stomach sinks. He tries not to sound too displeased when he asks, “About the person you like?”

“Yep,” Lance chirps, and begins tracing an obscure constellation with his eyes.

Keith follows his gaze, but the stars just confuse him. He vaguely remembers a few constellations from what Shiro would tell him when he first started studying aviation, but most of them never really stuck. He can't see the shapes that Lance does, and he briefly wonders how Lance can even keep track of so many constellations. “I think you just like somebody that I don't know.”

Lance’s smile grows a little wider. “You actually happen to know them very well. Like... you're almost the _same_ person.”

Keith turns his head and looks at Lance. Still staring up at the stars. His eyes are moving like he's searching, but Keith gets the feeling he's already found everything he's looking for.

Then it finally clicks.

He freezes, and his blood runs cold. And then–No, no. That can't be true, because Lance is different and radiant and breathtaking, and Keith is the opposite, full of barriers and enmity. And maybe it’s the moonlight that’s making him feel weirdly optimistic, but some part of him is focusing intently on the way Lance’s skin shot up at least ten degrees after he last spoke. The other part is pulling up every single memory of Lance’s initial crush on Shiro, his brief fling with Nyma, how he used to be in love with Allura, and the possibility seems so far away. And yet... it feels true. More than that, he _wants_ it to be true.

Keith swallows. “Maybe... one day you'll be comfortable enough to tell me who it is.”

Lance’s smile screams panic and uncertainty, but oddly something akin to acceptance. “I think I just did,” he says quietly, moreso to himself than to Keith.

Keith pretends like he doesn't hear it, just focuses on Lance’s soft palm against his, and how every now and then Lance will flex his fingers, as if trying to feel every part of Keith's hand. Moonlight is a good look on Lance. His eyes shine and the shadows outline the sharp curve of his jaw, and Keith thinks of how he wants to lean over and kiss him, still with their hands laced.

The closeness reminds him of how it felt to have Lance’s arms wrapped around him for the ride to the field, of when he muffled a scream into Keith’s shoulder when he snickered, revved the engine and sped up by a few miles per hour.

At a stoplight, Keith had turned his head and said, “We’ll take it slow on the way back.”

Lance was still leaning on his shoulder. “I’m going to murder you. With my bare hands. And when the police ask me why I did it, I’ll–” A shriek ripped from his throat when Keith hurtled them forward just as the light turned green. “I’ll tell them that you subjected me to fifteen minutes of _torture!”_ he cried with his eyes squeezed shut.

Now, Keith isn’t sure whether Lance thinks the ride was worth it to sit here and listlessly stare at dots in the sky, but Lance loves space and the ocean, and this was about the closest thing he could think of to one of the two. And truth be told, the adrenaline of the ride is still running pretty high, so Keith takes a leap.

“I like someone, too,” he says into the quiet air. Lance tenses up--Keith knows he does because his fingers stiffen like a body in rigor mortis.

His voice comes out mechanically. “Huh. Never really pictured you as a romance kinda guy.”

Keith shrugs, or tries to with what little space his shoulders have. “I’m gay on all spectrums.”

Lance huffs out a laugh, then he takes a slow breath. “So,” he says, and although he sounds casual, Keith can detect a slight tremor in his voice, “Who’s the oh-so-lucky guy?”

“You’d hate him,” Keith chuckles. “He’s always getting on my nerves and he has a tendency to be dramatic about everything.”

Lance is quiet for almost two whole minutes, so Keith shoves his heart from his throat back into his chest and sneaks a glance.

Lance’s eyebrows are pinched in thought, and then he loudly guesses, “Is it that weird dude from Health Ed? The one that always sits outside of class to finish his bag of chips?”

Keith squints in disbelief. Belatedly, his brain catches up onto how the universe must be laughing in his fucking face.

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

10:21 PM

 **Shiro**  
Hey.  
How’d it go with Lance?

 **Keith**  
I honestly have no fucking clue what just happened

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if it wasnt glaringly obvious, this was my first time writing klance, so i hope it was semi-enjoyable at least?? 
> 
> so keith knows that lance likes him now. and literally has no idea what to do


	20. hatt's out of the bag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so season 6 happened. and im permanently traumatized
> 
> but anyway. HAVE THIS

* * *

**pidge > disaster gays**

 

FEB 15 AT 2:24 PM

_pidge created a poll: should i beat up matt, hunk, or both._

_shiro voted “Neither.”_

_allura voted “both”_

_keith voted “How do I add anoyher optiojnn,”_

_keith changed their vote to “Matt”_

**allura**  
Why do you want Matt to get pummeled

 **keith**  
Because Hunk doesn’t deserve it but I still wanna see somebody get knocked out

 **shiro**  
Why does violence have to be an option?

 **pidge**  
because we’re living in the real world shiro

 **shiro**  
Right.  
How have things been...going, regarding that situation?

 **pidge**  
matt came to my dorm after giving the gummy worms to hunk, pulled out a flask, and sat in the corner of the room while sipping it through a bendy straw

 **keith**  
Yeah he’s fucking done for

 **allura**  
Hunk hasn’t stopped screaming  
Look at my notifications!  
_[image sent]_

 **pidge**  
jesus christ  
he’s keysmashing like he has nothing to live for

 **shiro**  
Matt’s also been blowing up my inbox.  
But he’s just sending memes about having depression and anxiety at the same time.

 **pidge**  
sounds right

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Matthew Holt**

 

2:55 PM

 **shiro666**  
Are you sure you’re okay.

 **matt420**  
_[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_  
ya I’m lit

 **shiro666**  
Yeah, I bet.  
So, you never actually explained what happened when you talked to him.

 **matt420**  
_[image sent]_  
Details are such a miniscule part of life  
I like to focus on the bigger picture  
_[image sent]_

 **shiro666**  
Is that so?

 **matt420**  
ok fuck  
You’re so FUCKING persuasive shiro i don’t know how you’re so good at getting me to crack

 **shiro666**  
Yeah neither do I.

 **matt420**  
I gave the gummy worms to him and then said i liked him  
and he said “cool”  
and then i said “sweet”  
and then he said “awesome sauce”  
Shiro WHAT DOES THTA MEAN

 **shiro666**  
That means you’re both hopeless.

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

3:08 PM

 **Lance**  
buddy i love u but ur making my phone lag and i need it to read my textbook for class

 **Hunk**  
KAJFW;FJQ3JR0;LF[DL-T4G3O  
Oh sorry

 **Lance**  
why didnt u just ask him out  
once again, U HAD THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY

 **Hunk**  
Because I’m?? a useless gay??

 **Lance**  
same  
but ur just using that as an excuse

 **Hunk**  
Fine  
Do you dare me to do it.

 **Lance**  
..........wat

 **Hunk**  
Oh my god  
I can’t believe you’re daring me to do this

 **Lance**  
im not

 **Hunk**  
Lance you’re absolutely batshit dude

 **Lance**  
btich wtf

 **Hunk**  
This is crazy I can’t believe you  
My blood is on your hands

 **Lance**  
I DIDNT FORCE U TO DO THIS

 **Hunk**  
I’m gonna do it and it’s your fault bye.

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Matthew Holt**

 

3:35 PM

 **Hunk**  
HEY

 **Matt**  
Hi what hte fuck

 **Hunk**  
IM TAKING YOU OUT TONIGHT IS THAT COOL

 **Matt**  
SWeet bro

 **Hunk**  
AWESOME SAUCE

 

3:48 PM

 **Matt**  
You’re gonna  
take me out,,, where exactly

 **Hunk**  
I uh  
I didn’t think I’d get this far actually

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Hunk Garrett**

 

5:24 PM

 **katieperry**  
dude you haven’t talked to me all day!!  
take a deep breath  
i don’t hate you or anything

 **hunkydory**  
Oh thank god  
I was kinda scared to approach you after Matt said the Words That Shan’t Be Spoken

 **katieperry**  
yeah don’t worry about it  
you have my blessing  
besides i already did your background check a week before i introduced you to matt

 **hunkydory**  
You did what

 **katieperry**  
have fun on your date

 

* * *

**Allura Altea > Keith Kogane**

 

6:05 PM

 **Allura** **  
** You still haven't told me what happened when you took Lance to the field!!

 

6:19 PM

 **Keith** **  
** My bad  
I was sleepimg

 **Allura** **  
** No problem. I definitely won't disintegrate you

 **Keith** **  
** I think  
Lance likes me

 **Allura** **  
** ..,.,...Whaaaaaaat :o  
No wayyy  
I mean, how are you sure?

 **Keith** **  
** I’m not  
I’m just...going out on a limb here  
You know him well, don't you?

 **Allura** **  
** Of course  
You could also go to Hunk, you know  
He knows Lance better than anyone

 **Keith** **  
** He's also Lance’s best friend  
Like Pidge once said, a liability

 **Allura** **  
** Oh right!! That's true

 **Keith** **  
** I just want your objective opinion  
Do you think he might have feelings for me?

 **Allura** **  
** Hahshaha  
Well what does my opinion matter anyhow??!?  
This is about you Keith!!  
You must forge your own path with Lance, regardless of how I or anyone else may view it

 **Keith** **  
** So...what you're saying is  
I should handle this the same way I deal with all my other problems

 **Allura** **  
** Uh

 **Keith** **  
** Tackling it head on.

 **Allura** **  
** Well that's one way to do it, but

 **Keith** **  
** Okay I got it

 **Allura** **  
** Wait,  
Keith.  
KEITH

 

7:01 PM

 **Keith** **  
** Nevermind fuck that shit

 **Allura** **  
** Wow Moodeth

 **Keith** **  
** I physically cannot tell him I like him.

 **Allura** **  
** Alright my love, hypothetically, if I had any advice to give, I'd say to beat Lance at his own game

 **Keith** **  
** Meaning..?

 **Allura** **  
** Catch him at his most vulnerable and then put The Moves on him

 **Keith** **  
** You're saying I should,,,flirt with him

 **Allura** **  
** I did not say that at all  
I was being hypothetical ;)

 **Keith** **  
** ...Okay.  
If this kills me in next few weeks you're in charge of my funeral

 **Allura** **  
** Don't worry. I’ll play Rasputin on a loop for as long as possible right by your casket.

 **Keith** **  
** I’m so platonically in love with you

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Matthew Holt**

 

9:56 PM

 **pidgeotto**  
hey  
how was the date

 **bitchface**  
He made me laugh so hard i inhaled a piece of bread and he had to perform the heimlich on me in the middle of the coffee shop  
It was perfect

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

FEB 20 AT 8:07 PM

 **lance**  
hunk is a lovesick idiot i swear to god

 **keith**  
Well aren’t you the same  
Considering you have a crush too

 **lance**  
yeah but im cool and suave  
hunk is The Opposite

 **keith**  
Cool and suave huh?  
If that’s so, then why is Hunk dating his crush and not you

 

8:32 PM

 **lance**  
THATS DIFFERENT

 **keith**  
Not really

 **lance**  
YES REALLY

 **keith**  
Nope

 **lance**  
ur just trying to provoke me and it wont work.

 **keith**  
Not trying to provoke anything  
Just stating the cold hard facts

 **lance**  
look man!! its  
complicated

 **keith**  
Complicated how?

 **lance**  
complicated as in im 99.9% sure they dont feel the same

 **keith**  
Why wouldn’t they  
You’re cute.

 **lance**  
wwhat  
im wh  
huh??

 **keith**  
You’re cute?  
I’m sure they like you

 **lance**  
u thnk im cute

 **keith**  
I think you’re more than cute  
Is that enough motivation to ask them out?

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

8:47 PM

 **Lance**  
hunk pkeaserespond NOW PLELALSEPE RESPOND  
BITCH!!  
RESPOND!!  
I KNW UR SEEING THESE MSGS

 

8:52 PM

 **Lance**  
HUNKHMKHMK  
reSPOND1!!!!!  
URGENT!!!  
GOD WHERE THE FUCK ARE U

 

9:03 PM

 **Hunk**  
I WAS IN CLASS  
YOU KNOW MY SCHEDULE BY HEART WHY WOULD THIS SURPRISE YOU  
What happened????

 **Lance**  
_[image sent]_

 **Hunk**  
BROOOOOOOOOOO

 **Lance**  
I KNOWWWWWW

 **Hunk**  
OMGGGGG

 **Lance**  
I WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!! OFFICIALLY!!!!!!!!

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

8:42 PM

 **Keith**  
_[image sent]_  
SHIRO DID I SOUND SMOOTH

 

8:53 PM

 **Shiro**  
Your attempts at flirting are so cute!  
Oh sorry, I meant more than cute.

 **Keith**  
Block me.

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

FEB 24 AT 10:11 PM

 **keith**  
Wanna come with me to the library tomorrow

 **lance**  
why r u texting me past 10

 **keith**  
My bad  
Forgot that you’re borderline sleep-drunk around this time

 **lance**  
yea ill go to the library w u

 **keith**  
Incredible

 **lance**  
shut up  
i wanna be academical and stuff this semester

 **keith**  
Why the change of heart

 **lance**  
bc if i fail i have to pay for my classes out of pocket

 **keith**  
Oh yea  
Just College Student Things

 **lance**  
im too tired to be proud that u made a joke  
what are u gonna work on tmrw

 **keith**  
Don’t really have any close deadlines so nothing for now  
Just wanted some quiet time

 **lance**  
im not exactly a quiet dude

 **keith**  
It’s a library  
You’re supposed to be quiet

 **lance**  
ohhhh thats STRATEGIC KEITH  
bring the loudest guy u know to a library without anything to distract him  
torture much?

 **keith**  
You’ll live

 **lance**  
if i spend some quiet time with u  
i want something in return.......;)

 **keith**  
Am I gonna regret asking what

 **lance**  
COME TO MY DORM AFTER THE LIBRARY AND DO A FACE MASK WITH ME

 **keith**  
Not happening.

 

* * *

**Lance > ROMANTIC HOES**

 

FEB 25 AT 3:45 PM

 **Lance**  
_[image sent]_  
BEAUTIFUL BOYS AT UR SERVICE

 **Allura**  
Keith you did not........

 **Lance**  
oh he did ;DDDDD

 **Pidge**  
i’ve never seen a look so dead in keith’s eyes

 **Allura**  
You put Brazened Honey on him?? THAT’S YOUR FAVORITE  
YOU WON’T EVEN LET ME USE THAT ONE

 **Lance**  
bc u dont need it!!  
keith, on the other hand, with 19 yrs worth of motor oil in his pores,

 **Keith**  
Somebody end my fucking misery

 **Shiro**  
You two are so precious :^)  
Brazened Honey, huh?

 **Keith**  
I can’t move my face

 **Lance**  
ur being so dramatic  
u guys dont know how long it took to get him to stop frowning while i was putting the mask on him

 **Keith**  
Don’t know why I couldn’t just do it myself but okay

 **Lance**  
u dont have the razzle dazzle hands to work that mixture babe

 **Keith**  
Work my foot up your ass

 **Lance**  
nkkgjkl,KDF

 **Hunk**  
Keith SNAPPED

 **Allura**  
Keith you UNGRATEFUL TWIT

 **Hunk**  
You just called Keith babe!!  
That’s...............gay

 **Lance**  
i used it as a term of endearment

_Pidge named the group LANCE CALLED KEITH BABE._

**Lance**  
STOP  
keith never calls anyone names  
i call ppl babe all the time!  
therefore im exempt

 **Hunk**  
Is he allowed to do that

 **Pidge**  
at least they're even now i guess

 **Allura**  
I’ll let it pass

_Pidge named the group ROMANTIC HOES._

**Lance**  
thx

 **Keith**  
Wtf  
You guys just let him off the hook so easily

 **Lance**  
i keep telling u that im literally too amazing to have anything held against me but u dont wanna believe it

 **Allura**  
I’m a bit too mentally tired to milk the situation

 **Pidge**  
ditto

 **Hunk**  
Agreed

 **Shiro**  
Me too.

 **Lance**  
shiro ur always mentally tired

 **Shiro**  
Don't call me out like that.

 **Keith**  
In other news, you all fucking suck  
Matt's my only friend now

 **Pidge**  
where tf is he anyway

 **Hunk**  
@Matthew Holt

 **Keith**  
Wht  
Did you just tag him

 **Matt**  
What's up

 **Allura**  
What in the world!!

 **Matt**  
Oh you guys look super hot in your masks

 **Lance**  
we know

 **Pidge**  
where in heck’s name have you been all day

 **Matt**  
A bitch can't take a shit

 **Shiro**  
Somebody please change the subject.

 **Lance**  
the timer i put for the masks just went off and i havent seen keith that relieved since hunk told him crab apples dont have crab meat in them

 **Shiro**  
So why the hell are they called crab apples???

 **Lance**  
_[image sent]_  
get a load of this guy  
doesnt he look so beautiful after rinsing off the mask??  
absolutely glowing. radiant.  
and keiths there too

 **Pidge**  
no lie i have literally never seen keith’s forehead before

 **Lance**  
me neither  
it blinded me

 **Shiro**  
Jeez. Must be a full moon tonight.

_Keith Kogane removed Shiro._

**Allura** **  
** KEITHTJ

 **Keith**  
Finally. The evil has been defeated.

 

* * *

**matte > science sluts**

 

FEB 27 AT 12:59 PM

 **matte** **  
** Good afternoon  
What's cookin good lookin ;)

 **hunkle** **  
** Eggs and toast  
.....Hotstuff

 **matte** **  
** !!!!!!!!!!  
HUNK DO YOU LIKE ME OR SOMETHING? YOU GOT A FUCKING CRUSH?

 **hunkle** **  
** Hell Yes I Do  
IS THAT A PROBLEM?

 **matte** **  
** MAYBE

 **hunkle** **  
** Too bad  
Can I come see you after class  
Kinda wanna hold your hand again

 **matte** **  
** Ffffffffuck you  
Yep yeah i’m down for that bro, for sure

 **hunkle** **  
** I’ll say no homo before I take your hand if it makes you feel better

 **matte** **  
** You're so thoughtful and amazing

 **pidger** **  
** i never thought i’d say this but can we please go back to the old afternoon banter

 


	21. nonexistent birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy in the pen dance day

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

FEB 28 AT 9:21 AM

**Shiro**   
Hey, I’m going to be at our regular booth in the cafe.

 

10:02 AM

**Shiro**   
Where are you?   
You’re usually here before ten.

 

10:18 AM

**Shiro**   
Keith??

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Katelyn Holt**

 

10:20 AM

**father shiro** **  
** Hey, is Keith with you?

 

10:24 AM

**father shiro** **  
** Hello??

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Lance McClain**

 

10:35 AM

**papi juan**   
Are you with Keith?   
I ordered a croissant for him and he never showed up to the cafe.

 

10:43 AM

**papi juan** **  
** Please I spent 2.65 on this stupid croissant.

 

* * *

**Shiro > ROMANTIC HOES**

 

10:51 AM

**Shiro**   
None of you are answering my texts!!//!!!

**Lance**   
did u guys hear somethin

**Pidge**   
nope

**Shiro**   
What!!   
AND YOU TWO LEFT ME ON READ.

**Allura**   
It’s almost like an unknown entity is sending messages

**Keith**   
I don’t hear anything

**Shiro**   
KEITH.

**Keith**   
Anyway, I’ll see you guys at the club today

**Lance**   
ditto

**Pidge**   
see you

**Shiro**   
Is anybody else seeing this???   
Hunk?? Matt???

**Hunk**   
Woah   
I think my name was just called out from within the void

**Matt**   
Really? i didn’t hear a thing   
See you guys later!

**Shiro**   
I don’t know what’s going on but I don’t like it.

 

* * *

**allura > disaster gays**

 

10:59 AM

_ allura removed shiro. _

 

* * *

**shining.hunk12 > AOL Instant Messenger.exe**

 

11:00 AM

_ shining.hunk12 removed takatakashixoxo. _

 

* * *

– Wednesday, February 28, 2018, 11:02 AM –

**_in beyonce we trust_ ** _ removed  _ **_Takashi_ ** _ from “This never would’ve happened if you’d just admitted that my gun noises were better than yours Shiro. Seriously my gun noises were the best and you’re all just bitter.” _

 

* * *

**podge > Disgustening. **

 

11:04 AM

_ podge removed shoro.  _

_ podge added Keith Kogane. _

_ lonce set the nickname for Keith Kogane to koith. _

**lonce**   
keith id like to officially welcome u to the bday planning groupchat

**koith**   
Cool   
Heard great things about this group chat

**podge**   
you’re pretty good at keeping secrets, right

**koith**   
Yeah well none of you told me what was going on until this morning so

**allora**   
All you have to do is pretend like Shiro doesn’t exist

**mott**   
Technically he doesn’t for today

**lonce**   
good point

**koith**   
How’s that supposed to work   
We’re eventually gonna see him at the club today

**mott**   
Statement stands: pretend like he doesn’t exist

**honk**   
I still think this a bit cruel   
I mean does he really deserve to be ignored?

**lonce**   
i said it once and ill say it again   
the ends justify the means

**podge**   
hell fucking yeah

**koith**   
So what exactly are the ends?

**lonce**   
ull find out soon enough sugarmunch ;)

**koith**   
Don’t ever fucking call me that again

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

11:10 AM

**Shiro**   
What! Is! Happening!

 

* * *

**Rolo > GSA Season 2**

 

3:11 PM

**Rolo**   
So what the hell was up today

**Allura**   
Whatever do you mean?

**Plaxum**   
Acting like Shiro wasnt there?

**Pidge**   
who

**Lance**   
where

**Keith**   
What’s a Shiro

**Shay**   
i have no recollection of a person named shiro ._.

**Shiro**   
Shay’s in on this??

**Lance**   
DID U GUYS HEAR SOMETHIN

**Pidge**   
NOPE

**Plaxum**   
Lol what is happening

**Nyma**   
tbh i’m just goin with it

**Lotor**   
I don’t see any point in this. 

**Lance**   
i dont see any point in u talking as if ur input is needed

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

5:20 PM

**Shiro**   
...Did I do something wrong?   
Is that why everyone’s ignoring me?   
Please tell me if it was something I did.

 

* * *

**koith > Disgustening.**

 

5:22 PM

**koith**   
Guys I think I’m gonna crack

**lonce**   
NO   
COME ON

**podge**   
just hold out til midnight

**honk**   
Ugh   
This is PAINFUL

**mott**   
Hunk you should be lucky we were on vacation during your birthday   
You got a free pass on this treatment

**honk**   
Don’t remind me   
I would’ve angry-cried

**allora**   
Shiro looked like a kicked puppy today   
It really did hurt my heart

**koith**   
He thinks he did something wrong

**lonce**   
i mean......we DID remove him from every group excluding the clubs   
id think i did something wrong too

**podge**   
i need you guys to get it together and remember what the fuck we’re here for

**mott**   
Jeez

**podge**   
does everyone remember where to meet?

**mott**   
I’m reiterating it   
BE AT THE BUS STOP RIGHT OUTSIDE CAMPUS AT 11:30 ON THE DOT   
MY CAR WILL BE PARKED BESIDE IT   
I WILL NOT WAIT FOR LATECOMERS

**honk**   
Hey!!

**mott**   
Except for u baby ;*

**honk**   
:$

**podge**   
eugh

**lonce**   
yeah we’ll be on the lookout for an ugly ass volvo

**mott**   
Have fun walking

**lonce**   
HUNK

**honk**   
>:(

**mott**   
Fine. he can come

**honk**   
:)

**allora**   
Fantastic!    
Keith did you put the alarm on Shiro’s phone?

**koith**   
Yeah   
Wasn’t hard to snatch it. He barely ever touches his phone if he doesn’t need to make a call

**lonce**   
god

**podge**   
now all we have to do is wait.

**lonce**   
GOD

**honk**   
Won’t be a problem for me   
I still gotta put the last layer of icing over the cake anyway

**koith**   
I’m gonna take a nap   
See yall later

**allora**   
See you, space cowboy

**lonce**   
sad yeehaw

**mott**   
*Tips cowboy hat in respect*

**koith**   
Wow can you guys actually shut the fuck up

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

11:58 PM

**Shiro**   
Kkeith what the SHIT.   
Did you put an alarm on my phone.

**Keith**   
Huh   
What are you talking about

**Shiro**   
An alarm just rang from my phnoe at max volume with the title “Rise Little Bitch.”

**Keith**   
:)

**Shiro**   
WHAT.   
DID YOU JSUT SEND A SMILEY FACE.??

**Keith**   
;)

 

* * *

**Pidge > ROMANTIC HOES**

 

MAR 1 AT 12:00 AM

**Pidge**   
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRO

**Hunk**   
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRO <3333

**Allura**   
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRO!!!

**Lance**   
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHRIO

**Matt**   
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIRO ;D

**Keith**   
Hbd

**Shiro**   
Wha.t.

**Hunk**   
WE LOVE YOU

**Lance**   
U ARE AMAZING

**Pidge**   
YOU DESERVE THE WORLD

**Matt**   
WE’D BE DEAD AND GONE WITHOUT YOU

**Allura**   
YOU’RE THE BESTEST FRIEND

**Keith**   
And the bestest brother :)

**Shiro**   
What, um   
Wow??   
I have no idea what to say, I,

**Allura**   
You don’t have to say anything!   
Just open your front door.

**Shiro**   
Oh god.   
Please don’t tell me this is really happening.

 

12:17 AM

**Lance**   
LMASDIOODISFI

**Shiro**   
Who’s banging on the goddamn door like that??????   
I’m getting ready I’ll open it in a MINUTE.

**Keith**   
Hurry the Fuck up jesus

**Lance**   
ITS KEITHHT HE KEEPS POUNDIGN ON THE DOOR

**Hunk**   
Pidge and Lance are pissing themselves laughing

**Shiro**   
Yeah, I can HEAR them.   
You guys are going to get me an eviction notice, I swear to god.

**Keith**   
YOU’RE FLAPPING YOUR GUMS BUT I DON’T SEE ANYONE LETTING US INSIDE

**Pidge**   
shir o pplaespe

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

9:40 AM

**Keith**   
Hey   
I love you, okay?

**Shiro**   
I know. I love you, too.   
:^)

**Keith**   
Why do you make this so fucking hard

 

* * *

**Allura > ROMANTIC HOES**

 

9:45 AM

**Allura** **  
** Shiro I’ve added you back to all the group chats   
And now that we’re all in our respective dorms...   
_ [image sent] _

**Pidge**   
shiro got fucked UP last night

**Lance**   
im saving that to my phone

**Matt**   
I’m out of 4g data until saturday and the pic isn’t loading what is it

**Allura**   
Well, you know how the cake got on the ceiling?

**Matt**   
Um   
No???   
When the hell did that happen

**Pidge**   
we were playing pin the tail on the furry and before shiro stuck the tail on lance you decided to blow your fucking airhorn and hunk got so violently startled he launched his plate of cake into the air and it got stuck on the ceiling

**Matt**   
I honestly don’t remember anything we did past 1 a.m.

**Allura**   
Apparently I’m the only one of us who can hold their alcohol

**Pidge**   
i was coherent too

**Allura**   
You didn’t drink anything

**Pidge**   
i was drunk off of festivity

**Hunk**   
I don’t remember seeing cake on the ceiling before we all left

**Allura**   
That’s because most of it fell on Shiro’s face in the middle of the night

**Lance**   
thats it. thats the pic.

**Allura**   
He washed it off before the rest of you woke up   
Like a coward.

**Shiro**   
None of this ever happened. None of this.   
What are you talking about?

**Matt**   
...So you’re telling me shiro got a cake facial

**Lance**   
YES

**Keith**   
Oh god ew

**Shiro**   
And that’s all for today, folks! My bags are packed and I’m officially not associated with any of you anymore! Good fucking day!

**Hunk**   
Oh! That reminds me

_ Hunk named the group LUCKY HOES. _

**Shiro**   
Lucky?

**Hunk**   
Hello!! St. Patrick’s day   
It’s the biggest holiday this month

**Pidge**   
right   
our themed groupchat title continues to thrive

**Keith**   
Why did we start doing that again

**Allura**   
Don’t question it   
Just let it be

**Keith**   
But why are we hoes

**Lance**   
its a statement   
by labeling ourselves as hoes we’re dismantling the detrimental idea that hoeing, or the nature of doing so, is in any way shameful or degrading and as a direct juxtaposition we take pride in the title, where the theme changes periodically but the foundation of flamboyant hoetry remains the same   
but anyway matt can u come over with a coke bottle hunk and i wanna throw a mentos in it for snapchat

**Pidge**   
what the singular fuck

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

MAR 5 AT 7:11 PM

**lance**   
yooo   
hows ur first shift at the theater goin?

**keith**   
Pretty slow considering it's a Monday

**lance**   
are u allowed to be on ur phone rn

**keith**   
No

**lance**   
get back to work!! 

**keith**   
If you didn't want me to respond then why’d you text me

**lance**   
well i expected u to respond during ur break or something   
not while ur busy in the ticket booth!!!

**keith**   
I’m not busy

**lance**   
hm. if i run really fast do u think i could get to the theater in time to catch the 8pm showing of black panther

**keith**   
You are not allowed to see that movie before me

**lance**   
u cant stop me

**keith**   
I run the ticket booth??    
I control whether or not you get a ticket

**lance**   
i will demand to see the manager like a middle aged white mom dont test me keith

**keith**   
Christ   
Fine   
If you get here before 7:45 I’ll give you the matinee discount

**lance**   
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA   
is that stacked on top of the friends and family discount?

**keith**   
Since when were you my fucking friend

**lance**   
wow. harsh. real harsh keith.   
youd think after holding hands while stargazing in the middle of an open field u would have a little soft spot for me

**keith**   
Lance shut up   
I’m being soft enough for giving you the matinee price

**lance**   
ok i just left my dorm   
im booking it

**keith**   
Take your time. Please.

 

MAR 6 AT 12:12 AM

**lance**   
hey btw? UR A FUCKING SAAAAAAAAP

**keith**   
Go to sleep 

**lance**   
A BIG OL SOFTIE

**keith**   
I will ban you from this fucking theater

**lance**   
U TOOK 7 DOLLARS OFF MY TICKET   
UR FUCKING SOFT

**keith**   
I should've known. I should've known you'd bring it up sooner or later. 

**lance**   
KEITH KOGANE EVERYBODY!!! WORLDS BIGGEST SAP!!!!

**keith**   
Smart of you to yell this when you're safely in your dorm, where I can't kick your ass.

**lance**   
well i was gonna bring it up after the movie finished but we got so wrapped up in conversation that it never came up

**keith**   
You better hope my coworker doesn't rat me out for letting you behind the booth

**lance**   
relax romelle was cool   
she wouldnt do us dirty like that

**keith**   
I guess so   
Seriously. Go to bed   
I know you have a quiz in your first class tomorrow

**lance**   
ugh   
look im gonna knock out an hr of studying and Then ill go to bed   
i was gonna study earlier but SOMEONE distracted me with the possibility of movie ticket discounts

**keith**   
I literally did not tell you to run to the theater but okay

**lance**   
semantics   
i should be going to sleep by time u finish ur shift

**keith**   
No I get off at 2 a.m.

**lance**   
gross

**keith**   
It's only 4 days a week   
When are you gonna get a job so I can get you fired almost immediately

**lance**   
listen, buckaroo

**keith**   
Wow. I fucking loathe you

**lance**   
i like to be pampered, not pamper other ppl

**keith**   
Even if you get paid?

**lance**   
i guess thats a nice perk   
but after u got the job at the theater i actually went to the the cafe off campus and ya boi is currently waiting to hear back from the manager

**keith**   
Nice   
Why didn't you tell anyone

**lance**   
didnt wanna seem stupid if i didnt get the job

**keith**   
Most people don't get it the first try

**lance**   
this isnt my first time working

**keith**   
...What   
I assumed you'd never lifted a finger in your life

**lance**   
ha ha.   
i had jobs when i spent my summers in cuba

**keith**   
What did you do?

**lance**   
um   
well i was a lifeguard last summer   
and thats it :)

**keith**   
Yeah, sure.   
What else did you do?

**lance**   
nothing!! its nothing big

**keith**   
Seems big if you won't overshare it like you do with everything else

**lance**   
wow expose me keith. expose me

**keith**   
So what was it?

**lance**   
im telling u its really nothing   
i barely even remember what i did

**keith**   
Sure you don't

**lance**   
welp! gotta go study!   
drink some water and have a good nights sleep when u get back to ur dorm

**keith**   
Okay   
Night

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Hunk Garrett**

 

1:25 PM

**Keithinator**   
Hey quick question   
What was Lance’s first job

**Hunkatron**   
He worked on a farm, why?

**Keithinator**   
You’re joking   
There’s literally no way you’re serious right now

**Hunkatron**   
Scout’s honor

**Keithinator**   
Thank you   
I owe you my life

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

1:28 PM

**keith**   
Hey you country fucking bumpkin

**lance**   
hHUH??   
HOW THE FCUK

**keith**   
I have my sources

 

1:32 PM

**keith**   
Lance  _ (Message could not be sent.) _ _  
_ YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS BY BLOCKING ME  _ (Message could not be sent.) _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so when i went to post this, i saw that i had hit over 2000 kudos and honestly call me keith bc im getting fucking SAPPY
> 
> dude........the level of reception this measly fic has gotten is unbelievable. none of you even KNOW the sheer amount of joy it brings my heart when i read your comments, im so glad to have made you laugh!!!! 
> 
> and idk if anybody even remembers this, but to anyone who was there back when i posted the first chapter of this fic for the very VERY first time and it was a fucking mess – every single line of text was spaced at least an inch apart and i accidentally posted it as complete bc i had no idea how to fucking format on ao3 – if you saw that, know that it permanently embarrassed me and im a huge dumbass. so the fact that yall are still showing me love is so amazing you are all AMAZING this is so amazing alexa play stir fry


	22. keeping up with the koganes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****
> 
> ## SHIRO IS CANONICALLY GAY
> 
> im sstill cryyfisfjndwmxalsk 
> 
> Frigging LARGE POPCORN GOSH HDANG IT DONT LOOK AT ME DONT BREATHE IN MY DIRECTION
> 
> im Feeling God in this motherFUCKING chilis tonighT JKDAdklvDQOKSJL

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

MAR 12 AT 9:01 AM

 **Keith**  
Mom just called me  
She said she’s okay with me doing it

 **Shiro**  
That’s great!  
Aside that, are you okay with it?

 **Keith**  
Wdym

 **Shiro**  
Are you ready to do this?

 **Keith**  
I mean, I’m,  
I think so?  
Idk  
It feels a little unreal

 **Shiro**  
Just remember I’m right behind you, Keith.

 **Keith**  
I know

 **Shiro**  
Have you told anyone else?

 **Keith**  
Well I told Hunk  
And then Hunk told Lance

 **Shiro**  
Okay, sounds right.

 **Keith**  
They told me they hope all goes well

 **Shiro**  
When are you meeting her?

 **Keith**  
Mom said that she offered to pay for a round trip plane ticket this weekend so we’d have a few days to catch up

 **Shiro**  
Would you be missing classes??

 **Keith**  
No jfc  
I’ll leave on Friday and be back in time for my Tuesday morning class

 **Shiro**  
Oh okay.  
Just make sure you stay up to date with your assignments.

 **Keith**  
Congrats  
You’re officially my fifth fucking parent

 **Shiro**  
Nothing wrong with “having your shit together.”

 **Keith**  
Don’t quote me wtf  
But there’s one more thing

 **Shiro**  
What’s that?

 **Keith**  
Well  
Mom told me that Adam reached out a few days ago

 

9:38 AM

 **Keith**  
Did you have an anuerysm

 **Shiro**  
*Aneurysm.

 **Keith**  
Geek ass  
Seriously  
Are you good

 **Shiro**  
Define good.

 **Keith**  
Shiro you have to confront it at one point or another

 **Shiro**  
You sure are one to talk.

 **Keith**  
I’m young and stupid so I have an excuse to handle my problems poorly  
You, on the other hand, have had years to hone your maturity

 **Shiro**  
If I remember correctly, you’ve told me before that you are “not a baby” and “old enough to make decisions for yourself" and “stop treating me like a fucking kid, Shiro, I know what I’m doing.”

 **Keith**  
Yeah  
Young and stupid  
And stop quoting me

 **Shiro**  
I’m screenshotting this.

 **Keith**  
You're deviating  
She wanted me to ask you if you wanna respond to him

 **Shiro**  
I?? Don't know??.?

 **Keith**  
You're falling deeper into the Useless Gay hole

 **Shiro**  
Don't ever say gay and hole in the same sentence again, thank you.

 **Keith**  
Do you want me to talk to him for you when I head back to Texas this weekend or what

 **Shiro**  
I guess. I don't really care.

 **Keith**  
Yeah okay  
I know that line. I invented that line

 **Shiro**  
This weekend is supposed to be about you, not me!  
You shouldn't be in the middle of a complicated mess with me and an ex.

 **Keith**  
Last I checked you and Adam didn't want to break up in the first place  
So this is your chance to mend things up

 **Shiro**  
I don't want to talk about this anymore.

 **Keith**  
Why the hell are you shutting me out  
I’m the one that pulls this shit  
This is weird  
Is it always this frustrating??

 **Shiro**  
You have absolutely no clue.

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Romelle Sommers**

 

MAR 13 AT 11:07 AM

 **Keith**  
Hey  
Are you sure you’re okay with covering for me on Monday

 

11:15 AM

 **Romelle**  
nice to talk to u 2 keith.  
but yes!! >> i think working 1 extra day might be beneficial to my work ethic in the long run haha

 **Keith**  
I could always take an earlier flight and get back before the shift starts

 **Romelle**  
don’t u dare!!!!  
i won’t allow it.  
this trip seems to be very important to u, i wouldn’t want to take any time away from it.  
do u mind me asking why ur going home so suddenly?

 **Keith**  
It’s a long story

 **Romelle**  
i understand if it’s personal.

 **Keith**  
It’s just really...nerve wracking.

 **Romelle**  
whatever it is, i know u’ll persevere =)

 **Keith**  
Why the hell do you type your smiley faces like that  
Anyway thanks.  
I’m meeting my birth mother for the first time.

 **Romelle**  
ohh WOW  
exciting!

 **Keith**  
She found and reached out to my adoptive mother and asked to meet me while she was in my town for a job apparently

 **Romelle**  
i wish u the best keith =)  
i’m sure she’ll be lovely.

 **Keith**  
I appreciate it  
But are you really okay with covering my shift?

 **Romelle**  
y. e. s.

 **Keith**  
Are you sure?

 **Romelle**  
if u ask me again i will tell ur friendboy that u smile when u text him.

 **Keith**  
You sneaky fucking lesbian

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

MAR 15 AT 4:24 PM

 **lance**  
hey so hunk allura shay and i are going to olive garden later  
u wanna come

 **keith**  
I would but I can't

 **lance**  
whyyy  
i thought ur boss gave u tonight off

 **keith**  
Yeah but I’m in the city right now

 **lance**  
wtf are u doing out there

 **keith**  
Shopping for shit before I leave tomorrow

 **lance**  
what could u possibly need to buy for a 4 day trip to texas

 **keith**  
Lots of stuff!!

 **lance**  
like what

 **keith**  
Nothing

 **lance**  
ur making me suspicious

 **keith**  
There’s no reason to be suspicious

 **lance**  
...why couldnt this shopping wait til u got off the plane

 **keith**  
There’s No Reason To Be Suspicious

 **lance**  
come on MAAAAAAAAAAN  
we havent hung out at all this week

 **keith**  
We were at the club just yesterday

 **lance**  
that doesnt count as hanging out!!!  
we were there due to a prior commitment as club members

 **keith**  
Same difference

 **lance**  
point is we havent seen each other outside the club in like 2 weeks

 **keith**  
You came to the movie theater that one night

 **lance**  
DOESNT COUNT  
are u sure u cant come eat with us for like an hour or so?

 **keith**  
Sorry  
I just really need to buy this thing

 **lance**  
well  
ok  
ill see u next week i guess

 **keith**  
You too

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Hunk Garrett**

 

4:40 PM

 **Lance**  
hes not coming

 **Hunk**  
:(  
Sorry buddy

 **Lance**  
ugh  
i shouldnt be so in my feelings but i AM

 **Hunk**  
Happens to the best of us

 **Lance**  
clearly im the best  
and u know, hes right, ive seen him more than a few times this month  
but ever since the semester started picking up weve been way too busy to really hang out  
and now hes leaving the one weekend i finally have time to CHILLAX

 **Hunk**  
The timing does kinda suck  
But it’s really important to him

 **Lance**  
i know i KNOW and i want him to go  
its just like u said. the timing sucks

 **Hunk**  
Hey, at least he’s only leaving for a couple of days

 **Lance**  
then hes gonna come back and be so wrapped up in his classes and his job that ill barely get to slip in a clever texas joke in person

 **Hunk**  
Lance you’re so cute  
You sound like a clingy boyfriend

 **Lance**  
shut UP thanks

 

* * *

**Allura > LUCKY HOES**

 

MAR 16 AT 3:16

 **Allura**  
Good luck Keith!!

 **Pidge**  
you’ll be gold dude

 **Keith**  
Thanks guys

 **Hunk**  
GOOOOOOO KEITH  
What time does your plane leave again?

 **Keith**  
At 3:55  
So I’m just chilling for now

 **Hunk**  
Are you nervous?  
I’d be nervous if I was meeting my birth mother for the first time

 **Lance**  
hunk

 **Hunk**  
Sorry!! I’m just being honest

 **Keith**  
It’s okay  
I’m not nervous right now

 **Lance**  
at all?

 **Keith**  
Yeah  
I’m good. Promise.

 **Lance**  
well  
let us know if that changes

 **Allura**  
Agreed  
Are you excited to be going back to your motherland?

 **Keith**  
...Motherland

 **Pidge**  
the great continent of texas

 **Keith**  
Did you just. seriously call Texas a fucking continent  
Anyway I guess so  
It’ll be kinda lame not having Shiro around to annoy for a whole weekend

 **Shiro**  
Sure, bucko.

 **Matt**  
Stop exposing my sibling to your weird southern talk

 **Pidge**  
no please expose me to it  
i wanna make fun of you guys

 **Keith**  
Bye screw you.

 **Allura**  
We do it out of love.  
Especially considering we might not hear from you tonight!

 **Keith**  
I’m not meeting Krolia until tomorrow

 **Hunk**  
Oooooh Krolia’s her name  
Sounds badass

 **Lance**  
sounds like a woman who would take hard shots in the middle of the day

 **Pidge**  
you say that like you know how to take a shot

 **Lance**  
stop BABYING ME

 **Keith**  
If she’s a day drinker then like mother like son I guess

 **Shiro**  
Sorry, WHAT?

 **Keith**  
Oh look my plane’s here

 **Matt**  
You have 17 minutes left until it leaves

 **Keith**  
Gonna hop in now.  
See you guys in 20 years

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

MAR 17 AT 11:02 AM

 **Shiro**  
Hey. You met her yet?

 

9:56 PM

 **Keith**  
Shhe’s so fucking cool”,

 **Shiro**  
Have you spent the entire day with her???

 

11:15 PM

 **Keith**  
Yeah  
I just got home

 **Shiro**  
Oh wow.  
How’d it go?

 **Keith**  
It was...hard, at first.  
I kept thinking about how she gave me up, but we talked for a long time and she gave me the answers to all my questions  
I think that’s what I needed all this time, you know. A reason  
And she gave me a little time to process it  
Then she told me about the blade she left me  
SHIRO SHE SHOWED ME SOME COOL KNIFE TRICKS AND I WANNA SHOW THEM TO YOU WHEN I GET BACK TO UNI ON TUESDAY SO CLEAR YOUR FUCKING SCHEDULE

 **Shiro**  
Keith I’m not going to throw knives at beer cans.

 **Keith**  
NO THEYRE NWE TRICKS  
I CAN DO THEM SAFELY

 **Shiro**  
You’re lucky I’m feeling happy for you.

 

* * *

– Sunday, March 18, 2018, 9:12 AM –

 **_1-800-MOTHMAN_ ** _to “This never would’ve happened if you’d just admitted that my gun noises were better than yours Shiro. Seriously my gun noises were the best and you’re all just bitter.”_

 

 **1-800-MOTHMAN**  
Anybody wanna videocall

 **allurabura**  
Me!!

 

– 9:14 AM –

**Call started**

 

– 10:30 AM –

 **Shining Light**  
WHY WOUDL YOU GUYS START WITHOUT US!!!! UNFAIR

 **pidge fuck!**  
bc they’re fucking fake

 

 **_Shining Light_ ** _,_ **_macaroni salad_ ** _,_ **_Takashi_ ** _,_ **_pidge fuck!_ ** _joined the call._

 

– 2:24 PM –

**Call ended**

 

 **allurabura**  
Have fun with Krolia today!

 **1-800-MOTHMAN**  
Will do  
Have fun in your Statistics class today :)

 **allurabura**  
:) Thank You, Keith.

 **1-800-MOTHMAN**  
:) You’re Welcome, Allura.

 **macaroni salad** **  
** Allura hates that class

 **Shining Light**  
He knows

 **pidge fuck!** **  
** let’s go before their chaotic friendship destroys the very fabric of space and time

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

2:35 PM

 **Keith**  
Krolia just picked me up for lunch  
Also  
I hate my life

 **Shiro**  
Keith, you should really coordinate things like this.

 **Keith**  
FUCK him  
I go out and buy a generic fucking bedspread and some big ass dumbbells for what??? For him to go completely fucking M.I.A. when I finally have time to skype and show it off in the background????  
I hate him so much I’m gonna fuckign fly into the sun

 **Shiro**  
If it makes you feel better, I think the plain bedspread looked really cool compared to your old one with all the airplanes and jets on it.  
:^)

 **Keith**  
Hot take; I feel worse now

 

* * *

– Sunday, March 18, 2018, 3:02 PM –

 **_in beyonce we trust_ ** _to “This never would’ve happened if you’d just admitted that my gun noises were better than yours Shiro. Seriously my gun noises were the best and you’re all just bitter.”_

 

 **in beyonce we trust** ****  
hey i just woke up lmao  
anybody still wanna videocall

 

– 3:03 PM –

**Call started**

**_allurabura_ ** _,_ **_macaroni salad_ ** _,_ **_Shining Light_ ** _,_ **_pidge fuck!_ ** _joined the call._

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

3:04 PM

 **Keith**  
I FUCKIAXALSDKL HDWIHEU

 

* * *

**matte > science sluts**

 

MAR 19 AT 1:01 PM

 **matte  
** Good afternoon baybee :*

 **hunkle  
** Matt you make my heart go doki doki

 **matte  
** H-HENTAI!!!

 **hunkle  
** B............BAKA!!

 **pidger  
** i hate this. i hate this. why am i here

 **matte  
** Oh hey pidge

 **hunkle  
** Sorry but you know that when he starts, I can't stop

 **matte  
** And hunk’s too cute for me NOT to start

 **pidger  
** start what??? i am so fucking lost  
i gave up trying to understand you two eons ago

 **matte  
** That's a lie. you understand everything

 **pidger  
** correction: i gave up trying to tolerate your conjoined horrific behavior eons ago

 **matte  
** You're just mad that hunk can't take your side because of his commitment to me

 **hunkle  
** Pidge is a part of you, Matt  
I commit to them as much as I do to you

 **matte  
** YOU ARE SO PERFECT

 **hunkle  
** I KNOW

 **pidger  
** matt i want an eyedrop bottle full of bleach for my birthday

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

5:29 PM

 **Shiro  
** So. Today's your last day, huh?

 **Keith  
** Yeah  
I’m leaving super early in the morning tomorrow  
But Krolia said she'd try to make it for spring break next month

 **Shiro  
** That's good.  
I'm really glad you had a good time.

 **Keith  
** Yeah. I guess I had nothing to worry about in the end

 **Shiro  
** Yeah...

 **Keith  
** What's up with you  
Is something wrong?

 **Shiro  
** I've given a lot of thought to what you told me before you left.  
Maybe the way things turned out for you is giving me false hope, but I don't know.  
Keith, I’m terrified. I can't even tell you how scared I am.

 **Keith  
** It's okay, Shiro

 **Shiro  
** I just know that I want to be happy again.  
And seeing you take the chance to meet your birth mother despite how scared you were, I feel like...I can do the same.  
Tell Mom to give Adam my new number.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. :)))))))))))))) IN CASE I HAVENT MADE IT CLEAR ENOUGH HOW BIG THIS NEWS IS TO ME,
> 
> ## SHIRO IS GAY
> 
> so for this fic bi shiro is cancelled i only stan Absolute Fucking Units.


	23. into the open air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: recreational drug use
> 
> yes, i saw season 7. and yes, season 7 doesn’t exist to me. let’s carry on, lesbians.

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

MAR 20 AT 4:16 PM

 **keith**  
Yo  
I just got out of class  
Can I come see you before my shift

 **lance**  
oh.......so i exist now huh?

 **keith**  
You want me to come over or what

 **lance**  
maybe.

 **keith**  
You were the one that complained about not hanging out all month

 **lance**  
ur exaggerating!!  
but i AM free now  
last time ill be free in a while tho

 **keith**  
Why’s that?

 **lance**  
bc ya boi is officially a coffee shop hoe  
im gonna be working fridays, saturdays, and sundays

 **keith**  
...Which are the only days I have off.

 **lance**  
i know  
it was the only timeslot that worked with my schedule

 **keith**  
Not blaming you  
I get it  
I guess now we actually won’t be seeing each other that often then

 **lance**  
now u gotta make the most of the moments we see each other every week!

 **keith**  
Right.  
I’ll be there soon

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Allura Altea**

 

4:22 PM

 **lance**  
help, my bisexuality is acting up :(

 **princesa**  
What did Keith do

 **lance**  
he was himself.

 **princesa**  
I’m so sorry

 **lance**  
i know :(((((  
we’re hanging out AT LONG LAST and its only gonna be like an hr before he leaves

 **princesa**  
Oh Lance...my sweet, soft, gentle plum

 **lance**  
stop

 **princesa**  
I’m sure you two will find a way to spend more time together  
You can trust me when I say that Keith enjoys your company

 **lance**  
well i already know that  
everyone enjoys my company

 **princesa**  
Sure they do :)

 

* * *

“—And then you clap your right hand to theirs, like so,” Lance’s right palm claps Keith’s, “and then your left hand to theirs, then clap twice, and start the whole thing over again. Have you seriously never played Numbers before?”

Keith’s hands stay frozen in the air. His face twists in confusion. “Uh... no.”

Lance shrugs and reaches over to grab the water bottle on his end table. “Me and my friends would play it all the time in, like, fifth grade. I think it’s changed over the years, though.”

“Evolution is a natural part of life, I guess,” Keith says, leaning back against the headboard of Lance’s bed.

Lance sits opposite of him with his legs crossed, and put his hands on his hips. The water bottle lies forgotten by his thigh. “You have to give me credit though,” he says, “Assuming the job to culture you has taken a huge toll on my mental health.”

Keith regards him doubtfully. “As if it wasn’t in shambles before you met me.”

Lance yawns behind his hand. “You're getting a little too real there, buddy.”

Lance raises his arms into the air and stretches like a cat, grunting, and ruffles his hair as they come back down. Keith mirrors Lance and crosses his legs, opening his mouth to respond until he sees the dazed expression on Lance’s face and it dawns on him how absolutely spent he’s looked the past few weeks.

Keith folds his arms and asks, “Have you been getting any sleep?”

Lance sheepishly averts his gaze. “Well.”

“Lance,” Keith warns, and Lance rushes forward to imitate clipping his mouth shut. Pushing aside the surprise of having Lance’s fingers brush directly against his lips, Keith lets out a noise between a sigh and a growl.

“I’ve just been really focused on trying to get my GPA up, and my Trigonometry class is _killing_ me,” Lance whines, “I’m dying, Keith.”

He still hasn’t moved his fucking fingers. “Why haven’t you asked Matt to tutor you?” Keith suggests, muffled by the hand that physically shushed him.

Lance shakes his head, and finally pulls away. Keith releases a long, long breath. “I wanted to,” Lance admits, “but he’s already got a lot on his plate, dealing with the graduation process and all. On top of that, him and Hunk are dating now and I don’t wanna take any time away from that!” Lance’s eyes soften. “I want Hunk to be with his hubby.”

“Stop calling him that,” Keith pleads desperately. He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “And don’t turn me into Shiro right now.”

Lance grins at that, and beckons him to continue. “Please, go on. Chastise me.”

“Fine. Sleep more,” is all Keith says.

Lance hums. “How eloquent. I’m enlightened.”

“Look at you!” Keith waves a hand toward him, “You’re practically falling over yourself. You look like you could pass out any minute now.”

Lance glares at him. “Well, thanks for pointing out my less than perfect complexion.” He rubs his cheeks somberly. “I haven’t had time to do my whole skin care regimen lately.”

Keith rolls his eyes to the ceiling. “Your complexion’s _fine_.” Lance narrows his eyes at him, as if that’s something Keith would care to lie about. Well...maybe he’d lie just to shut him up. Ignoring the skeptic look, Keith peeks over the edge of the bed at his messenger bag and announces in a gentler voice, “I should probably get going.”

“Wh–” Lance stutters, and then snaps his fingers for Keith to whip his head up. “No! You can still stay for like another half hour!”

“Lance, you’re sleep-deprived,” Keith stresses. “You should take a nap or something.”

“You know what? I will. Not because you told me to!” Lance jabs a finger at Keith’s chest. “Because I want to.”

“Whatever. And _remember_ to take your binder off.”

“I’m not even wearing it today! Don’t patronize me, asshole,” Lance flicks his forehead and Keith slaps his wrist away. “Besides, I’m just gonna wait ‘til Hunk gets back from English.”

Keith raises an eyebrow at that. Can’t he just hit the pillow and knock out? “What does Hunk need to be here for?”

Lance shrugs, fidgeting and gazing out the window of the dorm. “I sleep better when I’m cuddled up. Hunk’s a great cuddler.”

The cogs in Keith’s heard slowly start to turn, and a horrible, _horrible_ idea manifests within it. The idea sounds good in theory, but in practice? Certain death. He considers weighing the pros and cons, but finds he doesn’t care about the cons—in fact, there _are_ no cons. Instead of voicing it, he just opens his arms up with this frightening, constipated look on his face. Lance doesn’t even react. Just stares at him. Keith considers walking right off the edge of a cliff.

Lance blinks. “Are you—What’s happening right now.”

“Come on,” Keith says.

Lance jerks in surprise. “Keith, _what_?”

“Just fucking–” Keith aggressively gestures to himself. “Get over here.”

And with the eagerness of a child on Christmas morning, Lance springs to attention and crawls into the space between Keith's thighs, hooks his legs over one, and curls into his chest.

Keith blinks. He’s almost sure his heart is going to burst right out of his ribcage, and he wills himself not to move a single muscle. If he moves, he knows he'll feel the searing heat of every point of contact with Lance's body, and he doesn't know how to react once it settles in that this is actually—actually happening.

“Are you okay?” Lance asks, raising an eyebrow. Lance’s voice vibrates against his collarbone. “You went completely rigid, dude.”

Keith clenches his jaw. “I’m good.”

Lance smiles, relaxes his head on Keith’s shoulder. “You ever cuddled with someone before?”

“No. Well, I’ve... tried to,” Keith admits.

“Oh?”

“With the boyfriends I had in high school.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Lance snickers. “Alright, Casanova.”

“Shut up.” Keith's blushing now, redder than a fire hydrant. He's shocked he wasn't blushing before. “I was never really good at the... emotional part of it.”

Lance closes his eyes. “Hmm... I see.”

In a sudden burst of confidence, or maybe feeling safe now that Lance seems too tired to notice, Keith slowly circles his arms around Lance, and says quietly, “They'd tell me I was too detached.”

Lance moves closer, and one hand rises to hug Keith's neck. Lance’s eyebrows knit together, and he says in a softer voice, “I don't think you're detached.”

Keith looks down into Lance’s wispy brown hair. “Maybe I was never in love with them.”

Lance yawns, sighing as his cheek smushed against the fabric of Keith's shirt. “You think so?”

“I know so,” Keith decides. He listens to Lance's slowed breathing. “It never felt... like this.”

Lance nods absently, and teases, “Ohh. There goes that soft spot.”

Keith sighs, shutting his eyes. Why is his heart still hammering? “Stop talking.”

“No,” Lance defies, but it sounds more like an incoherent murmur than a word. “You love my company, just admit it.”

“And if I do?”

“Then...” Lance trails off. “Then that's good.” His body goes lax, and he whispers sleepily, “Very good.”

Keith scoffs and shakes his head fondly. “Lance,” Keith nudges him gently, but he doesn't shift or stir. He waits for a reaction that never comes, and he guesses his resolve is crumbling anyway. What does he have to lose?

“Can I tell you something?” Keith faintly asks him.

Lance mumbles unintelligibly in response.

Keith feels the rise and fall of Lance’s chest, certain that he's drifting off now. “I think...”

Lance’s fingers twitch by the nape of Keith's neck, and he hugs tighter. All at once he curls into Keith like he's a pillow, like it isn't eighty degrees outside and their shirts aren't sticking to the sweat on their skin, like he's slipped into the best dream of his life and doesn't want to let go.

Keith gives up. His breath leaves him entirely in a moment of terrifying realization.

“I’m falling in love with you.”

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Katelyn Holt**

 

6:45 PM

 **red light**  
Call me. I need to talk about how fucking gay I am

 

* * *

**Hunk > LUCKY HOES**

 

MAR 21 AT 12:05 PM

 **Hunk** **  
** Matt would you still date me if I was into vore

 **Matt**  
Omg....babe what if i said i’m into vore too

 **Hunk**  
Omg

 **Matt**  
Eat me.

_Pidge has left the group._

_Shiro has left the group._

_Keith Kogane has left the group._

_Allura Altea has left the group._

**Matt**  
Kinkshaming is Real

 **Hunk**  
Lance why are you the only one still here

 **Lance**  
i wanna be vored

 **Matt**  
I genuinely can’t tell if you’re being serious or not

 

* * *

_You have (1) new friend request!_

 

 **Adam Wakefield**  
Confirm | Delete

 

_You and Adam Wakefield are now friends._

 

* * *

**Adam Wakefield > Takashi Shirogane**

 

1:02 PM

 **Adam**  
hh  
hi  
how are you?

 **Takashi**  
Adam.

 **Adam**  
shiro.

 **Takashi**  
You don’t need to bother with formalities.

 **Adam**  
...alright.  
i know it’s been,, a while.

 **Takashi**  
Seven months.

 **Adam**  
you’ve been keeping count?

 **Takashi**  
No. I don’t know. I guess.

 **Adam**  
i have, too.

 **Takashi**  
Regardless  
Why did you want to talk to me?

 **Adam**  
well.  
you want me to be honest?

 **Takashi**  
That’d be ideal, yeah.

 **Adam**  
okay. i miss you.  
my chest hurts every time i think of you.  
and i’m sorry that things ended the way they did.  
i know i don’t deserve your forgiveness, but i can’t tell you how sorry i am for walking away.

 

1:50 PM

 **Takashi**  
I’m sorry, too.

 **Adam**  
you have nothing to apologize for??

 **Takashi**  
Actually, I do.  
I’m sorry I prioritized my ambitions over you...a lot.  
I’m sorry I never showed you how, um  
important you were to me.  
I’m sorry I even gave you a REASON to walk away.

 **Adam**  
oh my god, stop.  
i shouldn't have left you when you needed me. i was wrong.

 **Takashi**  
Thank you for saying that but  
We both were.

 **Adam**  
okay...i can agree with that.  
as long as you understand.

 **Takashi**  
I do.  
I mean., you know, I understand. Not like “I do" I do, just. Yeah.

 **Adam**  
you’re a disaster.  
look, i know everything can’t be fixed with one apology.  
and we don’t have to move too fast, but i want to be a part of your life again.

 **Takashi**  
You do?

 **Adam**  
do you think i spent three months helping your mom renovate your old room for shits and giggles.

 **Takashi**  
Woah woah hold the fucking phone, she did WHAT??  
MY OLD ROOM??

 **Adam**  
i’m guessing she didn’t tell you that part.  
didn’t keith say anything about it when he went back?

 **Takashi**  
NO????????????

 **Adam**  
oh. i guess i shouldn’t have said that.

 **Takashi**  
You...helped my mom renovate a room for three months just to get my contact info.

 **Adam**  
so what if i fucking did. you’re not the only disaster here. get over yourself.

 **Takashi**  
I really missed you.

 **Adam**  
shiro shut up.

 **Takashi**  
Call me by my first name, you coward.

 **Adam**  
takashi?

 **Takashi**  
Yeah?

 **Adam**  
shut the hell up.

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Keith Kogane**

 

2:36 PM

 **Shiro**  
So, shitface.  
When were you gonna tell me Mom turned my room into a home gym.

 **Keith**  
Adam hit you up huh?

 **Shiro**  
Keith, answer the question.

 **Keith**  
Did you guys make up

 **Shiro**  
Keith.  
You SAW him. In our house.

 **Keith**  
Yeah we ate lasagna and caught up with each other  
It wasn’t a big deal

 **Shiro**  
Okay, the point is you saw him working all hot and sweaty for four days and didn’t even think to take a picture so don’t talk to me.

 

* * *

**Lance > LUCKY HOES**

 

MAR 27 AT 4:29 AM

 **Lance**  
whoooooo wants to get high as a kite

 **Matt**  
Is hunk with you

 **Lance**  
yepyepyep

 **Matt**  
IS HUNK HIGH

 **Lance**  
idk

 **Hunk**  
No

 **Lance**  
no hes not high

 **Matt**  
Or so he says...  
Baby what’s my favorite color

 **Hunk**  
SEA SALT  
NO NO I KNOW HTIS ONE  
GRASS

 **Matt**  
Yeah it’s green

 **Hunk**  
YS  
WHAT’S MT PRIZE

 **Matt**  
Did you guys roll a joint

 **Lance**  
no he made edibles  
THERES 1 LEFT!! COME GET IT WHILE ITS HOT

 **Matt**  
I’m gonna sit this one out

 **Lance**  
wild  
who ARE u

 **Matt**  
I wanna be sober for this.

 **Hunk**  
You ddidn’t tell me what I win for getting your question right

 **Matt**  
My heart

 **Hunk**  
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **Lance**  
he squealed

 **Matt**  
Hey hunk

 **Hunk**  
Ye

 **Matt**  
You’re so handsome

_Hunk Garrett removed Matt._

**Lance**  
WHTA

 **Hunk**  
I’m not st....,,..strong enough

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

MAR 30 AT 7:49 PM

 **lance**  
romelle visited me while i was working and somehow managed to break the espresso machine from across the front counter

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Romelle Sommers**

 

7:52 PM

 **Keith**  
What in fresh hell are you doing at Lance’s workplace

 **Romelle**  
i just wanted to come see him!!  
i suspected he’d need the help of a big strong woman if anything were to go wrong =)

 **Keith**  
Please stop sending that smiley face

 **Romelle**  
u know,, he looks very cute in his apron and all.  
and coming from a lesbian, that’s quite a feat.

 **Keith**  
I never even hinted or so much as implied that I was attracted to Lance

 **Romelle**  
uhh neither did i? o_o??

 **Keith**  
Bye.

 **Romelle**  
_[image sent]_

 **Keith**  
Is that  
flour on his cheek

 **Romelle**  
yup =)  
i told him i’d take this photo of him to post on the ‘gram but i don’t even have an account lol

 **Keith**  
Just fucking say instagram

 **Romelle**  
i can use lingo any way i want!! die mad about it!!

 

* * *

**Acxa Quintana > Keith Kogane**

 

APR 1 AT 9:12 AM

 **Acxa**  
Hey.  
I have feelings for you

 **Keith**  
Good one

 **Acxa**  
Lmaooo can you imagine

 

* * *

**Lance > GSA Season 2**

 

10:10 AM

 **Lance**  
i have an announcement to make

 **Nyma**  
oh i wanna hear this

 **Pidge**  
we already know you’re a furry

 **Nyma**  
he’s a what now

 **Rolo**  
A wh........what

 **Plaxum**  
Uwu yarf am I right ladies?

 **Rolo**  
I’m sorry what the fuck did you just say

 **Lance**  
lotor can u please step forward

 **Keith**  
How many goddamn kinks do you have

 **Lance**  
LOTOR

 **Lotor** **  
** To what do I owe the pleasure.

 **Lance** **  
**i wanted to apologize to u  
ive been giving u a hard time since the day i met u  
and i just wanted to say im sorry for how ive treated u and i hope we can start over :)

 **Lotor** **  
**You think I'm a fool don't you? You think I don't know what day it is? You think I don't know what godforsaken day it is? You think I’m not fucking aware?  
You think I don't know what absolute drivel you're up to? That I’m going to give you the answer you desire to make a fool out of myself for your personal enjoyment? That I’ll give you that satisfaction?  
You have the fucking gall to sit there and test my patience with this mediocre act of kindness. I have no time for this. Your joke was executed in vain.

 **Lance** **  
** april fools lol

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay strong, gays. i love you <3


	24. spring breaker's birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: briefly referenced underage drinking

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Adam Wakefield**

 

APR 1 AT 2:01 PM

 **Takashi**  
So our flight leaves at four and we’ll land by eight at the latest.

 **Adam**  
wait what.  
since when were you coming back to texas??  
there is literally no context to what you’ve just told me.

 **Takashi**  
Hm. Idk.  
Do you even know what week it is?

 **Adam**  
the first week of april?  
oh i get it. april fool’s.  
you got me. i’m lietralkly scremaidnfnf.

 **Takashi**  
Adam I know you’re gay but keysmashing just doesn’t work for you.

 **Adam**  
whatever!!!

 **Takashi**  
After Keith and I get settled, I’m going to your house and throwing rocks at your window.

 **Adam**  
why are you still entertaining this joke.

 **Takashi**  
:^)

 **Adam**  
now i know why keith wants to beat you up all the time.

 

* * *

**honk > Disgustening.**

 

5:10 PM

 **honk**  
It kinda sucks that we won't be at school for Pidge's birthday :(

 **lonce**  
theyve officially joined the club of having birthdays during school breaks

 **koith**  
A club full of lames  
Except Hunk

 **lonce**  
ur such a kiss ass

 **allora**  
My birthday is technically during a break too  
At least, it is NOW  
Considering classes let out at the end of May

 **mott**  
When's your birthday allura  
I’m asking for science

 **allora**  
June 24th!

 **mott**  
THE DAY OF THE PRIDE MARCH

 **honk**  
I KNOW RIGHT

 **koith**  
K. You're not lame anymore

 **allora**  
Thanks you funky little gay man

 **koith**  
Everything you say makes it harder for me not to run to your dorm and tomahawk you

 **lonce**  
keith WHO the fuck even says that anymore bdgsksjksjdjd

 **shoro**  
I have nightmares about middle school Keith.

 **lonce**  
ooo speaking of which  
i want more anecdotes

 **koith**  
WHt the fuck  
I thought you stopped telling him stories about me

 **shoro**  
Did you...actually believe me.

 **koith**  
Are you fucjkidgndjs

 **honk**  
So back to Pidge  
Do you guys have anything planned for them back at home?

 **mott**  
Well we're not doing a party  
We only threw one for their sixteenth bc our mom really wanted to  
And pidge is such a momma's kid

 **honk**  
Matt last night you cried for an hour because your mom couldn't tuck you into bed

 **mott**  
I tell you these things in confidence you alienfucker

 

* * *

**Adam Wakefield > Takashi Shirogane**

 

APR 2 AT 1:23 AM

 **Adam**  
wkld  
what hte FUCK

 **Takashi**  
OPEN UP

 **Adam**  
WHAT THEHFUCK  
ARE YOU ACTUALLY THROWING ROCKCS AT MY WINDOW

 **Takashi**  
TICK TOCK

 **Adam**  
TTAKASHI YOU CRACKED MY FUCKING WINDOW

 

5:56 AM

 **Adam**  
weird first date, but ok.

 **Takashi**  
I may not have said it out loud, but  
You’re as handsome as ever.

 **Adam**  
i HH  
shut up.  
i have a cracked window now because of you.

 **Takashi**  
But it was romantic!

 **Adam**  
we aren’t seventeen anymore you DUMBASS

 **Takashi**  
I’ll take care of the window.  
It was worth it to see you again.

 **Adam**  
you’ve been,,  
you’ve been watching dating tip videos again, haven’t you.

 **Takashi**  
What no, what. No. What?  
I mean,  
Are they uh  
Working?

 **Adam**  
no.

 

9:30 AM

 **Adam**  
maybe.

 **Takashi**  
$@!%#FJ &

 

* * *

**Lance > FOOLISH HOES**

 

APR 3 AT 12:00 AM

 **Lance**  
WHAT is up youtube, ITS ya boi, BACK at it again with another video

 **Pidge**  
please shut up

 **Keith**  
Now in my last video I told you guys how much I fucking hate snails

 **Pidge**  
what

 **Hunk**  
SMASH that like button if you want to know how bad my cardiac arrest was on a scale from one to ten

 **Pidge**  
hh. wh

 **Matt**  
CAN WE HIT FIFTY LIKES?

 **Shiro**  
Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe for more content from your boi ButtEater5000.

 **Pidge**  
c. come again

 **Lance**  
GUYS things are getting crazy now COMMENT BELOW WHAT U THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT

 **Keith**  
Don’t forget to subscribe please I’m trying to make ends meet

 **Pidge**  
can someone tell me what is happening

 **Allura**  
STORYTIME: STALKED BY MY UBER DRIVER??

 **Lance**  
I Was Threatened.

 **Shiro**  
Welcome back to: Me Screaming.

 **Pidge**  
pee your pants. all of you.

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Katelyn Holt**

 

12:06 AM

 **hunkydory**  
Happy birthday!! I love you :DDD

 **katieperry**  
hhhdhhdks

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Katelyn Holt**

 

12:07 AM

 **bitchface**  
Happy birthday my beautiful powerful genius sibling

 **pidgeotto**  
eat dirt.

 **bitchface**  
<333

 **pidgeotto**  
.......... <3

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Katelyn Holt**

 

12:07 AM

 **father shiro** **  
** Happy birthday!  
_[image sent]_

 **Pidge** **  
** IS THAT A PICTURE OF KEITH IN A DINOSAUR ONESIE

 **father shiro** **  
** Taken last summer.

 **Pidge** **  
** SHIRO I LOVE YOU

 

* * *

**Allura Altea > Katelyn Holt**

 

12:08 AM

 **allurass** **  
** Happy birthday!!  
You are my soul

 **Pidge** **  
** i don't know what that means but it makes me want to cry

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Katelyn Holt**

 

12:08 AM

 **lanceylance**  
happy fbzJdjzldhsksk birthday dhsnsjaksnzn

 **pidgeypidge**  
thank xhzjjdjzjdj you sbzjskzjxkxj

  

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Katelyn Holt**

 

12:08 AM

 **red light** **  
** Hbd

 **green light** **  
** the sheer level of emotion that your voice conveys is earth-shaking.

 **red light** **  
** I will also beat living shit out of anyone that pisses you off today

 **green light**  
get ready to pummel matt when you see him next week then

 

* * *

**Adam Wakefield > Takashi Shirogane**

 

APR 5 AT 3:20 PM

 **Adam**  
i got out of work early today.  
you want me to bring you and keith something to eat?

 **Takashi**  
Yeah, one sec.  
Keith said he wants Wendy’s.

 **Adam**  
say no more.

 **Takashi**  
Can you pick up some cough drops for me, too?  
My thrussy’s feeling a little hoarse :(

 **Adam**  
i beg your FUCKING pardon.

 

* * *

**Katelyn Holt > Keith Kogane**

 

APR 8 AT 7:15 PM

 **green light** **  
** sorry your mom couldn’t see you over spring break man :/

 **red light**  
It’s all good  
We skyped for like 3 nights in a row

 **green light** **  
** nice  
you never actually told me what she does for a living

 **red light** **  
** That’s because I’m legally not allowed to disclose that information

 **green light** **  
** what  
what does that  
mean

 **red light** **  
** That’s confidential

 **green light** **  
** wtf???

 **red light** **  
** I’m kidding she works at a Taekwondo center  
That’s where she met my dad

 **green light** **  
** fucking christ you had me thinking she could bust me for pirating all 5 seasons of twilight zone  
i thought your dad was a firefighter??

 **red light** **  
** Well my mom told me he volunteered at the center from time to time  
And then one day while he was training  
She came crashing into his life

 **green light** **  
** how romantic

 **red light** **  
** No I mean she literally kicked someone so hard they flew across the mat and crashed into my dad

 **green light** **  
** EVEN BETTER

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

APR 9 AT 7:04 PM

 **lance** **  
** dude we should go to the movies

 

7:23 PM

 **keith** **  
** Lance.  
I'm working

 **lance**  
i MEAN when ur not on the clock

 **keith**  
When are you thinking?

 **lance**  
saturday morning!! since i work evenings  
and i know uve got nothing going on

 **keith**  
Wow

 **lance**  
no offense

 **keith**  
A lot taken

 **lance**  
come on.  
what do u do on saturdays besides drink beer and watch criss angel

 **keith**  
How the hell do you even know I watch that  
That show's for fucking losers

 **lance**  
its on your dvr

 **keith**  
Anyway what movie do you want to see

 **lance**  
i n f i n i t y w a r

 **keith**  
I had a feeling you'd say that  
I'll book the seats for the 11 AM showing

 **lance**  
wait no  
ill pay

 **keith**  
Already booked them

 **lance**  
wtf!!!!

 **keith**  
If you really wanna spend money you can pay for lunch after the movie

 **lance**  
.....fine

 **keith**  
We can get smth from In n Out

 **lance**  
guess thats fair  
u pay for the movie i want and i pay for the food u want

 **keith**  
Okay  
I'll pick you up from your dorm at 10 on Saturday

 **lance**  
its a date

 

8:30 PM

 **lance**  
wwait  
i didnt mean like,

 **keith**  
No I know  
It's not

 **lance**  
not  
yeah

 **keith**  
Yeah

 **lance**  
yuP  
SEE U LATER

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Romelle Sommers**

 

8:32 PM

 **Keith**  
Stop fucking grinning at me or I’m reporting you to the manager

 

* * *

**itshunkbaybee > brown & beautiful**

 

APR 14 AT 12:23 AM

 **itshunkbaybee**  
Siri why do I feel like I’m floating every time I kiss my boyfriend

 **shae**  
relatable.

 **queen**  
O..h/....MOOD?

 **itshunkbaybee**  
He’s so cute I wanna DIE

 **queen**  
Ah new love  
Remember when we were like that Shay?

 **itshunkbaybee**  
Literally what are you talking about  
You and Shay are STILL like that

 **queen**  
False  
She’s getting tired of me, I can tell

 **shae**  
my love, i could never be tired of you.

 **queen**  
She’s saying that to butter me up

 **shae**  
i mean it!  
allura you are the most beautiful girl i’ve ever laid eyes on.

 **queen**  
HhklJKF

 **shae**  
you are the star of my solar system, the red to my rose,

 **itshunkbaybee**  
The Alexa to your Despacito

 **queen**  
Omg kin :)

 **shae**  
moon to my ocean, i love you but you’re not cool.

 **queen**  
I most certainly am!!  
Where the bloody hell is Lance  
This is where he would jump in to defend me :(

 **itshunkbaybee**  
He’s on a DATE with Keith

 **shae**  
...SAY WHAT NOW?

 **queen**  
?!!!!?!?!?!?!??!!

 **itshunkbaybee**  
Jk  
They’re not calling it a date, but it’s highkey a date

 **queen**  
Oh. Lame.

 **shae**  
and i thought wlw were oblivious.

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Lance McClain**

 

2:01 PM

 **Hunk**  
Jeez the movie must be super long  
Was it good?

 **Lance**  
i am a different person now  
i think i dissociated for 15 minutes after the credits started rolling

 **Hunk**  
You’re scaring me

 **Lance**  
rightfully so

 **Hunk**  
Moving on. You guys gonna eat now?

 **Lance**  
yeah im getting him some in n out

 **Hunk** **  
** Dinner AND a show?  
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

 

4:25 PM

 **Lance**  
ignoring that  
and it was LUNCH  
im omw to work now so ill be back in the dorm later tonight

 

* * *

**Hunk > FOOLISH HOES**

 

4:27 PM

 **Hunk**  
Guess who just got back from their DATE

 **Shiro**  
How was the date?

 **Allura**  
HOW WAS THE DATE?

 **Pidge**  
dd a  t E

 **Matt**  
When’s the wedding

 **Lance**  
stfu

 **Pidge**  
how was the mf date!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Lance**  
it was 2 friends hanging out

 **Allura**  
Dinner and a show?  
Sounds like a date

 **Lance**  
IT WAS LUNCH

 **Keith**  
He got me a phucking beesechurger

 **Lance**  
and i regret it now.

 **Shiro**  
So it wasn’t a date?

 **Lance**  
MUST i repeat myself

 **Keith**  
You guys love milking udders that aren’t there huh

 **Allura**  
,,,Keith.

 **Matt**  
What in god’s name did you JUST say

 **Lance**  
the country jumped out

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Allura Altea**

 

4:37 PM

 **lance**  
i mean  
does it count as a date if i, like,  
held his hand or something

 **princesa**  
You know exactly what counts as a date

 **lance**  
ohhhhmy god UR RIGHT  
KEITH AND I WENT ON A DATE

 **princesa**  
Can I screenshot this

 **lance**  
NO

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane **

 

4:35 PM

 **Keith**  
Shiro he  
HE held my FFUCKING HAND  
IN THE THEATER

 **Shiro**  
Sigh.

 **Keith**  
HE LEANED HIS HEAD ON YM SHOULDER  
W HTT

 **Shiro**  
Hey remember when you called me the useless gay?  
Eat your fucking words.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> real talk have i made it clear enough how much i uhhhhhh
> 
> ##  **mcfucking love you guys**
> 
> ## 


	25. enter: romelle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the amount of ppl who said they loved me back is overwhelmingly cute i WILL find you fuckers and i WILL hug you for six hours individually

* * *

**Hunk > FOOLISH HOES**

 

APR 25 AT 2:01 PM

 **Hunk**  
I miss you guys :(

 **Allura**  
Hunk you helped me rollerset my hair last night

 **Shiro**  
I help you study for your quizzes every other afternoon

 **Matt**  
We kissed for at least 12 hours yesterday

 **Pidge**  
could’ve gone my whole life without that information! thanks!

 **Keith**  
You taught me how to cook rice on Monday

 **Hunk**  
Okay but still

 **Lance**  
i hope u taught him to cook it without leaving raspa

 **Keith**  
What the fuck is raspa

 **Lance**  
the rice that burns to the bottom of the pot

 **Keith**  
I like eating that

 **Lance**  
ugh......why are u my friend

 **Pidge**  
thought you guys went on a date

 **Lance**  
g2g to class bye

 **Hunk**  
Your next class is in three hours

 **Lance**  
going in early bye

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

3:01 PM

 **keith**  
So  
I have a question

 **lance**  
fire away compadre

 **keith**  
Did it,  
I mean  
Did we go on a date?

 **lance**  
lmjslsmmaaooooo NO  
it would have been a date if we Liked each other  
which we dont lol

 **keith**  
Oh  
Yeah of course.

 **lance**  
yup haha

 **keith**  
We don’t?

 **lance**  
what  
no? we dont. what?? no

 **keith**  
Right

 **lance** **  
** RIGHT

 **keith** **  
**...Right

 

* * *

**Pidge > FOOLISH HOES**

 

APR 27 AT 7:27 PM

 **Pidge**  
where the FUCK is allura  
she’s been m.i.a. all day

 **Lance**  
probably hittin a tea flavored blunt by the boston harbor

 **Allura**  
Enough of your British jokes

 **Lance**  
o shit!!!

 **Pidge**  
where the hell have you been  
we were supposed to skype at 5

 **Allura**  
Omg I forgot  
I’m so sorry Pidge

 **Pidge**  
the police have honed in on your location. bye.

 **Allura**  
I’m at Shiro’s  
He wanted somebody to play Scrabble with lol

 **Keith**  
Ugh

 **Lance**  
shiro i hate u

 **Pidge**  
who’s winning

 **Allura**  
Who do you think ;)

 **Shiro**  
She’s lost the last eight games and all of you are officially uninvited to my wedding.

 **Matt**  
Did i?? miss something???? wedding?????

 **Keith**  
He’s head over heels for Adam again and he’s fantasizing about their future  
Like a fucking loser

 **Matt**  
Lmao hunk can relate

 **Hunk**  
I wish you would shut up  
Forever  
Is that too much to ask

 **Pidge**  
i ask myself the same thing everyday

 **Shiro**  
Keith’s just mad because he’s not the best man.

 **Keith**  
After eating all your shit food I fucking deserve to be

 **Allura**  
I’d have to agree

 **Keith**  
There Allura goes. Winning my respect again. How does she do it.

 **Hunk**  
Does Adam know how to cook?

 **Shiro**  
I can cook just fine!

 **Matt**  
You once made me mac and cheese yourself and when i took my first bite i heard a crunch so loud i almost pissed my pants because i thought you were trying to kill me

 **Hunk**  
DOES ADAM KNOW HOW TO COOK?

 **Shiro**  
I’m muting my notifications.

 **Hunk**  
TELL ME ADAM KNOWS HOW TO COOK

 **Lance**  
im fucking shaking

 **Allura**  
He won’t tell me if Adam knows how to cook either :(

 **Hunk**  
KEITH DOES ADAM KNOW HOW TO COOK

 **Lance**  
keith just went offline  
what the fuckdksk

 **Pidge**  
he’s killing us off one by one  
matt’s next

 **Matt**  
How do u know that??

 **Pidge**  
i don’t i just hope so

 **Lance**  
allura tell me ur still here

 **Pidge**  
she just went offline too ddjksdjksj

 **Lance**  
FUCK

 **Hunk**  
HELLO?? HELLO??? IT’S SO DARK IN HERE

 

10:13 PM

 **Keith**  
Yeah he knows how to cook

 **Lance**  
dude wtf

 **Hunk**  
I had seven heart attacks

 **Keith**  
My phone died goddamn

 **Pidge**  
FOR THREE HOURS

 **Keith**  
It be like that

 **Pidge**  
,,,,,,,,,,,yeah you right

 **Allura**  
Shiro had confiscated my phone for the rest of the game  >:/

 **Shiro**  
Within reason.

 **Keith**  
Shiro I love you and whatever  
But you cannot fucking cook

 **Shiro**  
YES I CAN.

_Keith Kogane added Adam Wakefield._

**Adam**  
he can’t cook.

_Keith Kogane removed Adam Wakefield._

**Lance**  
legend

 **Pidge**  
i feel like the gay flag just flashed right in front of my eyes

 **Shiro**  
HE HASN’T EVEN HAD MY COOKING FOR MORE THAN HALF A YEAR.

 **Keith**  
And he’s glowing

 **Matt**  
I envy the man

 **Allura**  
If you truly care about Adam you won’t serve a damn thing to him

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Adam Wakefield**

 

10:30 PM

 **Takashi**  
Why didn’t you defend me from all those mean teenagers??

 **Adam**  
it’s true and they should say it.

 

* * *

**Hunk > FOOLISH HOES**

 

MAY 1 AT 6:15 AM

_Hunk named the group MATERNAL HOES._

**Hunk**  
For all the moms out there this month

 **Pidge**  
amen to that

 **Matt**  
Double amen

 **Keith**  
It’s a solid amen

 **Lance**  
yyye aa  a Boi

 **Allura**  
I’m sure my mother is swelling with pride watching me be a maternal hoe from the heavens!! :)

 **Shiro**  
Sending her my thanks for your existence.

 **Hunk**  
TRIPLE AMEN TO THAT

 **Allura**  
<333!

 

* * *

**Romelle Sommers > Keith Kogane**

 

MAY 2 AT 11:22 PM

 **Romelle**  
omg ur phone is blowing up!!  
who r u talking to =o

 **thekeithman!** **  
** It’s the group chat I’m in

 **Romelle**  
oh the one lance is in!  
ugh. seems like it’s constantly lit. i’m envious xC

 **thekeithman!** **  
** It’s because our friends Pidge and Matt never fucking sleep  
Allura, too. Idk. Her sleep schedule is so weird it scares me  
Think you’d like her  
She’s British too

 **Romelle** **  
** OMG  
U’VE KNOWN ANOTHER BRIT AND KEPT THIS INFORMATION FROM ME THE WHOLE TIME I’VE KNOWN U!!!?!?!!!!!?!!!!?!!?

 **thekeithman!** **  
** Cause I knew you’d freak out like that  
STOP TAPPING THE GLASS OF MY FUCKING BOOTH

 **Romelle**  
i want 2 meet them!!!!  
can i pls =CCC  
i’ll behave. promise.

 **thekeithman!** **  
** Fine  
Only because I know you’re a lonely loser

 **Romelle**  
suck my toes  >=C

 

* * *

**Matt > MATERNAL HOES**

 

11:45 PM

 **Matt**  
_[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_  
Lance this one’s for you  
_[image sent]_  
Wait nvm he’s sleeping

 **Pidge**  
alright  
i’m gonna say it.

 **Matt**  
Okay i’ll send more memes to flush it out  
_[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_

 **Pidge**  
despite what i often say i actually value lance’s friendship very much and i would kill anyone or anything that hurts him and he’s like a fifth big brother to me

 **Matt**  
_[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_

 **Keith**  
Am I one of the big brothers

 **Pidge**  
yes keith you are like a big brother to me

 **Keith**  
Oh  
Cool

 **Allura**  
You probably made him cry

 **Keith**  
I would fucking remove you  
but I can’t

 **Allura**  
Do it. Coward.

 **Keith**  
I fucking swear to gd  
Okay I’m gonna add someone here real quick  
Is that cool with you guys

 **Allura**  
Oh, sure?

 **Pidge**  
who is it

 **Keith**  
Nobody you know  
Just a friend

 **Pidge**  
a secret boyfriend mayhaps?  
but how can you have one of those if you’re dating lance now?

 **Keith**  
Anyways  
She’s a lesbian

 **Pidge**  
okay comment withdrawn.  
in this house wlw have free reign.

_Keith Kogane added Romelle Sommers._

**Romelle**  
hi!!!!!!! =D

 **Matt**  
Hello and welcome to our cult

 **Romelle**  
i’m honored to have gained access!!!  
is there an allura in the building??

 **Allura**  
That would be me :)

 **Romelle**  
britishsgdgsgd

 **Allura**  
BRISHTISDH

 **Romelle**  
BRIT ISS H ?

 **Allura**  
BBR TI I SH.

 **Keith**  
What language are they speaking

 **Pidge**  
hello lesbian i am also a lesbian

 **Romelle**  
LESBEAN?

 **Pidge**  
l......le s b ean.

 **Keith**  
Okay you had your fun  
Let’s get back to work

 **Romelle**  
keith u’ve been chewing mints and playing temple run for 2 hours.  
we have all the time in the world!

 **Pidge**  
yeah i like her  
let her stay

 **Allura**  
And I need someone to defend tea with me

 **Romelle**  
oh i love tea!

 **Allura**  
Can I screenshot that and show it to my girlfriend  
She bet that if I met another Brit around here they statistically wouldn’t like tea

 **Romelle**  
by all means, go get ur money sis.

 

* * *

**Allura Altea > Shay Balmera**

 

MAY 3 AT 12:15 AM

 **Allura**  
You owe me 20 dollars  
_[image sent]_

 

6:31 AM

 **Shay**  
british people seriously cannot be real.

 

* * *

**Shiro > MATERNAL HOES**

 

10:54 AM

 **Shiro**  
Hi, Romelle.

 **Romelle**  
omg ur keith’s brother aren’t u!  
the one he always talks about!

 **Keith**  
Romelle.

 **Shiro**  
What?

 **Romelle**  
well he doesn’t talk much but when he DOES  
he can never shut up about how cool u are.

 **Shiro**  
...Really?

 **Keith**  
NO

 **Romelle**  
he told me he thinks ur the strongest person he’s ever known!!  
and that he wishes he could be more like u when gets older! =)

_Keith Kogane removed Romelle Sommers._

**Keith**  
She’s makjng it up  
I’ve never talked to that woman ever in my life

 **Shiro**  
Keith I love you so much.

 **Keith**  
Sht the fuck up

 **Shiro**  
I’m so happy you’re my brother.

 **Keith**  
I will BLOCK YOU

_Allura Altea added Romelle Sommers._

**Allura**  
How DARE you remove my partner in crime

 **Romelle**  
=O!!!

 **Hunk**  
Hi Romelle!!  
Lance told me a little about you after the espresso machine incident

 **Romelle**  
i paid for the damages i swear.

 **Hunk**  
Heard it was BAD

 **Romelle**  
i didn’t know it would go up in flames like that =(

 **Hunk**  
You’re excused just because you’re gay

 **Romelle**  
lance said the same thing!  
he and i have trans solidarity =D

 **Pidge**  
you’re trans? i respect you tenfold.

 **Romelle**  
aaaaaaaa!!! =$

 

12:45 PM

 **Lance**  
PDIGE I VALUE UR FRIENDSHIP TOO  
hey ro

 **Romelle**  
hi lance!!!!! ^^

 **Pidge**  
fuck’s sake  
how did you find that message buried in between all those pictures

 **Lance**  
what, u think im the type of person that doesnt take the time to sit down and read every single msg in the groupchat that i missed

 **Shiro**  
You don’t take the time to read the assignments for your classes.

 **Lance**  
dont call me out like that  
pidge ur like a 9th sibling to me

 **Pidge**  
fuckin sweet mate

 **Hunk**  
But you have four siblings??  
Unless......you’re saying that all of US are like family to you.......

 **Lance**  
obviously u BUFFOON

 **Romelle**  
ugh u are all so cute!!!  >///<

 **Lance**  
thank u weve worked hard to get to this point

 **Keith**  
Wait a second  
You left someone out

 **Lance**  
...perdoname

 **Keith**  
Besides your 4 siblings you only counted 5 other people

 **Lance**  
yeah excluding me there are 5 other ppl in the gc

 **Keith**  
There are 6 others

 **Lance**  
no its pidge shiro allura hunk and matt

 **Keith**  
WHERE AM I

 **Lance**  
what

 **Keith**  
You named everyone but ME

 **Lance**  
huh?

 **Keith**  
You DIDN’T COUNT ME

 **Lance**  
dude idk what ur saying but go off i guess

 **Keith**  
Why the FUCK is everyone so goddamn quiet

 **Pidge**  
i’m begging you to disregard us

 **Hunk**  
Please for the love of god continue

 **Lance**  
well would u look at the time!  
gotta blast!

 **Keith**  
Is this another dumb joke about how I’m your “rival”

 **Lance**  
gotta FUCKING blast

 

* * *

**matte > science sluts**

 

MAY 4 AT 12:56 PM

 **matte**  
Good afternoon my eternal sunlight

 **hunkle**  
Good afternoon my young buck

 **matte**  
Good god.....what  
You call me that again and i walk

 **hunkle**  
I have a feeling it made you inexplicably blush

 **matte**  
Hm. Conversation ended perhaps?  
Our parents have officially packed everything and they’re gonna be driving down around monday or tuesday

 **hunkle**  
Omg hella lit :)

 **pidger**  
stop  
both you and allura are Horrible  
regardless  
you wanna come see the house we’re moving into when they arrive?

 **hunkle**  
Yes yes  
I feel like the pictures don’t do it justice  
You guys should throw a housewarming party!

 **pidger**  
ugh  
a party

 **matte**  
Well it would be fun to have everyone there  
And you know mom loves parties

 **pidger**  
because she loves chugging wine

 **matte**  
Piiidge  
It would make her really happyyyy

 **pidger**  
100% screw you  
fine i’m down

 **hunkle**  
OKAY I’m catering

 **matte**  
Without question  
My dad wants to know what makes your lasagna so good

 **hunkle**  
I’m gonna blow his SOCKS off

 **matte**  
Ughjfjdfj there goes my culinary babe

 **pidger**  
death wya

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (side eye emoji) (notepad emoji)
> 
> tumblr [here](http://ribosomegirl.tumblr.com/)


	26. mother's day type beat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween Month.
> 
> we commence once again.

* * *

**hunkle > science sluts**

 

MAY 7 AT 7:53 PM

 **hunkle** **  
** The house was really nice!  
It's a little over an hour from where Lance and I live

 **matte** **  
** And it's like a 10 minute walk from allura and coran's place

 **pidger** **  
** yeah i am definitely gonna be bothering her every fucking day this year

 **matte** **  
** Allura never gets tired of you tf!!!  
You could burn her house down to debris and she'd be like u need some water?? u ok??? i'll wash the dirt off your face my love

 **pidger** **  
** ha true

 **hunkle** **  
** What can we say, we got a soft spot for the little ones

 **pidger** **  
** shut up i'm 5’2 now

 **hunkle** **  
** I thought you were like four feet  
Dude, both your parents and Matt are tall as hell  
How are you so tiny!!!

 **pidger** **  
** Shut The Hell Your Mouth.

 **matte** **  
** We did punnett squares on it and she might've gotten the short (lmao) end of the stick and ended up with the recessive gene  
Either that or she just doesn't drink enough milk

 **pidger** **  
** it's the milk

 **hunkle** **  
** Lance would gloat all the way to space if he was hearing this

 **pidger** **  
** all i saw was the word lance and my fight or flight response was triggered

 

* * *

**Hunk > MATERNAL HOES**

 

MAY 10 AT 5:45 PM

 **Hunk** **  
** Hey do you any of you guys wanna join my flat earther discord :)

 **Shiro** **  
** Don't do this.

 **Allura** **  
** I wanna join

 **Matt** **  
** Hunk can you stop. i'm begging you

 **Pidge** **  
** for once you actually don't hop onto hunk's bullshit  
anyways i wanna join too

 **Lance** **  
** the earth may be flat but my wallet isnt lmfao

 **Romelle** **  
** lance ur sposed to say ass!!! wtf!!!

 **Lance** **  
** im trying to censor myself  
ur the second youngest here

 **Romelle** **  
** u can say every fuckword u want to.  
i can handle it.

 **Lance** **  
** OH HAT?

 **Keith** **  
** I don't even know what you guys are saying half the time anymore

 **Hunk** **  
** Keith please join our flat earth discord

 **Keith** **  
** I'm not joining a fucking discord

 **Shiro** **  
** Join it.

 **Keith** **  
** I THOUGHT YOU WERE AGAINST THIS

 **Shiro** **  
** Who here says the Earth is flat?

 **Lance** **  
** its common sense

 **Hunk** **  
** Learned that in 2nd grade!

 **Allura** **  
** Why would Earth be round

 **Pidge** **  
** i have thrown my enemies off the edge of earth

 **Romelle** **  
** i also believe in geocentrism.

 **Hunk** **  
** Okay now you're just scaring me

 **Matt** **  
** No no she's got a point

 **Shiro** **  
** I want to join.

 **Keith** **  
** What type of 180 did you just pull right now

 **Allura** **  
** We're extremely persuasive

 **Lance** **  
** The Rumor Come Out: Does Earth Is Flat?

 **Hunk** **  
** You can all join with only ONE requirement  
3 page paper on why you're a flat earther  
Double spaced, 12 pt font, Times New Roman, 1 inch margins, APA Style

 **Keith** **  
** I fucking hate APA style

 **Lance** **  
** idk what the difference is

 **Pidge** **  
** ,,,i think that might be why you've been getting points off your philosophy papers.

 **Lance** **  
** w  
are u fKN SERIOUS

 **Hunk** **  
** Us flat earthers are going to engage in our own, funnier, COOLER groupchat  
Later, round earthers

 **Matt** **  
** I should've expected this  
No man could ever be that perfect.

 

6:50 PM

 **Shiro** **  
** The group chat was discontinued after five minutes because Romelle sent a picture of a geocentric model and Hunk said he made a mistake and then deleted his account.

 

* * *

**Adam Wakefield > Takashi Shirogane**

 

MAY 12 AT 4:12 PM

 **Adam**  
just had the weirdest experience at costco.  
a girl was, flirting with me.

 **Takashi**  
Yeah, sure.  
You’re trying to make me jealous.  
You’d never realize that a girl was flirting with you.

 **Adam**  
not true,  
i’m very. delectable.

 **Takashi**  
WHAT.

 **Adam**  
i already regret typing that. forget i ever said it.

 **Takashi**  
Well, you’ve succeeded. I’m jealous.

 **Adam**  
okay, good. nice. great. dope.

 **Takashi**  
Adam?

 **Adam**  
takashi what are we

 **Takashi**  
Again, what.

 **Adam**  
i mean, what is this. in specific terms.

 **Takashi**  
Oh, um. I don’t know.  
...What do you want it to be?

 **Adam**  
it’s just, we’ve been like...courting for almost two months, and i really don’t want to rush things, but  
are we, you know

 **Takashi**  
Are we...

 **Adam**  
god don’t make me say it.

 **Takashi**  
...Gay?

 **Adam**  
okay i’m going back to brazil. fuck you.

 **Takashi**  
Before you do that,  
Level with me a moment.

 **Adam**  
fine.  
go on.

 **Takashi**  
I want you in my life. Understand that. I’ve wanted that since forever.  
I’ve always been ready to take the next step. I just wanted to make sure you were ready, too.  
I want you in my life as a boyfriend, if you’ll let me have you.

 **Adam**  
ththhat was really goddamn articulate.  
okay, yes, yeah. i’m down. for sure.  
i’m your boyfriend.  
you’re my boyfriend. again.

 **Takashi**  
I’m your boyfriend again.  
Cool.

 **Adam**  
sweet.

 **Takashi**  
Awesome sauce.

 

10:15 PM

 **Takashi**  
Does this mean I can break your windows more often.

 **Adam**  
god you make my fucking heart skip

 

* * *

**Allura Altea > Coran Smythe**

 

MAY 13 AT 7:30 AM

 **Allura** **  
** Are you still up for visiting my parents today?

 **Coran** **  
** Why in God's questionable name would I EVER squander an opportunity to gossip to their tombstones?

 **Allura** **  
** I get to gossip first you're always telling them the funnier stories

 **Coran** **  
** Because I Am Funnyman Coran.

 **Allura** **  
** Debatable

 

* * *

**lancito > ICE ICE BABEY**

 

8:09 AM

 **lancito** **  
** when r we skyping w mami

 **rachel mcadams** **  
** Lmao wtf are you doing up

 **lancito** **  
** go eat ass

 **rachel mcadams** **  
** Pissbaby

 **marco polo** **  
** Prbly 1 or 2 pm  
Idk  
Depends on when she finishes having lunch with papi

 **ronnie** **  
** hey you know I can just pick you up from your campus today right?

 **lancito** **  
** veronica the reason i said no to that before is bc u will hold the gas prices against me for the next month if u drive me home and then back here

 **ronnie** **  
** what? I don't do that

 **luis** **  
** She has every reason to  
You know how fucking pricey gas is getting  
Inflation, man

 **lancito** **  
** its 2 early for u to be pointing out the deteriorating state of our economy **  
** also tell lisa i said happy mothers day <3

 **luis** **  
** She said thank you chiquito

 **lancito** **  
** tell her i said im not fucking chiquito

 **luis** **  
** Yeah I'm not going back and forth.

 **lancito** **  
** well as much as i wanna see mami in person  
i still have work tonight and u gotta keep ur dough

 **ronnie** **  
** fine fine  
but I don't hound you for money!

 **rachel mcadams** **  
** Yes! Yes u do!  
You hounded me for borrowing five dollars to get some icepops earlier this week

 **ronnie** **  
** because it was sixty degrees that day and you only ever finish half the popsicle before throwing the rest out

 **marco polo** **  
** Rachel's a hardass, let her be

 **rachel mcadams** **  
** Bgdjzh i remember forcing Lance to finish the rest of the icepops so mami wouldn't catch me pouring it down the sink  
I always gave him the gross orange and lemon flavored ones

 **lancito** **  
** lol such funny memories :)

 **luis** **  
** Matter fact, I'll just call Mami alone today

 **lancito**  
what  
why dont u wanna skype us

 **luis** **  
** If I have to watch you and Rachel T-pose at each other for an hour straight one more time I will break my laptop in half

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Takashi Shirogane**

 

8:51 AM

 **Keith** **  
** Happy mother's day  
Shit wrong parent

 **Shiro** **  
** Thanks! I hate you.  
Videocall starts at noon today.  
Mom and dad want to see their little boy.

 **Keith** **  
** I’m a grown ass man

 **Shiro** **  
** No, it's me. I'm the little boy.  
And you are literally six years old.

 **Keith** **  
** You're six and half in leap years. Checkmate

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Krolia Seung**

 

8:55 AM

 **Keith** **  
** Hey  
Happy mother's day.  
Thanks for, you know, coming back to me and stuff. I'm really happy you did

 

9:00 AM

 **Krolia** **  
** Haha  
Keith youve made me ugly cry and I dont like it.

 

* * *

**Katie > Holt Up**

 

8:35 AM

 **Katie** **  
** happy mother's day mom i would cross the galaxy for you

 **Matt** **  
** Happy mother's day i'd cross the universe

 **Katie** **  
** i'd cross eternity

 **Matt** **  
** I'd cross infinity

 **Katie** **  
** i'd cross a best buy on black friday

 **Matt** **  
** Fine you win

 **Colleen** **  
** I love you both with every fiber in my being and I would kill a thousand men to protect you.

 **Matt**  
Jeez  
Dramatic much? lol

 **Sam**  
Matthew, seriously

 **Matt**  
I’m sorry mommy i’ve missed you so much i’m cryuifing;

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Leilani Morales**

 

9:25 AM

 **Hunk**  
WOOOOOOO

 **Leilani**  
yea!

 **Hunk**  
I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE MOM AND MA AND DAD AND EVERYONE TODAY  
WHEN WILL YOU BE HERE

 **Leilani**  
In like 45 minutes

 **Hunk**  
WAIT DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE

 **Leilani**  
Im not I stopped at a mcdonalds omg  
I value my life!

 **Hunk**  
Not if you’re eating McDonald’s

 **Leilani**  
Shut up  
I cant wait to surprise them agjhdhkd

 **Hunk**  
ME EITHER HHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Leilani**  
Oh speaking of which  
can I meet your boyfriend ;);):;))

 **Hunk**  
NOT YET HHHHHHHHHHH

 **Leilani**  
why not  
Im not embarrassing  
and I wanna meet my baby brother’s lovebug :(

 **Hunk**  
You say this  
And then you’ll pull out a thousand baby photo albums from God knows where

 **Leilani**  
Youre mistaking me for Ma  
But ok :(

 **Hunk**  
Okay bye text me when you’re outside!

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Keith Kogane**

 

9:37 AM

 **lance**  
keither

 **keith**  
What

 **lance**  
how are u feeling

 **keith**  
I’m okay?  
Why

 **lance**  
its just mothers day and u know  
i know how much everything with your mom affected u for a long time

 **keith**  
You don’t have to worry about me

 **lance**  
im still gonna  
i just wanted to see if you were ok

 **keith**  
I'm all good  
I’m actually,, really happy that I found closure with Krolia this year  
Kinda feels like a weight was lifted

 **lance**  
then  
im happy youre happy!

 **keith**  
Thnaks

 **lance**  
Thnaks

 **keith**  
God not this shit again

 **lance**  
sorry i just wanna antagonize you

 **keith**  
Well  
Honestly, thanks for checking up on me

 **lance**  
no problem!  
its what i do!  
nice ol lancey just checkin up on his friends and all that jazz  
all in a days work u know hahsha

 **keith**  
You’re sweet.

 **lance**  
oh  
i am, yes, thank u for saying that

 **keith**  
I mean it  
You tend to show a lot of concern for me and it makes me smile.

 **lance**  
ur making it sound like i overdo it hhhhsjk

 **keith**  
You don’t.

 **lance**  
i appreciate the reassurance :))/

 **keith**  
Lance  
You’re really cute.

 **lance**  
ejpt  
o9H Hhat?  
wellllllll i g2g im gonna skype the fam

 **keith**  
Okay  
See you later

 **lance**  
BYe

 

* * *

**Matthew Holt > Hunk Garrett**

 

10:40 AM

 **mattysmokes**  
YOUR SISTER WAS SO FUCKNG FUNNY I LOVE HER  
AND YOU WRE THE CUTEST BABY EVER  
You continue to be the cutest baby ever to this day ;-)

 **Hunk**  
Message me again and I will pop your arm out of its socket

 **mattysmokes**  
You are the most captivating man i’ve ever known

  

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Adam Wakefield**

 

MAY 15 AT 7:01 PM

 **Takashi** **  
** Saw a snail today...effervescent.

 **Adam** **  
** takashi please get off your fucking phone.

 

* * *

**Hunk Garrett > Lance McClain**

 

MAY 17 AT 10:01 AM

 **Hunk**  
...Buddy? :)

 **Lance** **  
** whats the scoop

 **Hunk** **  
** Well.  
First of all, happy first day of finals week  
You'll do great!

 **Lance** **  
** gross  
but thanks dude

 **Hunk** **  
** And second  
It's just, you know,,  
I wanted to know what exactly is going on between you and Keith

 **Lance** **  
** what does that mean

 **Hunk** **  
** What Is Going On Dentro De You And Keith

 **Lance** **  
** that is absolutely NOT how u say that hunk holy fucking shit  
and idk what ur talking about man  
he and i are cool as ice

 **Hunk** **  
** Right, yes  
But I mean. Romantically  
What's going on in that area?

 **Lance** **  
** that area  
has been mostly inactive for the past year

 **Hunk** **  
**......With Keith?

 **Lance** **  
** especially with keith

 **Hunk** **  
** You are the biggest hypocrite EVER

 **Lance** **  
** wtf HOW

 **Hunk** **  
** MR. “UGH HUNK UR GONNA DENY UR FEELINGS FOR ANOTHER 3 MONTHS”

 **Lance** **  
** dgsjakdjkd

 **Hunk** **  
** WHEN YOU DENY YOUR FEELINGS EVERY FIVE MINUTES VERY FERVENTLY AND VERY OBVIOUSLY

 **Lance** **  
** THATS LITERALLY NOT EVEN TRUE

 **Hunk** **  
** OH?  
BET.

 **Lance** **  
** ur scaring me

 **Hunk** **  
** _[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_

 **Lance** **  
** WHST

 **Hunk** **  
** _[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_ _  
_ A collection of moments that you've dodged the subject of liking Keith

 **Lance** **  
** I JUST DONT,,,,  
WANT EVERYONE ELSE TO KNOW??  
U AND ALLURA AND SHAY KNOW  
THATS ENOUGH PEOPLE

 **Hunk** **  
** Wait  
You think that Pidge, Matt, and Shiro don't know

 **Lance** **  
** NO?? I NEVER TOLD THEM  
wait why are u asking me that. why are u asking me that.  
hunk.

 **Hunk** **  
** Um

 **Lance** **  
** Hunk Elizabeth Garrett.

 **Hunk** **  
** That is not my government name

 **Lance** **  
** HUNK.

 **Hunk** **  
** They might have already known that you liked him since like last year idk for sure tho

 **Lance** **  
** OOHHHMYKYOFGSJZOZZJJX  
SHIRO KNWOSNS OIE ELEISJ

 **Hunk** **  
** I SAID IDK FOR SURE

 **Lance** **  
** U KNOW DAMN WELL THAT U KNOW FOR SURE

 **Hunk** **  
** Y.  WELL; YOU KNOW, ,# &#  
My mom said I gotta go home right now

 **Lance**  
iiiiiiiiiiiim gonna rip my hair out  
DOES SHIRO REALLY KNOW

 **Hunk** **  
** Uh  
.......he thinks you like Keith, yes, BUT

 **Lance** **  
** @&#(@[#÷+/(#*@([@&#

 **Hunk** **  
** BUT  
HE SUPPORTS YOU

 **Lance** **  
** THAT DOESNT ERASE MY HUMILIATION

 **Hunk** **  
** I KNOW I KNOW  
Was them finding out really what made you push away from Keith??

 **Lance** **  
** IT WAS A BIG FUCKING FACTOR  
look idk man  
this is all really scary  
i love my friendship with keith and i dont know if im ready to see where things go if i confess to him and get rejected

 **Hunk** **  
** I'm no love expert but I'm at least a thousand percent sure he won't reject you

 **Lance** **  
** god  
what makes u so sure he feels the same??

 **Hunk** **  
** You know what I think  
I think you're preparing yourself for the worst by deciding he won't feel the same  
And shutting out the possibility of having your feelings be reciprocated  
So that if he rejects you, you won't get hurt

 **Lance** **  
** HUNK UR NOT A FCKN THERAPIST

 **Hunk** **  
** AM I WRONG?

 

8:02 PM

 **Hunk** **  
** THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Lance McClain**

 

MAY 18 AT 10:45 AM

 **papi juan** **  
** Hunk just updated me, so can I stop pretending to be clueless about you and Keith now?

 **Lance**  
ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first things first: next chapter is officially The Last. our endgame is fast approaching lads.
> 
> i hit 3000 kudos!!!!!!!! wtf!!!!!!!!!!!! seriously this is getting......crazy. ugdjhhfk i'm saving all the sap for next chapter's notes so get ready for it fuckers
> 
> i'll most likely post in november so have a great halloween!!!


	27. it ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear posting this chapter today was not on purpose
> 
> after s8, for those who've seen it or heard about it like i did, i just wanna say i'm so sorry for all the black girls/boys/kids that watched the show for representation and were let down so badly by the ending. i honestly don't even wanna talk about what they did to allura. all i can say is she deserved better and always has.

 

* * *

**Veronica McClain > Lance McClain**

 

MAY 18 AT 11:50 AM

 **Veronica** **  
** hey....so....

 **Lance** **  
** what is it. what do u want.

 **Veronica** **  
** that, um, acquaintance of yours?  
I think her name is alisha

 **Lance** **  
** uh

 **Veronica** **  
** do you think there's any chance that she, Idk, likes girls or something  
asking for a friend.

 **Lance** **  
** do u mean acxa

 **Veronica** **  
** is that her name? totally didn't realize.  
does she like girls

 **Lance**  
............yes  
she broke up with her gf like a month ago

 **Veronica**  
oh. Interesting.  
would you say that she’s moved on

 **Lance** **  
** nope. not having it. ur not dating someone I GO TO SCHOOL WITH

 **Veronica** **  
** so what you're saying is I have a chance

 **Lance** **  
** can u control ur lesbian brain for once. please.

 

* * *

**pidge_fuckurmom18 > AOL Instant Messenger.exe**

 

MAY 20 AT 1:25 PM

_pidge_fuckurmom18 added Lance McClain._

**pidge_fuckurmom18**  
so hunk tells us that you had no idea we were all aware of your crush on keith.

 **Lance**  
i need to be intoxicated right now

 **takatakashixoxo**  
Don’t be dramatic!  
You go within five feet of alcohol and I’ll make sure you regret it.

 **matt.fucks.aliens**  
Dad Mode: Activated

 **Lance**  
whaT in beyonces name is this group

 **pidge_fuckurmom18**  
this is where we’d come to talk about you and keith. most of the time.  
sometimes we just came here for random shit.

 **Lance**  
w,.

 **pidge_fuckurmom18**  
we had a fucking field day when keith took you out for valentine’s day.

 **Lance**  
WJT

 **aloolamuah45**  
You should make your own pseudo-username!  
Like the rest of us :)

 **Lance**  
ffffine

 **takatakashixoxo**  
Please keep it family friendly.

 **Lance**  
wtf  
matts username literally says that he fucks aliens

 **takatakashixoxo**  
Matt’s a whole other story.

 **Lance**  
fuck u and ur white privilege matt  
ill keep it SIMPLE since SOME ppl want to stomp on my individuality

_Lance McClain set their own nickname to lance728._

**pidge_fuckurmom18**  
hm. don’t like that.  
too close to lance210

 **lance728**  
fuck my life ur right

_lance728 set their own nickname to letmeseeyou12step._

**takatakashixoxo** **  
**...Okay then.

 **aloolahmuah45** **  
** Quit acting like you didn't blast that song at your birthday party

 **takatakashixoxo** **  
** I was also drunk at my birthday party so that doesn't count.

 **letmeseeyou12step** **  
** can someone flag him for inappropriate content

 **takatakashixoxo** **  
** I'm?? Old enough to drink??

 **shining.hunk12** **  
** Yes, we know, you're only 27

 **aloolahmuah45** **  
** Only 27

 **matt.fucks.aliens** **  
** Only 27

 **shaybutter_224** **  
** only 27.

 **takatakashixoxo** **  
** Just flag me. Just fucking do it.

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

MAY 21 AT 5:20 PM

 **keith**  
How are you doing?

 **lance**  
woah  
why do u sound all polite n formal

 **keith**  
It’s a question

 **lance**  
keith? caring about me? in THIS economy?

 **keith**  
Of course I fucking,  
care about you.

 **lance**  
hhhffnhh  
i know u do i was just fishing for validation  
but i gotta say  
im not doing so hot

 **keith**  
What makes you say that?

 **lance**  
theres a pimple on my chin.

 **keith**  
Okay  
So

 **lance**  
W......WYM SO? I FEEL LIKE A MOSNSTER

 **keith**  
Aren’t you a self proclaimed “monster fucker”

 **lance**  
IRONICALLY  
I SAID THAT IRONICALLY

 **keith**  
I just wanted to see if you needed to wind down  
It seems like you’re still not used to the rush of finals week

 **lance**  
i mean, its surprisingly less hectic than last semester  
but still like. i wanna rip my hair out

 **keith**  
Okay.  
Clear out the space beside your bed

 **lance**  
what

 

5:50 PM

 **lance**  
keith im sweating  
HELLO

 **keith**  
I’m coming to your dorm with Sorry

 **lance**  
ASKJDJFJ

 

10:48 PM

 **lance**  
bye loser

 **keith**  
Shut the FUCK UP

 **lance**  
at least i got to homebase within the first 3 hours of playing lol

 **keith**  
I don’t know what your fucking angle is  
But I do know that you don’t just randomly get numbers that always have you land on my fucking pieces

 **lance**  
keith u just suck at sorry

 **keith**  
I DON’T SUCK  
YOU CHEATED

 **lance**  
its a GAME OF CHANCE

 **keith**  
AND CHOICE  
AND YOU SPECIFICALLY CHOSE TO LAND ON MY PIECES EACH TIME YOU GOT THE OPPORTUNITY

 **lance**  
THE CIRCUMSTANCES WERE COMPLICATED

 **keith**  
YOU SHUFFLED THE DECK IN YOUR FAVOR YOU FUCKING LIAR

 **lance**  
im gonnacrysjhryfdlv

 **keith**  
I’m never gonna touch this fucking board game ever again

 **lance**  
what can i say except  
sorry :(

 **keith**  
There is no god on this bitch of an earth

 

* * *

**Allura > MATERNAL HOES**

 

MAY 23 AT 11:05 AM

 **Allura** **  
** So!  
Last club meeting of the school year today!!

 **Lance** **  
** euheuhew

 **Keith** **  
** What the hell was that

 **Lance** **  
** me crying

 **Pidge** **  
** unofficial meeting, of course

 **Lance** **  
** the last official club meeting doesnt count because lotor was present

 **Hunk** **  
** True

 **Shiro** **  
** Yeah, same.

 **Pidge** **  
** man.  
at least romelle will be enrolled next year.  
another ray of light in this club besides shay

 **Lance** **  
** ro did u already register for classes

 **Romelle** **  
** yes!! i’m totalling 18 credits and each of my classes meet once a week.  
i'm so excited! =)

 **Hunk** **  
** Oh. Oh, you are so innocent

 **Allura** **  
** Romelle...darling, we need to take another look at that schedule of yours when we get the chance

 **Romelle** **  
** oh. well ok!

 **Lance** **  
** its like looking at myself 1 year ago  
prayer circle for romelle everybody

 **Romelle** **  
** nooo! save ur prayers for something more important #>#

 **Keith** **  
** What kind of. What kind of fucking emoticon is that

 **Hunk** **  
** I'm actually having trouble figuring out what emotion it portrays

 **Romelle** **  
** u know what keith. i'm WITHDRAWING from the class i chose to take with u.

 **Keith** **  
** What???

 **Romelle** **  
** drug use in american society with professor wakefield? WITHDRAWN.

 **Keith** **  
** You better refuckingenroll right now or I swear to god

 **Shiro** **  
** Wait. Professor who?

 **Romelle** **  
** no no...u either accept my use of outdated and obscure emoticons or i WALK.

 **Keith** **  
** You promised you'd take it with me and I know you don't go back on promises

 **Romelle** **  
** well the situation has changed. oops!

 **Shiro** **  
** Professor WHO?

 **Keith** **  
** What will you replace it with, huh?  
Child Development with professor Brennan? Human Sexuality with professor Machiavello?

 **Romelle** **  
** maybe i will!

 **Keith** **  
** It won't be the same.

 **Pidge** **  
** well yeah they're. literally different course topics

 **Shiro** **  
** PROFESSOR WHO?

 **Romelle** **  
** nothing u say will ever make up for the discrimination.

 **Keith** **  
** I thought you'd feel that way  
Which is why I slipped a 25 dollar gift card for Olive Garden into your jacket last time we hung out

 **Romelle** **  
** WHATSTHAHS  
AAASGSG  
I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THE BREADSTICK THING!! U KNOW!! THE THING WHERE U STUFF THEM IN UR PURSE!!!  
oh my FUCKING lord i don't have a purse  
buy me one? =’c

 **Lance** **  
** he could give u his fanny pack

 **Keith** **  
** Nobody touches my fucking fanny pack.  
Romelle I'm taking you to Kmart to buy a knockoff purse in the clearance section be ready in 10 minutes

 **Romelle** **  
** i'm going to vomit rainbows i'm so excited

 **Shiro** **  
** You kids are the reason I've become a nihilist.

 

1:12 PM

 **Romelle** **  
** WHO WANTS TO GO TO THE OLIVE GARDEN WITH ME?

 **Hunk** **  
** ME

 **Romelle** **  
** what, no, i would never pull a breadstick-purse move on u. i would never want to leave u.

 **Hunk** **  
** Oh my god shut up I'm cryi g now

 **Matt** **  
** God romelle it's like...i think it and you say it

 **Romelle** **  
** <3 !!  
i need another candidate!

 **Lance** **  
** why dont u just go with keith?  
ur both gay anyway

 **Keith** **  
** I hate Olive Garden

 **Allura** **  
** WHAT

 **Romelle** **  
** i don't even know what an olive garden is i just know the meme.

 

* * *

**Takashi Shirogane > Adam Wakefield**

 

5:40 PM

 **Takashi** **  
** HELLO

 **Adam** **  
** hi.  
what is...up.

 **Takashi** **  
** Nothing much, Professor.

 **Adam** **  
** cool. so i wanted to ask you which tie i should wear to your mom's promotion party.  
_[image sent]_ _  
_ _[image sent]_ _  
_ it's going to be a navy suit, so i'm not sure if i should just go with the navy tie or the one that's patterned.

 **Takashi** **  
** Why are you asking me this. I barely know what clothes to wear to bed.  
And no, no, back up, you were supposed to notice that I called you Professor. Didn't you notice it??

 **Adam** **  
** oh, i did. is that like a new kink or something.

 **Takashi** **  
** When were you planning to tell me you were going to teach Health Ed courses here?

 **Adam** **  
** hhhfhfhhonestly i wasn't even going to bring it up until i finished moving into my new apartment.

 **Takashi**  
Wow.

 **Adam**  
what can i say.  
i’d follow you across the universe.

 **Takashi**  
Now T.That’s. That’s just not fair.

 

* * *

**Pidge > MATERNAL HOES**

 

MAY 25 AT 3:04 PM

 **Pidge** **  
** is everyone coming today?

 **Lance** **  
** oh Hell Ya  
i got my confetti poppers and im ready to fuckin party

 **Allura** **  
** I have 8 bottles of red wine. Is that...too much?

 **Matt** **  
** Uh

 **Allura** **  
** Yes, you're right, maybe one more

 **Pidge** **  
** it's a housewarming party not a night at shiro's.

 **Hunk** **  
** If it were a night at Shiro's those bottles would be straight liquor

 **Shiro** **  
** Again. You guys should literally not even know what alcohol is.  
Anyway  
I'm actually already at your house.  
Helping Sam move the tables and set up the food.

 **Lance** **  
** do u guys have speakers

 **Matt** **  
** Surround sound babey!

 **Lance** **  
** cool. i call dj

 **Keith** **  
** It isn't a fucking aux cord you can't just call it

 **Lance** **  
** im calling it and u cant stop me just bc u didnt call it first honeycakes

 **Keith** **  
** I'm gonna connect to the bluetooth before you. I've been to their house before.

 **Lance** **  
** NOT IF I GET THERE FIRST AND CONNECT IT TO MY PHONE

 **Keith** **  
** Lance. I will fucking dropkick you

 **Lance** **  
** TRY ME BITCH

 

12:43 AM

 **Lance** **  
** BrueMmaNakkak  
LMSAOOOOOSOOFO

 **Shiro** **  
** Hey Lance. Why?

 **Pidge** **  
** is he okay

 **Matt** **  
** I can't believe my dad wouldn't let me drink the wine not even a sip like come on I'm turning twenty one in a few months and just because oh i might've uh you know passed out on a toilet after a few shots on Thanksgiving so what I didn't break anything well actually I broke the toilet seat because I dropped down too hard but that's neither here nor there the point is I wanted to let a couple screws loose but I ended up driving a drunk child home.

 **Allura** **  
** What??? What hte goddamn hell

 **Hunk** **  
** I put speech to text on his phone because he's still driving

 **Matt** **  
** Are you fucking joke  
They didn't know about the toilet seat thing I can't believe you just

 **Hunk** **  
** OKAY I'LL PUT IT AWAY NOW LMAO

 **Romelle**  
PPFFFPTTJKSJK !!@

 **Lance** **  
** WAIT HUNK Cna u do it for me  
DO IT FOFR ME

 **Pidge**  
is.....is romelle drunk too??

 **Shiro**  
She better not be.

 **Keith**  
She's not that’s just how she is.

 **Romelle**  
what!! why naught!!!

 **Shiro**  
You are SEVENTEEN.

 **Allura**  
Potato potahto

 **Romelle**  
um ACTually.  
i turned 18 in april  >=c

 **Shiro**  
You’re still in high school so that argument is null and void.

 **Romelle**  
how dare u shelter me from my potential.

 **Shiro**  
IT’S ALCOHOL.

 **Allura**  
He cares too much  
Softie

 **Keith** **  
** Thank god Sam and Colleen let me stay the night

 **Allura** **  
** On the couch lol

 **Keith** **  
** Shut the hell up

 **Allura** **  
** Only the best can sleep in the guestroom ;*  
The air mattress is surprisingly comfy

 **Keith** **  
** I hope it pops.

 **Lance** **  
** Has you or a loved one been diagnosed with mesothelioma

 

* * *

**Hunk > MATERNAL HOES**

 

MAY 30 AT 12:01 AM

_Hunk named the group EDUCATED HOES._

**Hunk**  
WILL ALL THE FUTURE GRADUATES RISE?

 **Keith**  
Wh

 **Matt**  
I RISE

 **Romelle** **  
** I ALSO RISE.

 **Hunk**  
I’m ggonna crykjsff  
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE GRADUATING TOMORROW  
AND ROMELLE IN LIKE A MONTH OR SOMETHING

 **Romelle**  
i know right!!!!!! =D

 **Pidge**  
the grind never stops

 **Keith**  
You excited to get your Bachelor’s or what

 **Matt**  
Oh heck yea  
It’s gonna be a morning to remember, folks

 **Hunk**  
I’m gonna livestream it

 **Matt**  
Please don’t  
I’m straightening my hair to fit the mortarboard onto my head and i don’t want you to see that side of me

 **Hunk**  
Well now I’m definitely livestreaming it

 

3:28 PM

 **Shiro** **  
** So I heard Matt tripped and fell flat onto his face immediately after grabbing his diploma.

 **Hunk** **  
** _[image sent]_ _  
_ Pictured: Matthew Holt's death at approximately 11:49 A.M. May 30th, 2018

 **Pidge** **  
** f

 **Allura** **  
** F

 **Romelle** **  
** f

 **Lance** **  
** f

 **Keith** **  
** F

 **Shiro** **  
** What the hell is going on.

 

* * *

**Lance McClain > Allura Altea**

 

MAY 31 AT 6:00 PM

 **lance** **  
** im feeling rly sentimental  
and i need u to bear with me

 **princesa**  
Bearing with you is exactly what I signed up for when I met you  
What’s on your mind?

 **lance** **  
** can i get a little sappy here

 **princesa** **  
** Of course

 **lance** **  
** summers about to start so me and hunk have to go back home til like september

 **princesa** **  
** Is this a farewell?

 **lance** **  
** not really  
i just wanted to say  
you know, this has been a great year  
and im really glad me hunk and shay got to be with you again after hs  
i was really scared of letting you go

 **princesa** **  
** Oh

 **lance** **  
** i want you to know, and i mean this,  
you were an amazing first love

 **princesa** **  
** Khf

 **lance** **  
** are you laughing

 **princesa** **  
** N  
No  
My tears fell onto my pjhone

 **lance** **  
** ok ok last thing  
seeing you with shay makes me really happy  
because youve been through so much pain and you deserve her, the whole universe, and so much more  
i hope we’re friends til we’re all old and wrinkly  
youre my princess!!

 **princesa** **  
** Lance I love you so so so much  
Where did all this come from??

 **lance** **  
** i dont know  
it would just really hurt to lose you over something stupid

 **princesa** **  
** Joke's on you!  
Our friendship is so much stronger than that  
I'm not going anywhere :)

 **lance** **  
** im glad

 

* * *

(JUN 1, 2018)

SNAPCHAT  
lancito (4)

SNAPCHAT  
lancito is typing...

 

– FRIDAY –

 **LANCITO**  
**■** > _Delivered_  
**■** > _Delivered_ **  
** **■** > _Delivered_ _  
_ OPEN MY MSGS DIPSHIT

 **KEITHBEANS**  
No

 **LANCITO**  
theyre swiss army knives  
**□** > _Opened_  
**□** > _Opened_  
**□** > _Opened_

 **KEITHBEANS**  
Don't talk to me again. Bye.

 **LANCITO** **  
** whats the matter, sugarpie...  
cant handle the image of our lord and savior?

 **KEITHBEANS** **  
** Send me one more picture of Lucky Luciano and I'll delete this app altogether

 

* * *

**Hunk > EDUCATED HOES**

 

JUN 1 AT 10:05 AM

 **Hunk**  
_[image sent]_ _  
_ Check out this cute present Matt got for me!

 **Lance**  
hunk thats an ad for a pest control agency

 **Hunk**  
I know I'm just pretending that he actually got me something instead of handing me a crumpled up flyer and asking me to throw it away

 **Matt**  
I SAID I'M SORRY

 **Hunk**  
Because apparently our 3 and a half month anniversary means nothing to him

 **Matt**  
I AM STILL SAYING I'M SORRY

 **Keith**  
3 and a half

 **Romelle**  
matt is in what we like to call the dog house.

 **Allura**  
B O N E !

 **Matt**  
To make up for my mistake  
I'm taking him to the mall so he could spend exactly forty six dollars

 **Hunk**  
Thx hubby  <3

 **Keith**  
STOP saying that word

 **Allura**  
Oh, actually can you take me as well? I have to pick up a television that Coran bought from Best Buy

 **Hunk**  
Ohh sounds cool

 **Allura**  
No it's like. a box television  
The ones that had static that you could feel on the screen

 **Keith**  
What?? They still sell those?

 **Allura**  
Apparently he knows a guy

 **Shiro**  
It's Coran. Of course he does.

 

* * *

**Keith Kogane > Lance McClain**

 

3:58 PM

 **keith** **  
** What time's your sister picking you up

 **lance** **  
** like 8  
im gonna be waiting for her at the bus stop right outside campus  
wanna come help me finish packing?

 **keith** **  
** I wish I could  
I have to visit the finaid office to check my status and meet with my advisor to talk about replacing one of my classes

 **lance**  
omg are u seriously ducking out of a class to spite romelle

 **keith**  
No not that one  
Adam practically held a gun to my head and made me take that class  
Said he misses me

 **lance**  
u better ace it  
that mans a gay legend

 **keith**  
Yeah I miss him too  
He's the only one that knows how secretly dumb Shiro is  
That, and Romelle would kill me if she had to take a class alone

 **lance**  
aww :’)  
u guys are a cute little gay family

 **keith**  
Stfu  
I'll try to pass by before you get picked up tonight

 **lance**  
dont pressure urself

 **keith**  
I'm not  
I want to see you.

 **lance**  
i  
i know,

 **keith**  
At least to start my summer off on a good note

 **lance**  
wwokayyy buddy pal ,,  
ill see ya later!!

 

7:55 PM

 **keith**  
I won't be able to make it

 

8:00 PM

 **lance**  
oh  
thats ok!!  
ill see u next semester then :)

 

* * *

 

Lance jumps when his phone rings obnoxiously loud, piercing through the quiet atmosphere of the night. The first thing that crosses his mind is that Veronica’s here. But he doesn’t see her, and she knows where she has to drive to pick him up. There’s never any confusion there, considering her and Marco were both alumni. She knows this place like the back of her hand.

It’s not Veronica, though. He knows it isn’t because the caller ID only shows two emojis instead of an actual name. He grabs the phone, cursing the humidity in the air as his fingers slide against the surface until he accepts the call and connects it to his earphones.

“Hello,” Lance chirps into his mic. “What can I help you with today?”

“Hey,” Keith responds gruffly. “How long til you’re home?” Straight to the point as always.

“Actually,” Lance drawls, surveying his surroundings to see if his sister might be in the vicinity, “I’m not in the car yet. Veronica might be running late.”

Keith hums. “That’s good. I guess.”

Lance looks down at the duffel bag between his feet, bumping his knees together restlessly. “What about you? How’d it go with your advisor?”

“Eh.” He can picture Keith shrugging. “As good as it could go. Kolivan was blunt as usual and told me I’d probably end up wasting my time if I’d switched out of Philosophy.”

Lance snorts. “What’s your deal with philosophy? It’s not that bad.”

Keith stays silent on his end for a minute, before deciding, “It’s _boring_.”

He sounds so childish and whiny that it makes Lance laugh. “Well,” he says through his fading giggles, “might as well get it over with. I mean, if there’s anything I’ve learned after high school, it’s that procrastinating never works.” He considers for a moment, then adds, “And if it does work, it’s usually at the expense of your mental health.”

“Thank you, oh, wise Guru Lance,” Keith says sarcastically.

Lance can hear footsteps in the background, grainy and distant. “Where are you?”

Keith doesn’t respond to that. Instead, he asks, “Are you still at the bus stop?”

“Don’t answer my question with another question!”

“But are you?”

“Yeah, I mean,” Lance looks around listlessly, raising his free hand up and letting it flop back against his thigh, “Ronnie’s killing me. I’ve been standing here for half an hour.”

He’s not exaggerating; it has been exactly an hour since he passive aggressively whined to Hunk about how he’d have to carry his suitcase and bags all the way to the bus stop by himself, forty-two minutes since Veronica said she was fifteen minutes away, and thirty-seven minutes since he set his things down and waited patiently to be picked up, so if Lance was doing the math right—

In the midst of his calculations, Keith mentions, “I’m across the street by the way.”

Fuck the math. The math doesn’t matter.

Lance’s backpack slips off of his shoulders and drops to the concrete with a thump.

“You made it,” he blurts, surprise spreading brightly across his face.

Keith smiles awkwardly, suppressing the laugh that’s threatening to bubble out of him. His fingertips vibrate anxiously. Lance is in the moonlight again and it could be the last time he’ll get to see him like this for the next three months. There’s sweat building up on his forehead, the humidity at fault, not his nerves, and through the quiet of the night he’s trying not to focus on how pretty Lance looks in this glow as he's hastily shoving his phone back into his pants, because Christ, he's gay but he's not _hopeless_.

Keith gathers himself enough to check down the road to see if any cars or buses are coming, then crosses the street to Lance with his hands shoved into his pockets.

Lance snorts. “Why are you wearing a sweater? It’s almost seventy degrees.”

Keith bristles defensively. “I like to be warm.”

His hands are actually a little damp now and his forearms are baking under the sleeves, but Lance doesn’t need to know that.

Lance’s cheeks are rosier up close, watching as Keith shuffles up to the space beside him. “My sister’s gotta be here soon.”

Keith grimaces slightly. “Yeah... sorry I couldn’t see you sooner.”

“No problem, boblem.” Keith shoots him a strange look, which is promptly ignored. “We have all summer, you know. To do something together.” He quickly adds, “All of us.”

Keith hums quietly, fixating on the dim, flickering lamp post at the end of the street. He might not have to wait three months after all. He waits a beat, before casually suggesting, “We could do something, too. Just you and me.” Betraying the calm of his voice, his heart hammers mercilessly against the confines of his ribcage.

Lance blinks, surprised again. “Oh,” he squeaks. “You'd want to?”

“Yeah,” Keith says easily. “It, um,” he clears his throat. “It'd be nice to be alone without, you know, worrying about having to be somewhere.”

“Jeez, Keith. Took the words right out of my mouth,” Lance jokes, but his resolve is wearing down enough that his nerves are beginning to show. He bites the inside of his cheek.

“Hey, seriously,” Lance starts, waiting until Keith faces him to continue, “we’re definitely making plans this summer. I mean, you're one of my best friends.” Keith’s stomach does a million flips. He can't even explain how happy those simple words just made him. It's such an intimate declaration, and even though he knows all his other friends feel the same way, it's a little more special coming from Lance.

Lance gives him a timid smile, which does nothing to help him at all. “I'm really glad you shoved me at the club fair last year.”

“I didn't—!” Keith stops himself, flustered.

Lance breaks out in snickers, his eyes crinkling and shimmering like stars.

All at once, the world is veiled in a purple hue. All that’s in front of him is Lance’s soft little smile, trusting and kind and sweet. Abruptly, Keith remembers how intensely, unabashedly he is in love with Lance.

He won't have an opportunity like this for a long time.

Keith’s eyes flit to Lance’s stretched lips in another sudden moment, and he can see the stutter in Lance’s grin as he feels how the air has shifted. Keith’s body barely moves an inch forward before Lance’s hands fly to his shoulders.

Lance breathes, “What—What is—”

Keith just stares. “What?” he parrots.

Lance swallows, shakes his head, and forces a loud, stiff laugh. “It looked like you were about to kiss me or something,” he chuckles nervously.

Oh. Something in Keith’s heart shatters. That wasn’t a chance to be with Lance—that was a reminder that his hunch was wrong, that Lance doesn’t really feel the same and he’s misinterpreted each lingering touch and each wayward glance as something different, something _he_ wanted. His throat goes tight, and he counters it by forcing his own awkward laugh. It sounds so unnatural and Keith wants to throw up. “Seriously?” he asks, betraying the hollow of his chest.

Lance’s smile changes, becomes unfamiliar. It doesn’t reach his eyes. Keith decides he doesn’t like it.

“Crazy, right?” Lance says weakly.

“Yeah,” Keith mumbles. “Crazy.”

Lance doesn’t move when his phone dings from his pocket, and mumbles, “Veronica must be close by.” Lance takes a deep breath and his fingers shift against the fabric of Keith’s collar. He smiles again, this time more genuine than the last, and it makes Keith feel a little better at least. “Well!” he claps Keith’s shoulder unnecessarily hard, “Guess this is goodbye until September.”

Keith nods hollowly, his stare settling on the smooth plane of Lance’s cheek. He couldn’t look into his eyes.

Then Lance throws his arms around Keith and pulls him in so tight that the wind knocks right out of the poor boy’s lungs. Keith chokes on air, hands scrambling to press against Lance’s back. It’s so sudden and overwhelming, swarming his senses all at once, Lance’s smell and his warmth and his presence, and Keith can’t help but think of the last time he’d held Lance in his arms. It was a tender memory, one that he wishes he could relive. Him and Lance don’t hug much. Keith’s thinking they should do it more often.

He rests his chin on Lance’s bony shoulder, and in return Lance’s cheek presses into his hair. It’s hot and humid enough that their shirts are damp and their skin is sticky and it’s gross, but Keith doesn’t pull away. He never really does, not when Lance is the one to grab onto him.

“Why do you have to live so far?” Keith grumbles.

His breath tickles Lance’s neck, and Lance wrinkles his nose. “Says the Texan.”

Keith’s embrace tightens with an untold urgency, so much so that he can feel how Lance’s pulse quickens, but all he says is, “Whatever.”

Lance doesn’t know how to explain what he feels, but he can only see one color, and it’s purple. Purple everywhere, in his eyes, his heart, his fingertips, like some wild chemical reaction. He’s reeling from the spots in his vision, and how the heat from Keith's skin is bleeding into his own.

Lance needs to nip this in the bud. Right now.

He pats Keith on the back twice for good measure, stiff and firm. Like a fucking business hug.

“Okay, buddy,” he says, coming out much softer than he intended, “I'll see you sometime soon if my sister decides she values me more than her time and money.”

Keith cracks a smile, and slowly begins to pull back. Lance follows suit, but as his hands slide back to Keith's shoulders he finds himself pausing. Keith has put some distance between them, but his hands are still settled on Lance’s back, like they're hesitant to leave their perch. They are so close to letting each other go, so close to laughing it off the way they always do when the air between them thins out like this, so close to shrugging it off and letting the moment fade away, then Lance leans in and presses his lips to Keith's.

He's seeing purple again, everywhere, so strong that it's suffocating him. He gets the feeling that Keith sees it, too, because the way Keith stiffened like a board right before melting into him was enough to make Lance's heart drop to his gut and shoot right back up into his throat in the span of three seconds.

They break apart with a soft noise. Lance fixates on the collar of Keith's sweater, refusing to lift his gaze. Slowly, cautiously, one of Keith's hands detaches from Lance's waist and raises up, tenderly brushing a brown curl away from his eyes. Lance’s breath stutters.

“Please don't,” Lance forces out in a pained voice, squeezing his eyes shut. Keith reels back like he's been burned, embarrassment curling deep within his stomach.

“Sorry, I'm sorry,” Lance breathes, “I just really don't want you to feel how hot my cheeks are,” he laughs wetly.

Keith sighs, relieved. He feels so light he just might float away, so he brings his hand back to Lance's face, holding his jaw and grazing along his skin. Lance was right; he's burning up.

“Too late,” Keith says. He probably _would_ float away, if not for the blush that spreads across Lance's face, standing out so brightly against his freckles.

Lance's eyes flutter open, unfocused, before meeting Keith's and simultaneously feeling like he's been punched in the stomach by a thousand butterflies.

Keith has so much fire in his eyes that it could probably burn them both up on the spot, and his voice matches the intensity of his stare when he quietly asks, “Can I kiss you again?”

Lance knows he must look stupid, dumbstruck at the question, but he wants to see purple again so badly. He doesn't think twice and says, “Yes.”

They join again, gently, because this is new and sweet and just a little overwhelming, and this time Keith commits the feeling of Lance's lips to memory, overcoming the initial shock and putting his jaw to work with a newfound confidence. Lance's palm slides up the column of Keith's neck, tangling his fingers in the hair at his nape. He can feel Keith's pulse, and its rapid beat is a delicate reminder that he isn't alone, that Keith is probably freaking out just as much as he is. The kiss deepens, and Lance is burying his hands in Keith's hair and Keith is pulling him closer with that urgency again, and it's purple, purple, purple—

A car horn honks outrageously loud right beside them.

They rip away from each other almost comically fast. They spin around at the same time, facing away from the other, Lance’s hand flying up to cover his mouth and Keith dropping his head, dizzy and tingling and trying desperately to avoid looking at the car that just parked.

The window rolls down for what seems like an hour as they try to collect themselves, and Veronica breaks the silence as smooth as a glass pane being shattered in an empty hall.

“Hi, Keith,” she says cheekily. Lance glares at her hard enough to send a mental warning.

Keith looks up at her like a wounded deer. “H—”

Lance shoves his duffel bag into Keith's arms, punching the breath out of him for the second time that day. Lance gathers the bags that remain, and smiles sweetly at Keith. “Help me put these in the trunk?”

Keith blinks. “Uh—” His voice cracks, so he clears his throat again, face burning. “Sure.”

“Yep,” Lance mutters under his breath, leading Keith to the back of the car where they haphazardly toss his things. And then... they stand there for another twenty seconds, not looking at each other, scuffing their shoes and tapping their fingers nervously.

Keith is scowling like he's mulling over some deep conflict in his head, and he almost turns to Lance and opens his mouth when the horn honks again, startling the two of them into a violent jolt.

“Alright!” Lance yells, flustered, while Veronica cackles from the driver's seat. Lance grabs the trunk's hood and slams it down, maybe a little harder than he needed to, but he's ignoring that for now since she's being an asshole, her car be damned.

He turns to Keith and says, “Okay, so, um,” he lifts a hand up between them and it flails a little before settling into a fist, “See you soon, dude.”

Keith stares the fist. He bring his own up, squinting, and very lifelessly bumps it to Lance's.

Lance flinches, wringing out a shaky laugh. “Bye!”

But he stays rooted in place. He makes to leave and then stops in the same movement, and Keith is starting to feel less alone because it seems like Lance is having his own internal crisis.

Then Lance springs forward and plants a quick kiss on Keith’s cheek, whipping around and sprinting to the passenger’s side of the car without missing a single beat. Keith can just barely register the car door shutting sharply afterwards, what with his cheek lighting up like a firework on the side of his face. When he comes to, the car is already speeding down the street and rounding a corner, slipping out of sight as fast as it came.

Keith stands alone at the bus stop for five minutes, maybe ten. Maybe fifteen, it’s all minor details. By the time he can get his legs to work again, he doesn’t even fully turn around to walk back to campus when he takes a deep breath, doubles over and screams into his hands.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing that convo btwn lance and allura made me cry lmao
> 
> so uhh, this is getting a mini sequel. 5-10 chapters. 
> 
> this has been a really fun ride. i know that canon will never match up to the way that i or anyone else portrays the relationships between these characters, but it's so freeing to express how much potential they have. found family is my favorite trope ever and it's the primary reason i got so attached to their dynamic. i'm really happy that i've given you guys a lot to laugh and smile about, and when you write comments about how you're having a bad day or something til you read my stupid textfic it makes me so warm inside!!! i'm glad that it was as much fun for you as it was for me, and hearing that i got you to laugh at a dumb line of text is like,,,the best reward out of writing this. so thank you for all the love!!!
> 
> tumblr [here](http://ribosomegirl.tumblr.com/)


End file.
